To want to go on holiday 3 months after baby is due?

[Chorlton1975]

New user here. Hello all.

My wife is due to give birth to our first child at the end of next May. I would like to enter a week-long sailing competition in Cornwall at the end of August. My idea was wife plus baby plus me plus boat going to cornwall. each day would involve me disappearing until maybe 3pm or so. I was assuming she'd be happy enough pottering around or sitting on the beach during this time, but no. She says I'm being unreasonable in wanting to plan this for so "soon" after the birth. Am I?

I'm going to assume that you work FT and that you presumably get 5 weeks holiday a year. So after you go back after paternity leave, you will have a further however many weeks left to you (presumably not 5 as you will have already taken some).

So (for example) let's say you have 3 weeks hols left by the time August rolls around. I'd be really a bit peeved too if you wanted to take one of those to go off on a bit of a jolly while you wife is - as usual - stuck at home/wherever, looking after your child.

Life changes when you have a child. She is having the baby and she is going to be looking after it full time when you go back to work eg your life is going to continue pretty much as it did before. So give her a bit of a break and recognise how hard this is for many women.

we went to cornwall for a family holiday when ds was 3 month old - although it was a family holiday and we all spent time together. As long as you suggest that you will take over child caring duties and do a night feed and give wifey evening off to go for spa treatment i don't see a problem. If you plan on dragging family along with you and ignoring for a week - different matter.

Don't think a holiday should be ruled out but if you want it to go over better you need to make it sound enticing for wife and not so self-involved for you.

Have not read every single post but I know I am probably in the minority.
I would let him do this if he wants.
Has long as he is a good dad otherwise and takes over when he gets back to make up for it.
I think the man as well as the woman needs to try and carry on with their thing.
I think the comment about her staying at home may have been tongue in cheek anyway.
Has long as there is compromise on both sides then why not.

Chorlton the one possibility you may want to consider is that things with your new baby may not be as manageable as you imagine. I don't want to be a doomsayer in any way, and the vast majority of babies do little more than eat and sleep all day and are happy to take trips up mountains, travel in cars and generally fit in as long as mum is about.

However, with my first dd she had terrible colic, and to be honest I didn't know what hit me. She also didn't sleep at all, hated being in the car blah blah blah and basically I couldn't face taking her to the park let alone on a holiday. I needed the security of being at home with everything I needed close to hand - I wish I had been more of one of those roll with the punches first time mothers that so many are, but quite honestly I wasn't and this just would have been too much for me to cope with.

No doubt your wife is feeling somewhat nervous about what's ahead and doesn't want to plan too much which I think is quite sensible and while having a baby is just the most wonderful thing I don't think you really understand just how much your life is about to change.

One of the other posters suggest you wait until the baby is born, see how things settle down, and then suggest it. This may well be the most sensible suggestion. If all else fails, surely this event will he held the following year as well and you can attend then? Perhaps you should just let this one go.

Congrats by the way.

I seriously think you need to take your DW's concerns into consideration - if she doesn't want to do it, don't!

Fwiw my DH used to love sailing. I don't. Since we got together his interests have evolved.

We both love skiing and took DSs skiing when DS1 was 2.5 and DS2 was 3 months. Clearly they didn't ski, but we were both out there in the mountains sharing the childcare responsibilities and getting a few runs in too. I think if I'd been a non skier I would have vetoed the holiday.

And finally, DH is in the armed forces. I was on my own for virtually the entire pregnancy with DS1 and he then left again when DS1 was 20 days old. I didn't give him a (particularly hard time because he was doing his job and earning a few pennies. However, if he had decided to use one of his (precious) few weeks of holiday to do something that wasn't family orientated, I would have gone ballistic.