to have told DSS it is OK to lie to his mother?

[mmrred]

Wasn't sure whether to put this here but do want genuine opinions...

My DSS has just spent the w/end with us and my DH took him swimming, a fairly regular activity. This morning before they went, DSS was on the phone to his Mum (we have to make him phone morning and night) and I heard him say he was going swimming and then somehting about arm-bands.

I was confused as he hasn't needed to wear arm-bands for over a year, so I asked him about it - it turns out his Mum was telling him he had to wear arm-bands and not go in any water deeper than his chest and not to go on the water slides...and he was blithely agreeing with her and telling her what she wanted to hear.

I told him I didn't like him to fib to his Mum (or at all) and he said he didn't want to upset her. So then I didn't know what to say. I told him I understood how difficult it was for him and that bottom line he was making that decision (to lie) but that I didn't want him to lie to me or his Dad.

And now I'm really confused and not sure if I did the right thing.

Sorry, what's been made up? I missed that bit, TSSB

Believe, not belive.

Haven't, not havent.

aww shame for you, picking on little things, have you run out.

Go back and read.

Harimosbroomstick, look i will make the effort with people that are worth it, you however are not.

Not at all.. As I said, You are welcome to your view. I won't argue with it. Good luck to you.

I hope it works out for you, though I doubt you will get past the age of 16 before your kids tell you to stick it...

But please do pay attention to your posts.

If you are going to control your children, please at least teach them good grammar.

Off you pop then... No-one is keeping you here.

The OP already knows she's done the best she can.

yes dear, go back to being bitter about your husband having kids with someone else.

Mmrred you sound like a thoughtful and caring Stepmum who is doing her best in a difficult situation.

Harimo, come to that, so do you.

As I said before - my DS has a SM. She treats my son well. We have very little contact (difficult because of XP) but he speaks of her with warmth and fondness - the fact that they have a decent relationship is all that matters to me, really.

Please ignore the attention seeking stirrer!

Oh come on, there's no need to pick someone's English/grammar apart.

point proven, nasty little mouth you got on you, does their REAL mother know this.

Things being made up? Hun.... you need to take your own medicine!!!

I adore my DSDs (as anyone on the step parenting board will tell you!) - I've been a SM for a good ten years more than I've been a biological mum.

And, I'm in the extremely lucky position to say that my step kids and my biological kids get on SOOO well - I do feel quite emotional about that..........

I really don't care what you write... You can't change what they all feel for each other, as siblings. And that is something I do treasure.

Thats good happy for you

If you are going to be rude about someone's grammar, probably best to check that your own is correct on all occasions.

Ohhh this has made me wistful for the good old fashioned bunfights we used to have in the olden days....

Happy parenting everyone xx

Harimos... ignore her, she's clearly a bitter woman with shit loads of baggage.
TSSB imo is so self involved that she has no understanding that caring for a dsc is a heady mix of love and concern, with restrictions,
you are constantly aware that they are not your own, but want to include them fully in your and your partners life.
Because after all, that is what is best for the dc and your partner... It might be bloody hard for the bio parent to swallow but that's their problem.
Getting that balance is nigh on impossible and having controlling, biological parents jeopardising the childs happiness and sense of belonging to score points is beyond me.
You're obviously a great SM as is the OP.

"yes dear, go back to being bitter about your husband having kids with someone else. "

now I've been around on mn far too long but that one is up there with the cattiest whichever side you're on

Ironic thing is, I wouldn't swap my DSDs for anything on earth.

They are amazing wonderful girls who I feel honoured to have in my life.

I really do feel quite emotional when I see the kids (them and their half siblings) crawling all over each other... they have a certain ease with each other which I find amazing - given the age gap / parent gap.

It's wonderful to see.

mrsjammi - thats a bit harsh. Id say that when dss goes swimming with his dad, then his dad should make the rules.

Has she gone yet? TSSB, I mean.

Yes don't worry i'm off to netmums see ya.