to not want a sibling younger than my own children?????

[beaniesinthebucketagain]

I know i probably am, as most of you will think its none of my business,

Im 21 i have a 26mnth and 10mnth old ds and dd, My mum recently re married to someone i choose not to spend time around after he hit my son, I still see my mum often we are and always have been close she has my sister 4 and brother one with her new husband, she admits she had my brother through jealousy that i had ds! It caused alot of friction in the family,
Whilst pregnant with my brother she was extremely ill and we nearly lost her several times, when he was born i had to step in and care for him as she was in recovery for 48hrs!
Ive since had my dd, and mum had said she could never have another due to health and how hard it is for her keeping up with the kids, plus she cant be a proper grandma!
She has just texted me;

Please dont be angry, im pregnant, ive told (husband) and hes soo soo pleased i dont know what to think, i know youll be pissed because youve finished your family.

Well yes i am pissed, im sorry but shell be lucky to survive it, she has text again saying she doesnt want it but he does and so on, Im just angry i feel like shes ruining my family ive completed i already get comments from strangers about having far younger siblings and so on, and i simply DONT want a sibling younger than my own youngest child

Its been agreed that im legal gaurdian to siblings, as her husband is just useless hes said if she died, hed be a weekend dad and me sole carer this is all agreed in the will, I DONT WANT TO DO THAT!!!! obviously, without a second thought id care for them, i adore them both but im 21 i have two of my own and i want to enjoy them, is she not being a bit selfish doing as she pleases and bugger the consequences for her children and grandchildren that are here, shes heading toward 50, she should be a bit more responsible!

It sounds like there is nothing you can do realy Maybe you should consider refusing to take on the children if something should happen to her? I know it sounds terrible and you wouldn't want your siblings thrown out to whatever might face them; but it might make her put things into perspective a bit to realise that you understand the risks and are not willing to pick up the pieces for her or her lazy arse of a husband.

I hope this goes well for you, I couldn't imagine my Mum putting me in the same situation

Your mum & siblings are not your responsibility.

If her husband is there, he can help, if not,sorry, but what does she think many mums whose husbands are at work and whose family aren´t close do?

I think you have to start seeing a lot less of her if possible, and doing a lot less for her.

It´s up to her and her husband to work out.

Often women with their own families only see their mums once a week.

im keeping contact to a minimum, Id normally speak to her several times throughout to day but i only texted her to see if she still needed us to collect a carseat for my brother, hes 32lbs and hasnt had a carseat since growing out of infant carrier!!!! She said she cant afford it, I resisted the urge to fly back at her with a comment that if she cant afford a carseat (its only £40) for tom now how the hells she gonna afford everything else shell need, She recently and i mean within the last month sold EVERYTHING and i mean everything baby related right down to binning bottles a dummys, this we feel is because husband rightly told her she didnt need all new for 2nd baby and shes sulked ever since, she managed to sell my sisters buggy claiming it was broke so she could have a my3 thing from mothercare which she broke last weekend, is this all about wanting 'new toys' i wonder??

I really wish i didnt miss my brother and sister so much and then i could leave her to fall flat on her face, how do i get to see them without making her think i can be bothered with her!

Oh and she text again saying that if anything goes wrong its my fault as the stress is bad, what of doing things yourself?? her hips are killing her doing the school run and so on,
My poor dp lost his job last week and shes took advantage of his eagerness to drive our new car, Hes so cross that im upset he said he cant do it anymore! Apparently the docs have said chance of mc is something like 96% and thats if she even is pregnant, its NOT been confirmed as if its the change Pg test can be wrong, so she may have wound everyone up for nothing, doc also said while having section theyd like it if shed consider a sterilization, to prevent further risks!

Does her husband work?

If not, why isn´t he doing the school run?

Perhaps you could have your siblings for a couple of hours after school for a couple of afternoons?

Good grief, she really is reversing the roles on you isn't she? She's acting like you're her mum and she's a gobby teenager with a massive sense of entitlement!(Not that you're a gobby teenager )

I'd consider sitting her down and going over this will business. It just seems to me that with you named as guardian for your siblings, she's taking that as 'permission' to do as she pleases and damn the consequences - because as far as she's concerned she's taken care of it already by landing all the responsibility on you. Could you consider saying to her that you've reconsidered and feel it's more responsibility than you can handle, and she really needs to get her husband up to speed on how to take care of his own children? Because that's what he'll be doing if she dies? It doesn't matter that you wouldn't do that, it's clear that you love your little sister and brother; but she really needs something to make her take responsibility for herself and not just dump it on you. Short of a kick up the arse, it's all I can suggest.

Oh my God!!!
OP YANBU - your mother is being extremely irresponsible. And she's expecting you to just pick up the pieces despite the fact that you have a young family of your own.
What's she doing with this useless arsewipe anyway??
i disagree with those who say you should be supporting her at this time - she knows the risks, she should be taking precautions. YOU are the daughter, SHE is the mother not the other way round.

Oh btw - DS has an auntie three years older than him. Because MIL missed a period thought she'd had the menopause and didn't use protection.

