to think that we are being FAR TOO SOFT on our kids nowadays by trying to help them avoid any little mishap?

[flashharriet]

DS (Y6) walks to school with some friends. This morning, he decides to cook himself some breakfast and was then mucking about with his sisters. He then leapt in the shower and was in serious danger of being too late to meet his friends. So he said "Mum, you'll have to drive me to meet them" which I refused to do, suggesting instead that he call his friends to let them know. Moaning and groaning, he sprinted out the door and managed to meet them.

Relaying this later to one of the Mums at school, I could see her thinking "Aw, you could have taken him, poor boy". This is an attitude that seems quite prevalent now - the mums are truly lovely people and their kids' childhood must be lovely because nothing is ever allowed to go wrong in it! But I do wonder whether this is in fact, not doing the kids any favours in the long run? I know that I learnt some really important lessons about work and friendships by making mistakes and having to reap the consequences.

AIBU or am I out of step with everyone else?

Flash, you sound like me, and there's NO WAY I'm unreasonable ! I agree with Fennel, responsibility leads to trust, it seems to be working so far with DD (Yr 11) - who incidentally got up at 7, got her brother (8) up, went jogging with him, made breakfast, then announced she was going to make a packed lunch for them both and go and play over at the sports field for a few hours, so I can get my OU work done. I hadn't even told her I needed a bit of peace and quiet, it was all her own idea! So you see, there are benefits!

Year 11? Sorry, age 11. Year 7 .

YANBU - MY DS (who is 6) makes his own packed lunch. DD who is 4 helps me make hers.

They need to learn to be independent and realise that actions cause reactions IMO.

Jogging in the morning? I like that idea!

Keep at it! My pet hate is my year 6 children saying 'i haven't got my homework/ pe kit/ lunch/ letter etc etc' because my mum didn't pack it.' arrrgghhh!!! Pack your own feckin bag (obviously don't say it in quite the same way to them ) You probably are out of step with others but at least your child will know how to put their trainers in a bag without mummy's assitance.

Well they both play sport for local teams so they're mad keen on getting fit, at least when the weather is good!

You are in the right. 100%. Can't argue with you at all.

However I am too much of a wuss to follow through all the time I do sometimes but if I know that one of the consequences is going to be serious trouble at school I don't.

Don't get me wrong, I do allow them to make the odd mistake .

Flashharriet - I worry more about other people's children too.

In reality it means they'll probably just be more expensive and more dependent. Some parents will want this though - 'daddy's little princess'.

they probably won't be able to cope with responsibility or negative emotions but their parents might enjoy solving all those things for them forever.

YANB at all U.

Too many kids grow up with an indignant sense of entitlement and it's all down to being made to feel they are the centre of the universe.

There is a world of difference between neglect and laissez-faire.

I think kids also grow up with an unrealistic sense of self sometimes if they are made to feel they are the centre of the world or amazingly talented. That can lead to over-confidence and/or self-esteem issues.

My mother always indulged my brother. My sister and I had to help around the house with chores and we were expected to look after ourselves (cook our own meals when parents were not there, that sort of thing) but my brother did not need to "because he's a boy".

Now my brother is 52. He is not married, lives next door but one from my parents. Every evening he comes in for a meal, then slopes off again without saying thank you and without even taking his plate to the kitchen. My mother (who is in her late 70s) cleans and washes for him and tells him he needs to have a shower.

Are my parents happy with this situation? No ! But my mother has made this rod for her own back.

And more and more mothers will be in a similar situation in years to come. Ya boo sucks to you helicopter mummies!! [gleeful demonic face]

On my DS's taster day one of the parents was huffing that she didn't want the teacher her daughter had got because she wasn't bothered about preparing them for SATs (DS just started reception)... Hate the parents who want their 4 year olds to have homework or be put in special 'genius' classes. Most of the time the rest of the class catches up by around 6 and then the kids have had 2 years of being told they are special and different and have to re-integrate.

...I am fairly strict with DD, and I have seen other mums look at me with surprise when I've been tough with her.
Once I told her off for answering back and the mum says "oh, don't worry, don't worry".

Conversely the same mums then tell me I am "lucky" to have such a well behaved DD.

Erm, well actually, being strict and insisting on politeness does tend to produce a well mannered child.

I add shamefacedly that she really quite spoiled in other ways.

Oh yes, I had the "I'm too tired to lift my spoon to feed myself" thing from DD's friend. So I told her she'd go hungry then. People literally spoon feeding their 6 year olds...what?!!!

Am I the only one who was told if they didn´t finish their meal they would get it for breakfast??

lol cat64!

YANBU

Just look at the "my son had to sleep in his sleeping bag on a floor at a sleepover" thread

We are breading a bunch of wimps

diddl - my gran would put my aunt's cabbage in the fridge for up to 3 days, offering it to her at every meal if she wouldn't eat it! Imagine how much you'd have to hate cabbage to go without food for 3 days?! I think that was excessive lol.

No diddl...you are not alone!

I do know a mum who is so over protective of her DS1 that it is mind boggling.

One day she asked me if I thought she was over the top and I said she did really give the impression that when her DS1 got his first girlfriend she would go along on the date and if the girl didn't kiss him she'd shout at the girl, insist she kissed him, then tell her she had to go to bed with said son, otherwise he would be upset.

My friend took this on the chin and now she only goes on about him 80% of the time, instead of 100% and says "oh dear, I'm talking about him again".

bruffin - did you see the "my fat lazy, potty mouthed daughter's friend said she didn't want to be her friend anymore because she is fat, lazy and has a potty mouth" thread? that was hilarious.

no!
when was that curiosity?