to think that we are being FAR TOO SOFT on our kids nowadays by trying to help them avoid any little mishap?

[flashharriet]

DS (Y6) walks to school with some friends. This morning, he decides to cook himself some breakfast and was then mucking about with his sisters. He then leapt in the shower and was in serious danger of being too late to meet his friends. So he said "Mum, you'll have to drive me to meet them" which I refused to do, suggesting instead that he call his friends to let them know. Moaning and groaning, he sprinted out the door and managed to meet them.

Relaying this later to one of the Mums at school, I could see her thinking "Aw, you could have taken him, poor boy". This is an attitude that seems quite prevalent now - the mums are truly lovely people and their kids' childhood must be lovely because nothing is ever allowed to go wrong in it! But I do wonder whether this is in fact, not doing the kids any favours in the long run? I know that I learnt some really important lessons about work and friendships by making mistakes and having to reap the consequences.

AIBU or am I out of step with everyone else?

YANBU

Thank goodness - I thought I was unusual in expecting politeness and good manners from my dds - dd1 is 4.5 but I expect her to take her plate to kitchen when she has finished, make her bed and put her dirty clothes in washing basket - not unreasonable I think.

She is also made very aware that mummy is not a skivvy!

You are definately NBU.

Oh I love REAL mums like you I hate all this indulgent parenting that's so normal these days. I think teaching kids responsibility and independance is VITAL to their growth and well being and YNBU at all, in fact I would think it unreasonable to have taken him! Don't weaken at someone else's point of view-keep that thick skin, passive parenting is everywhere at the moment, parents are becoming more and more confused about what's right and wrong. I'm not going to do everything for my DD because I love her and want her to learn all the important lessons she needs to learn in order to be able to cope when she leaves home one day. It's called tough love and it takes more effort to stand back and say no and live with the guilt reprocussions than to just get in the car and drive him there. You're a good mum

bruffin - Oh I'm not sure... I'll have to see if I can find it. I think it was a joke but it was hilarious whether it was true or a wind up...

Since when did parents routinely attend university open days with their 16/17 year olds? When I was that age (not that long ago at all!!) we all went off in a big group on the train to various cities, had a great time and sniggered and those poor teenagers whose parents had tagged along.

From what colleagues say, it is now absolutely normal and expected for parents to take the day off work to drive their kids to and from each open day and accompany them on the tours.

daisymoosteiner you are joking aren't you.

Please tell me you are joking.

Dammit, it may have been deleted cos people were calling troll.

The long of the short of it was that the mother thought the sun shone out of her 'lovely' 20 year old dd. The dd was unemployed, foul mouthed, overweight and lazy. All the dd wanted was to 'be a mummy' and as she'd had no luck finding a man on the internet she was 'keeping an eye on her cycle' so she could get pregnant from a one night stand in a night club.

The mother didn't think the dd would struggle with the baby despite not being able to cook or clean because she could live off benefits and takeaways. The mother felt it was not a woman's place to work outside the home and that it was necessary for the dd to have a qualification in childcare only to help her to be a good mother. She was also sure that a lovely man would fall for her lovely dd and be happy to not only work all hours to support her and any children she may have by then but would take the children off the dd at the weekends so she could shop and have a bit of a break.

The dd was not foul-mouthed because she only called ppl a c*nt when they deserved it and the mother was happy to wait hand and foot on the dd because if she didn't the lovely dd would poke (yes, physically poke) her and verbally abuse her (saying 'I wish you would die so I'd get your money' e.t.c.) until she did.

Basically, the mother was annoyed with her friend for saying her daughter didn't want to be associated with the wonderful dd anymore.

The dd sat in her bedroom collecting dr who figurines and listening to her favourite artist (Britney Spears) on her MP3 player feeling superior to the other mothers dd who apparently was a slapper because she was at Uni and went drinking and smoking with her friends at the weekend.

Oh and the dd had 81 friends on facebook (so plenty of other friends) but some of those were her dads because he hadn't got a facebook page.

Was funny!

Nope. Deadly serious. I may just have particularly wet colleagues though. Can anyone else confirm or deny whether this is the case now?

My mate had a minor op when he was in his early thirties, (on his bits) and was furious that his elderly mum could only come (300 miles) and help him for a fortnight. Years later he'd go on about it.

I hated to point out all those thousands of women discharged from hospital with stitches who have to care for helpless newborns and quite often demanding toddlers, BF etc after nine months of interrupted sleep and discomfort

daisymoo - not sure if it is the case but my bro refused to go to any open days because my mum wouldn't come. He started uni this year.

Oh my god curiosiykilled! That's a mad story, some mothers are STUPID! lol

God, this thread reminds me of the 28 yo boyfriend I used to have whose mother used to sit behind him in the evening so she could stroke his hair to relax him. I can only imagine what his poor wife (which in itself is a miracle frankly) now has to put up with.

REALLY made me giggle lilyjen, I'm sorry it appears to have disappeared now! The OP kept saying she was real but I really doubt it!

Yes daisymoo, it happens. I overhead a ta saying they'd gone to Canterbury to look at uni for her dd, and she was concerned that it was a walk from the station to the uni, and she'd be walking UPHILL!!!
I feel I'm among friends here, as you are all saying what I feel- none of this PFB malarkey.
My dcs love making their own lunches, sortong out their social life, having a key- and know mum won't be the local taxi.
Bruffin....my thoughts exactly.

Reading all these stories is very reassuring! I have been accused of being strict, even by my mum ffs who relied on physical/emotional abuse to get me to behave . I just remind myself that I'm trying to bring my kids up to be Adults who will leave home and have families of their own (or not, as long as they leave !)

