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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that we are being FAR TOO SOFT on our kids nowadays by trying to help them avoid any little mishap?

189 replies

flashharriet · 23/10/2009 10:45

DS (Y6) walks to school with some friends. This morning, he decides to cook himself some breakfast and was then mucking about with his sisters. He then leapt in the shower and was in serious danger of being too late to meet his friends. So he said "Mum, you'll have to drive me to meet them" which I refused to do, suggesting instead that he call his friends to let them know. Moaning and groaning, he sprinted out the door and managed to meet them.

Relaying this later to one of the Mums at school, I could see her thinking "Aw, you could have taken him, poor boy". This is an attitude that seems quite prevalent now - the mums are truly lovely people and their kids' childhood must be lovely because nothing is ever allowed to go wrong in it! But I do wonder whether this is in fact, not doing the kids any favours in the long run? I know that I learnt some really important lessons about work and friendships by making mistakes and having to reap the consequences.

AIBU or am I out of step with everyone else?

OP posts:
KatieScarlett2833 · 23/10/2009 17:06

bb99,

My kids have to do housework to earn pocket money too, I pay per task. As a result my two know how to iron, clean the bathrooms, hoover the stairs, etc.

I also insist bedroom is clean before paying for any additional chores.

WhereYouLeftIt · 23/10/2009 17:14

YANBU. But how on earth did you manage to get an eleven year old boy to get into a shower voluntarily?

bb99 · 23/10/2009 17:20

KS, I am clearly letting the side down and am off d/stairs to review my list of jobs

Hoovering is already there, plus no chores til clean room, but I hadn't thought of graduating onto cleaning bathrooms and ironing

Should be an interesting half term as we demand compliance renegotiate the contract.

BTW I do adore my daughter, just agree that I am not her slave, I am her mum!

KERALA1 · 23/10/2009 17:42

Another cautionary tale friends of friends of my parents packed and oversaw their 20 something daughter's flat move. She was on holiday at the time. I was . YADNBU

flakecake · 23/10/2009 18:24

Hello all!
Yes, I spoil mine as much as poss...but I know I am not doing her any favours, I mean, we are talking about developing life skills. I spoil her because it makes me feel good and it's the only way I know how to parent. I am a single mum, in this area, a father to give some disciplin would be diserable. What can one do?

Yes, we are all too soft!

diddl · 23/10/2009 18:28

Oh I spoil mine-but that doesn´t mean I do everything for them or that they get everything that they want!

Tortington · 23/10/2009 18:30

i think kids should go in the stocks once a week. they have it too easy these days. not like when i was a kid with my spectrum and playing up scaffolding and skateboarding

hotbot · 23/10/2009 18:41

nowt wrong with a bit of character building imvho i will do the same

KatieScarlett2833 · 23/10/2009 18:42

Manic Miner was the best Spectrum game. Apart from the hassle trying to load the game (or any game), that is. I spit on their X Boxes, instant gameplay doesn't teach them patience!!!

LuluDanceOnMyGrave · 23/10/2009 18:56

Oh come on, Jet Set Willy FTW!

KatieScarlett2833 · 23/10/2009 18:59

Just had a weird mental image of Jet Set Willy. Did you have to collect air miles to win the game?

TantieTowie · 23/10/2009 19:00

Yes! My half sibs are lovely but entirely incapable of cooking or cleaning - DHS went on a week's self-catering holiday with some friends after the sixth form and I asked how they were going to survive. She said it would be alright because while she personally couldn't cook, each of them had their own 'skills' and between them they would be OK. Her special skills, it seems, were making beds (with a duvet) and turning on the washing machine.

My MIL brought up DH to clean for wages - he even used to supplement his student money with a cleaning job and is much better at it than me. I see it as my duty to make sure DS is capable too. Though as yet he's only 2.5...

LuluDanceOnMyGrave · 23/10/2009 19:00

Lol, en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jet_Set_Willy

Tortington · 23/10/2009 19:04

YOUR AVIN A LARF

it was daley thompsons decathlon

please open this link the graphic blow your mo fo minds

nikki1978 · 23/10/2009 19:08

YANBU. My brothers are proof of how not teaching kids to look after themselves backfires. One is 22 and the other 28. They both live at home, rarely bother working and when they do Daddy finds jobs for them through his friends. My parents still dig them out of holes when they have gotten into debt and my mum goes to the house and tidy their rooms (which are filthy pigstys) and does their washing even though she lives 60 miles away and works all hours (they have a hotel and live there). They pay all the bills for the house and my brothers pay no rent. This has been going on for 5 years. The 28 year old works 2 days a week in their hotel and then racks up massive debts buying designer clothes and having tattoos done.

Currently I am living in the house with DH and my kids due to financial problems. We do all the housework and have been redecorating the house from our own money as rent. I hate living in this situation but am doing it for my kids as they are now in great schools (good area) and as soon as we are able to we will be outta here (I am EXTREMELY grateful for my parents support and do everything I can to look after their home). My brothers constantly leave the place in a tip and seem to expect me to tidy up after them. They are selfish and spoilt and my parents do little about it. When they were younger my mum did everything for them (whereas I made my own dinner and did my own washing etc from about 11 years old).

I know not to do the same with my kids now!

LuluDanceOnMyGrave · 23/10/2009 19:09

ooooh, Daley Thompson was good! Still love Willy more. Or Pimania with its weird little song.

Fennel · 23/10/2009 19:10

We had a computer from before the days of the Spectrum, it came with books on how to program your own computer games, so I had to actually program the games in before I could play them. And they were boring games on a small black and white screen.

LuluDanceOnMyGrave · 23/10/2009 19:11

Not a Vic-20? Can't remember if that was in colour or not... are we showing our age or what !

KatieScarlett2833 · 23/10/2009 19:18

I remember sitting for hours inputting "basic" formula into the Spectrum, ony for it to produce something that was supposed to look like a tree...

Them were the days...

LuluDanceOnMyGrave · 23/10/2009 19:27

PEEK and POKE, kids have it so easy now!

nighbynight · 23/10/2009 19:28

Aw we aren't too soft! I had to give my Yr 6 ds a lift to meet his friends this morning, because we got late when I was giving him his morning breastmilk.

KatieScarlett2833 · 23/10/2009 19:30

Remember the one where you could type anything, input some gibberish, and the phrase would repeat over and over ad infinitum?

I used to think I was cool on Sat afternoons doing this to every display model computer on the high street...baaadass, wasn't I?

LuluDanceOnMyGrave · 23/10/2009 19:46

10 LPRINT "hello"
20 GOTO 10

I am such a geek!

nighbynight · 23/10/2009 19:47

Ahh, those were the days

KatieScarlett2833 · 23/10/2009 19:49

OMG Lulu, you still remember how to do that?

I am so, so impressed!