to have told DSS it is OK to lie to his mother?

[mmrred]

Wasn't sure whether to put this here but do want genuine opinions...

My DSS has just spent the w/end with us and my DH took him swimming, a fairly regular activity. This morning before they went, DSS was on the phone to his Mum (we have to make him phone morning and night) and I heard him say he was going swimming and then somehting about arm-bands.

I was confused as he hasn't needed to wear arm-bands for over a year, so I asked him about it - it turns out his Mum was telling him he had to wear arm-bands and not go in any water deeper than his chest and not to go on the water slides...and he was blithely agreeing with her and telling her what she wanted to hear.

I told him I didn't like him to fib to his Mum (or at all) and he said he didn't want to upset her. So then I didn't know what to say. I told him I understood how difficult it was for him and that bottom line he was making that decision (to lie) but that I didn't want him to lie to me or his Dad.

And now I'm really confused and not sure if I did the right thing.

I did read it carefully twice looking for irony.
It is 5 past 11 here, and I am sleep deprived.

would say it's been a pleasure but it hasnt, i'm sure i will voice my opinions on all you good folk with low morals oh sorry i mean high yes high morals.

Don't let the door hit your arse

I just wonder what's going in someone's life (like TSSB's) to want to come on to a board like this and try to argue a stupid, nonsense point of view.

I will never get her or the number of mad ex wives out there.

I really won't

I don't think you're the first to have had a run-in with her, Harimo. Don't get drawn in.

Harimo's, I can't believe she meant half of what she said, I think she was just trying to wind you up.

Coz if she did and she's out there wandering free in the world ....good lord...

God, this thread really did kick off last night. Let's hope SunnyDelight or whatever her name is does indeed head off to NetMums.

MrsJammi- don't worry I read it as you meant it

weird thread this

I would like too say sorry for everything i said, i was having a rough last few days, i was wrong. sorry

Hope the next few days are better for you

I'm new here so...hi...be gentle with me!!

I haven't the time to read all the thread so apologies if my comments are out of line...

I do find the attitude that the step-mum has a say/right to overide the mum when the step-kids are on an access visit a little galling...the amount of moaning I have seen on discussion boards about friends, MILS and even Mums sticking their nose in and interferring...surely this is the same thing ...just more irritating as the step-mum isn't someone the mum has exactly chosen to be in the childrens lives. I do appriciate it is not an easy path to tread but one poster suggesting that mums aren't always right and should listen to the preachings of the step-mum...no we're not always tight but like any other biological parent we do reserve the right to make our own mistakes with our own kids and to be respected along with the biological father as the main desicion maker for our own children...

I'll get me coat...

Whoops....I of course mean right not tight...not a Freudian slip

I don't think its fair to get into a debate about who has it the hardest...single parents have it pretty tough too..esp if they don't have a DH...

bloody hell, now it is "the who has it harder thread"
I win

oh that's it........you have a pc in you bedroom

I haven't perceived it as anyone saying a step-parent has the right to "over-ride" the mum (or dad).
But in this case, and others that have been quoted on the thread, the birth parent has issued some rules/demands that, frankly, have been bloody hard to comply with. And in this case, there's clearly a whole history of "stuff" going on that means we cannot really judge the OP for wobbling. She's clearly been trying to tread the fine line between supporting her DSS, but not aggravating a tense situation. And I reckon she's been doing a fine job, too, from what I've read on here. Not the whole story, I know, but that's internet forums for you.

It's not about whose life is harder and comparing one person's life to another's - it's about comparing being a step-mum to being a mum when you are both.

I agree, being a step-mum is much harder than being a mum - there are all sorts of dynamics to take into account that you just don't have with your own child.

And it's not about a step-mum ignoring or over-ruling a mum's wishes. It's more than when they are with their Dad that he is as entitled to have a say about what goes on as the mum, and generally should just be left to get on with it without interference (and vice versa).

I really hate the term "access visit", it's so impersonal. Dsd is either at home with her mum or at home with us, both places are home and she's not a visitor, she's a member of the family

Oh and welcome Anonymouslady!