Oh and they survived four hours over the field, came home about half an hour ago and are telling me to go to the supermarket on my own as they hate it and would rather watch DVD's. They act like they hardly need me any more .

lol, yes. I feel amongst friends! My mum tells people I am 'teachery as a parent', in a way like it's a criticism...

LOL Thanks Curiosity

My sil taxis her 4 children around almost every day.
She makes 6 meals every night~:
One for her - weight watchers,
one for her husband - high carbs becasue he is a builder.
and 4 others for each child, becasue they won't eat the same thing.
All been bought cars and driving lessons paid for. She coolects all their washing from their rooms, washes their bedclothes and returns clothes to wardrobes, ironed.
None of them want to move out. Funny that.

Flash sounds like you're doing a brilliant job to me. You've giving your DS all the tools he needs to survive as an adult which the mollycoddlers aren't doing and they just don't appreciate how they are failing their DCs by doing so.

diddl no, you're not the only one - although it was usually you'll get it every meal til you do eat it

should have read "by not doing so"

Yes, spiralqueen, used to get that as well!

When we tried it on ours, they just laughed

YANBU

My DC's (12 and 14)have to walk to school every day, if they are late, tough. They are also conversant with local bus routes/timetables as I refuse to be their taxi.

I refuse to police them to do their homework, sort out their school kits, etc. If they forget something, they take the consequences. If they don't begin to take responsibility for themselves now, will they ever?

My DD once begged me to write a note to her teacher, explaining why she had not handed in her assignment. My note read "KatieScarlett jnr has not handed in her assignment as she was too lazy to complete it on time." She never asked again.

Thank you thank you thank you ALLLLL.

I thought I was the only one. Some sort of throwback who used her children as slaves!

I have 3 boys and I had a lovely DD too.

From a young age they have all been expected to do jobs in the house and learn to be independent. My 15 is a prize PITA but he he does his own washing and ironing and does the washing up/tidying every evening. He can cook and sometimes makes the evening meal. He brings me a cup of tea in the morning.

He does his own washing because I got sick of him hoarding it in his room and dumping it on me once a month. I warned him several times and that was it. He irons his own clothes because he is perfectly capable.

I do not ferry my kids about. If they want to do something and it is do-able fine, if it causes upheaval and hassle they have know that not everything is possible.

He makes me a cup of tea in the morning because it is part of his routine and if he didnt have a routine he would never get out of bed and get to school.

I REFUSE to spend a hour in the morning dragging kids out of bed. If he oversleeps I will call him, if he ignores me, he deals with the consquences.

My DM did not teach us anything about housework etc then when we were about 12 she rounded on us and accused us of being lazy and selfish and never helping her! I didnt have a clue what she meant. It hadnt crossed my mind to help her, I was a child. Very unfair to not give your children the tools they need and then get fed up that they are useless IMO.

When my DCs leave home they can live like pigs if they want but they will have a choice because they will know how to cook and clean and look after themselves.

I am their mum and I love them totally but I am not their servant. It does them no favours to bring them up thinking stuff happens all by itself.

I know lots of mums who cook different meals for everyone - never in a million flippen years mate!

YANBU. You are going to avoid raising some of the nightmare Mommmy-dependant individuals that are the result of this kind of parenting. I have encountered:

• a girl in her 20s who repeatedly got herself in such a state when she was stressed at uni, that her DM would have to come and stay with her until she calmed down. She was still having her holidays, parties, work etc. organised by her parents in her late 20s
• a friend of DP's who is about to turn 30. He took about three times longer than any of his friends to finish his A Levels and uni, as he kept on failing. He's only ever held a job down for two weeks. He still lives in the same room he had when he was a teenager, same sized bed, with lots of Star Wars figurines. All day, he watches football matches and movies. To make money, he makes illegal copies of movies he owns or steals from shops, or that he's given as gifts by friends or his parents. He recently fell out with all his friends because they had the temerity to tell him that he's wasting his life.

Lovely thread YANBU and lovely to see so many other parents being normal, not molly coddelling!!!!

Was starting to think I was the only parent slightly right of Ghengis Khan, after repeated complaints from my DD, but now feel thoroughly reassured!

She is expected to do chores and be helpful around the house, plus polite and reasonable and I have just adopted your late tactic of no longer worrying if she is late, as it is her responsibility to get ready and be on time (I do remind her once or twice about what the time is...) and she has to bear the consequences, though I do admit to dropping one or two things off at school for DT cookery, as I didn't want her to just sit around - I wanted her to work hard (am lucky - live 2 mins from school and work at my own discretion )

DD was starting to feel disgruntled as she has several friends who do absolutely nothing around the house and have a taxi service available, but have managed to bring her on board with the whole learning to manage yourself and be responsible thing...so now she feels sorry for her friends that don't need to do anything around the house, as how will they learn how to look after themselves? She is also enjoying the freedom of walking and bicycling, tho I am a bit of a worrier and need to hack thru the umbilical chord a bit with this one ...

Recently introduced wages and working conditions (a move on from pocket money) where she has a list of weekly jobs she is expected to complete, or loose part of her salary (pocket money)- I also fine her for excessive leaving the lights on (mean I know, but 48 hours of blazing light does add up over the course of the month) and she also has an hourly rate for additional jobs like cleaning out the cars or doing gardening etc, which she can either cash in, OR use to contribute towards any fancy pants, expensive school trips she wants to go on - we are basing this on the minimum wage, so it's not quite indentured slavery

I certainly admire some of the other ideas on here - own washing, cooking meals and MORNING TEA could be in the pipe line, gosh I'm missing a trick here

FH - think you are wonderful, if we don't teach our children how to look after themselves and how to be responsible for themselves, how will they learn. It's hard enough as it is being a teenager and growing up, suddenly realising that actually it IS all your own fault and your own responsibility, without being de-skilled of basic life skills (like being on time) into the bargain....