in thinking that if you get invited to someones house and they are providing food, that you should just be grateful and not fuss about it ??

[MrsMorgan]

I am honestly not sure wether iabu or not.

Basically we are having a small halloween party next week, just me, the dc and my siblings and their partners.

One of my brothers gf's has recently lost weight through a leading weightloss group and is now a leader for one of those groups.

I am doing buffet food, nothing really cheap and nasty, just sandwiches, salad, quiches, etc. I am a single mum and I am funding all of this on my own, with my mum throwing in a few bits and bobs.

My brother has just emailed saying that his gf is bugging him about what food will be available. I can only assume that this is because of her diet, because previously she had no food issues. She already knew it was a buffet.

I am really annoyed that she is doing this. I am have sorted the whole thing on my own, food, decorations and games and tbh think that it is rude for her to question what will be available.

Last week they asked if her sister and her baby could come to the party and despite not knowing them I agreed as it makes no difference to me, but now I feel like I am being taken for a ride a bit.

AIBU ??

Same here Goblin.

Thanks for the responses anyway. Going to leave the thread now as I was a bit stressed about organising this party even before I started the thread, and it's done nothing to destress me lol.

I don't think you are unreasonable.

I think she is rude.

Occasionally when my children are invited to stay at a frineds for tea they have answered with 'what are you having?' I have explained to them (as my mother explained to me) that this is rude;it does not matter what they are having it is the kindness of the invitation that is important, and therefore it is very rude to question someone's offering. Gratitude and politness are the only correct ways to accpet someones hospitality regardless of whether their hospitatity correspondences to your personal preferences, current diet obsession or own particuaar idea of correct offering in the circumstances.

If we expect children to understand this I would expect reasonable adults to also, and would regard them rude for not observing ths very basic rule of manners.

ooooh check out the quiche /sandwiches snobs, its a kids halloween party with her family, sounds great to me.

Totally agree Baroness.

Since when is a bowl of chilli a buffet? Buffet means choice, not just a big bowl of chilli. Pretty screwed if you don't like chilli. How do you eat it standing up with one hand?

mrsmorgan I am sorry people have slagged off both you and your food, I think it sounds lovely and that it is totally unreasonable to ask people what they are going to serve at a buffet.

I hope you and your family have a lovely party

Ha! With a spoon probably...

Still.

I, too, think she's rude. If I were worried because of a diet I was on or something, then I'd eat before I left, or just go hungry until I got home. She's bound to be able to eat a little bit of something.

Have fun; it sounds great.

Hang on a minute - no one has said for sure she wanted to know because of her diet. She might have wanted to know what would be helpful for her to bring along - hence her subsequent suggestion of a jelly after your reply?

OP Yanbu. Just tell her politely that it is ok if she brings anything she wants to bring, it would be most appreciated whether it is smoked salmon, or Jelly, or whatever else she thinks would be a good addition to the spread you are already putting on. And say it is very kind of her to offer. Just take it in the spirit that she is asking because she wants to contribute, whether this actually be the case or not.....

(sorry, tis a long thread, my apologies if I say something which has already been suggested)

you really like her, mrsmorgan? it's not coming across. tbh if someone likes someone and they like them back, then i particularly don't understand the upset. what big deal is it to you that she asked what you're making? there's no judgement, implied or otherwise.

oh fgs aitch wea re talking dresses for you
GET BAKC THERE

hah! just saw. [boiled egg] [stilts]

going to someone else's house,nae mumping.eat up.smile

that's all nothing hard about it

called good manners

I strongly suspect that getting someone to email the host of an informal family buffet party to which you have been invited, in order to find out if there is any food you deem to be acceptable, is one of those activities that could feature on the How Posh Are You? quiz. And the truly posh would never dream of doing it. However, if the truly posh received such a request, they would answer seamlessly with all reassurance that the enquiree would not be causing any trouble at all with their special requirements (whist silently crossing them off their Christmas card list).

absolutely, sm. but she's not at the house yet, she's not mumping, she's just asking what they're having.

mrsmorgan seems to think that because this woman's been to a buffet at her house before she should have kept a diary of what was on offer, not to mention the fact that merely asking implies that mrsm will be dishing up lard on toast.

surely to god you're not all so weird with your families that a brother asking a sister what she's making for a family hallowe'en do is enough to cause ructions? my lot always ask me, it's absolutely something we'd discuss in advance.

she kinda is mumping and being picky given she is not having to prepare,set up clean away,etc. if she is that particular take her own nibbly stuff

my thought is turn up,take a gift,fill yer boots.smile

she is just asking what's going to be on offer. it's hallowe'en, a cold night with kids out and about, i'd have thought that a big bowl of soup or curry or chilli along with other stuff might be in order. were the former the answer then she might think 'great, i'll have some soup, i'm all set', and if it's either of the other two she might think 'okay, i'll eat before'. that's all. i don't see the big whoop here at all.

YANBU

ffs. the woman's just got herself a bloody job that revolves around being paid to tell other dieters what to eat and what not to eat at buffets.

And if my life was now so anal that I couldn't just improvise my way around a buffet table at someone else's party then I'd rather be fat.

lol ah wis only askin.that ole line
there is askin and there is askin

? sm?

Family - should absolutely be able to ask. I find it odd that this is thought of as rude?

Friend - I personally would not ask and nibble on what I could.

itchyandscratchy Absolutely!

Buffets are a bloody nightmare if you're doing slimming world. I've ended up eating the garnish and meat from in the sandwiches because it's all that was "allowable" - although on the whole I tend to think "bugger it, I'm going to enjoy myself for the night". That's probably why I put on 2lbs this week .

I think it's fair enough if she's trying to plan what she's going to eat that day, or if she'll need to bring something. If I were in your shoes MrsMorgan I wouldn't mind one bit - maybe because I know what it's like to do one of these slimming plans, and be unhappy with your weight and wanting to do something about it. It's not easy when all around you people are just saying "oh go on, one won't hurt".