Diddl

he works shifts mornings one week afternoon-evening next, so hes either asleep or at work, he COULD do the run one week when on lates as my sisters only on half days until christmas, but tbh as much as i dislike him, why should he? Its the only thing she does outside the house, those kids must be soo bored!

Really want to ask them round to play but worried shell be off about it, missing them alot, sister was at school and brother napping when i went round, i usually see them 4+ days a week, Ds misses them too he keeps saying there names when we get in the car, to put it bluntly, tis shit!

where

No need for the thats exactly as it is!
I dont want to say i wont be guardian as im sure you can imagine her in laws arent very decent people BUT i think he should share the 'burden' (bad choice of word i know) I have a brilliant aunt and grandma whod help as much as possible but i feel its unacceptable for a father to care so little. A kick up the arse is EXACTLY what they both need, or a hard dose of real life!

Wini

Why is she with him, well to be honest, because its a case of no better offer she was on her own from falling pg with me until him! He wont get bored like many expect being 24 because i has a piss easy life, he works and then comes home to food and sleeps as and when he pleases, she treats him like her PFB at christmas birthdays etc designer clothes shoes consoles and so on, its bloody pathetic,

I am not contacting her, im seeing how long it is before she gives a shit about my family!

Its dds 1st birthday in nov, had planned a day at the zoo but i now DONT want him there, can tollerate mum its her GD but why should i be nice atm, i am stamping my feet throwing my toys and screaming all the stress out!

beanies god this all sounds like a nightmare. I can see that your mum must be lonely after all those years. But to resort to such measures to keep a worthless lump like that It's really sad. It also sounds like she's his mum more than his wife. So yes, why would he leave? He's living the easy life, he doesn't care about the kids, and if she does die because of their lack of responsible behaviour, he doesn't have to take responsibility for his own children, that will get foisted on you.
If she is pregnant, I hope she agrees to the sterilisation, because she obviously isn't being careful.

she is now sulking with me, dd and ds have carseats belted into dps car and i have a highback booster kept at home for ds (dd still fits in baby carrier one but hates being in it so only used for one offs) Anyway left ds booster at mums after a friend took me there and dp picked us up, went to collect it and she said nothing to me, just handed it over, kids came and said hello (sister clearly not been in school again) and when i left she quickly txt my grandma and aunt saying id upset the children by ignoring them!!!! id chatted to them both, had she been less frosty id have popped in to play with them for a bit, but i felt very unwelcome, they were fine and said goodbye, she made no attempt to say hello to ds who was with me,

Oh this is just pathetic i really am tired of it all,

Darent say to much incase something bad does happen and she throws it in my face saying am i happy now etc, obv i wish no bad things on anyone, just wish all of this never happened!

I am currently surviving off the hope that one of them will be sterilised after this, Husband has suggested it and she had a paddy that he didnt want the new baby etc, poor sod, got a feeling the blackmails the other way round!

This is going to sound a little eccentric and morbid but when she's warmed up to you again if I were you I'd ask her if she's made a will. It's practical, it doesn't skirt the issues, addresses the complications from last time and shows that you're thinking about the living children in the event that everything goes wrong. Considering what happened last time there's just no point beating about the bush here and she should be old enough to contemplate that.

... and I should probably say that if it was my mum it's what I'd ask her.

Do you know she didn't take precautions or are you assuming this is the case? Is she even eligible for long term contraceptive methods in her condition?
If the possibility of miscarriage if 96%, what's the risk with termination and sterilisation?

Stepfather doesn't sound great but it's her choice to stay with him and it's your choice to continue contact with your mother regardless.

If you don't ant to be a legal guardian, don't be one. Again, it's your choice.

My youngest brother is younger than my youngest niece and was born when my mum was around the age of yours. It's caused no problems for anyone whatsoever.

Sorry if I've got the wrong end of the stick - I've just waded through what seems like a lot you've gotten off your chest, much of which doesn't seem particularly relevant.

If anything, it actually sounds as if you thrive on drama like this and are objecting on this age point just because you can.

The apple never falls far from the tree, as they say, so I think you both need to grow up a bit.

i intend to ninagleams, she had said she had but im sure since shes married it would need to be re done wouldnt it? And tbh im also not very trusting of just her word now!

Also - don't expect your mum not to make a fuss if it hasn't even been confirmed, while you are.

if it turns out it was a false negative, im completely prepared for days of tears and depression, been there done that, its pretty tiring having an extra baby to pander too person to worry about!

Really dont need this dp redundant, ds STILL doesnt speak and is painfully shy, dd well is just a madam who has me under the thumb and im too tired to break the habit, and theyve done nothing but scream at each other all day, oh and I want to redecorate, now im just making a fuss over nothing because im in a feeling sorry for myself mood, off to find something unhealthy to cheer me up!

Not read whole post

YANBU my mum only decided 2 years ago not have any children with my vile violent step dad...
I am 29, just

had i had children younge and my mum chose to allow my evil step dad to be a dad, then they could quite easily have children, younger than children i might have had.

Im eternally greatful they havent (and have some cats instead), as my step dad is not fot to be a father...

You have my sympathy

(touches wood that my mum doesnt announce she is pg in the near future!)