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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to go on holiday 3 months after baby is due?

105 replies

Chorlton1975 · 02/11/2009 23:28

New user here. Hello all.

My wife is due to give birth to our first child at the end of next May. I would like to enter a week-long sailing competition in Cornwall at the end of August. My idea was wife plus baby plus me plus boat going to cornwall. each day would involve me disappearing until maybe 3pm or so. I was assuming she'd be happy enough pottering around or sitting on the beach during this time, but no. She says I'm being unreasonable in wanting to plan this for so "soon" after the birth. Am I?

OP posts:
Original poster
Chorlton1975 · 04/11/2009 15:08

Sorry, choosyfloosy. Genuine mistake, but you won't believe me.

OP posts:
alypaly · 04/11/2009 15:16

she wont be looking after baby for every single second as you are coming back after 3....and its only for a week...its not an eternity....
i still say you should go unless DP is ill. babies fit in with you....i would enjoy knowing my partner was having a good time and hope that the evenings were good on your return from sailing

crumpet · 04/11/2009 15:24

How about he does the holiday, dw goes too, but is put up in a swanky spa hotel with nanny, to indulge in lots and lots of spoiling treatments, knowing that the baby is at hand whenever she wants/needs

crumpet · 04/11/2009 15:25

(meant to say I ook dd to Australia at 2 1/2 months, post cs and it was OK - dh came to join us a couple of weeks later)

oranges · 04/11/2009 15:28

I'd rather stay in a cottage I think, with friends at hand to chat to, than a swanky hotel with a 3 month old - I can't imagine being comfortable enough to hand baby over to a nanny. My fave holidays when ds was teeny were ones where I could sit and hold him, and have other people amuse and feed me, and then be able to go off for a swim/massage when I wanted to.

KristinaM · 04/11/2009 15:33

i agree that you sound rather selfish and immature

and to compare a weeks sailing holiday to fighting in iraq is imappropriate and rather insulting to the men and women fighting there and their families at home

MollieO · 04/11/2009 15:34

I wouldn't have a problem with this at all and I'm rather surprised by some of the responses here. A 3 month old isn't a newborn. The OP isn't saying that he will be away for a week, just out every day until 3pm. The race is obviously a special event so a one off rather than regular occurrence. If OP's partner is worried about being alone with a baby for any length of time then he could extend the invite to his MIL or wife's friend to come along for company.

Plenty of women have babies alone and have no help from the off.

alypaly · 04/11/2009 15:37

I feel for chorlton.....if his wife cant cope with baby for a few hours a day for one week then god help her for the rest of its life. there is no better time to get it right than at the beginning and what a nice time to bond when baby is smiling and responding.

KristinaM · 04/11/2009 15:38

of course many parents are at home alone with a 3 month old baby and no help. its the fact that this woman doesn't want to spend her HOLIDAY alone with a tiny baby for company all day that is upsetting the op.

oranges · 04/11/2009 15:39

I think the holiday will be fine and I don't think he's being selfish for asking about it, but from his wife's point of view, its a daunting thing to think about before you actually have your first baby, isn't it? Agree htat asking her to invite along a friend is a good idea.

SomeGuy · 04/11/2009 15:40

give me a t, give me an r, give me an o, give me an ll, what's that spell?

TROLL

Undercovamutha · 04/11/2009 15:43

If your DW is genuinely against the 'holiday' then I think that you need to rethink. The reality is that once you've had a child you need to start making FAMILY decisions, not just individual ones.
Saying that, my DH has a serious hobby which impinges on holidays, family time etc, and can cause unrest!
I/We solve the problem by for example:

  1. Going on holiday with friends who have DH's with similar hobby, and DCs the same age as ours.
  2. Going on holiday with my parents, who keep me company during the day whilst DH goes off and does his thing (Me and DCs love seeing GPs but DH probably wouldn't want to holiday with them ideally).
  3. Negotiating compromises: If Dh has been out most of the day then he deals with all morning and evening childcare as payback!
  4. Ensuring at least a few days of FAMILY time.

Saying that, DH wanted to go on a hobby-related holiday abroad (on his own) when I was 7 months pregnant with DC1. I was not happy AT ALL, and he didn't go in the end.
That's why I say that you need to compromise where possible, but if DW is adament then you mustn't go.

alypaly · 04/11/2009 15:49

i think part of being a good family is realising that your partner has his own interests and TBH he had the hobby before baby was planned presumably.So if you dont like the heat she shouldnt have gone in the kitchen ,so to speak..........OP, if you dont go ,you will have to ask permission for everything else....retain some independance otherwise you will have a whinging partner

macdoodle · 04/11/2009 15:57

Aly thats frankly ridiculous - when you have a family and childrne, then your life changes, your priority changes, saying "oh well you knew this before we got married/had children so just suck it up" is childish and self absorbed!!
The crunch here is the OP's partner, doesnt want to go on "holiday" with a 3 month old, and she would prefer her H didnt go, but he doesnt seem to give a shit, IMO doestn bode well for a respectful caring partnership!

alypaly · 04/11/2009 16:01

again macdoodle we have different opinions....and your aggression that seems so apparent in all your posts definitely needs assessing. Having gone into alot of your posts you seem very bitter and twisted. Maybe you should suck it up and accept that she did know before baby came along and he is allowed a life of his own.

Undercovamutha · 04/11/2009 16:02

Alypaly - I had an interest in having sunday lie-ins before I had DCs but tough-shit for me now! Life changes and sometimes you just have to change with it.

macdoodle · 04/11/2009 16:03

Thanks for the psycho-analysis Aly - now piss of and stop stalking me!

macdoodle · 04/11/2009 16:05

oh ROFL - I remember you're the mad pharmacist who hates GP's - personal grudge ??

choosyfloosy · 04/11/2009 16:07

Thanks for the apology.

alypaly · 04/11/2009 16:15

now! now! DR macdoodle for a doctor, macdoodle your language is terrible. And your memory is bad too...i was a dispenser actually and hate lazy pharmacists and bad doctors alike.i actually feel i am ever so slightly more level headed than yourself and amazed that you are so arrogant that you think i am stalking you.HO HO HO( you unfortunately just happened to be on some of the posts i was reading ),but there is a definite worrying thread to your nature. I would hate you to be my doctor ,i really do think you need a shrink or some anger management.So just toddle along, theres a dear

Sorry to the OP for temporary hi jack

macdoodle · 04/11/2009 16:31

"Having gone into alot of your posts"

Stalking!

alypaly · 04/11/2009 16:37

you are totally obsessive .i believe i actually said posts not 'original threads'.
( and i did clarify that you were unfortunately on them wouldnt stoop so low as to stalk you on YOUR threads,i have no interest whatsoever(ddddrrrrr)

Double apologies OP

madwomanintheattic · 05/11/2009 00:52

chorlton, having a teeny lol at your 'some women's partners are in iraq getting shot at by this stage.'

should i mention now that my (very female)friend left her 3 mo twins to go on op tour?

admittedly she did decide that to attempt expressing to maintain supply for that length of time was an impossibility, so she stopped bfing before she left, but her husband managed reasonably well with the twins and the 18 mo ds during her absence...

good luck with whatever you and your wife decide, and hope you both have a good time. (but note to self - to argue with a pg woman is just plain daft, really).

MadameDefarge · 05/11/2009 03:36

Chorlton, if you think we are such a bunch of man-hating losers why don't you go somewhere where your selfish, immature, women-hating views are more acceptable?

Wish you were a bloody troll.

NellyTheElephant · 05/11/2009 10:17

Hi, I went on holiday to Cornwall when my first baby was 3 months old, we went with another couple who had a slightly older baby. The big problem is the amount of time during the day that you are going to be away. A 3 month old is bloody hard work and being on holiday with one is basically not really a holiday, just a bit more inconvenient than being at home. When we were there my DH went off most days for an hour or so to do a bit of surfing, and even having him do just that was quite tough for me (and he was grumpy too as he felt he wasn't getting nearly enough time off surfing as he would have liked). I found the whole experience a bit of a nightmare to be honest, even though my friend was also there to give me help and support. Neither DH nor I had really adjusted to the difference having a baby in tow was going to make to our lives at that stage.

If you really want to go you need to try and get your wife onside so try and make it better for her. Could her mother / sister / best friend also come? How well does she get on with the girlfriend of your friend who will also be coming - is that girlfriend likely to help her out a bit? Alternatively if this is something that is really important to you could your wife and the baby go and stay with her parents for the week? Please believe me, a 'holiday' in Cornwall with a 3 month old first baby is NOT a holiday, especially if she is left on her own for much of the time, it will be no fun for her at all (and this from me who LOVES Cornwall - I've got 3 children now and we go every year with heaps of other families and millions of children etc etc and have lots of fun)

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