to ask friend, who came from abroad to visit new baby & family, to leave?

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This is my first AIBU, please be gentle with me. i really am in a dilemma about this and willing to consider all viewpoints. she in in house with me now, so typing fast. apols in advance for typos and poss having to 'reveal by stealth'. tia

friend came last week to visit me, newborn and family. after two days she states that she came on open ticket and had come to 'help'. however, as my cousin is living with and helping me, my friend has decided to get a job until christmas, before flying back home.

so, yesterday, she enquired in the local shopping centre and updated her cv. this has MY address and phone number on. she didnt ask in advance and i was too chicken to say anything at the time. im worried this is the thin end of the wedge and that she will need bank account, NI number etc in my address.

the overall situation is far from ideal. she is sleeping on the settee, has a bag in the hallway and another in my bedroom. there are a total of 7 people now living in my 3 bedroom home. no mention has been made,by me or her, about this arrangement. am usually mindful to use appliances at night, when its cheaper. she puts on heating, washing machine, tumble drier without a second thought and its starting to rile me. she also involves with managing children, to which i have commented, but i dont want her to feel gauche and unwelcome. i feel bad typing this post and maybe shouldnt say anything? i have 3 week old, is it my hormones and aibu?

YANBU, although I understand that you are in a very very tricky position (I would be rubbish about telling her to leave). I agree with auntyitaly ask you cousin to have a quiet word first and then perhaps your husband. Its really important that you have time with your LO, 3 weeks is a really hard time.

WTF how can your sister think what she's doing is OK??
I barely cope with people staying overnight!
And she has stuff all over your house and is treating you like a hotel!
She is taking the piss, sorry - unless you both did this sort of thing to each other at one point and she genuinely just hasn't realised that things have chnaged.

Just be honest
Wonderful to see her
But totally impractical for her to stay beyond the weekend
Tell her about your brother's offer and make suggestions about where to look for a room -
See of she are usually lots of people that will have students to stay, ask at the university

Chuck her out. If she is thick-skinned enough to not realise what a rude, annoying thing she is doing, she won't be hurt by you being blunt.

And at your sister - if your sister is so fine with it, maybe the friend should go and freeload off her.

wukter, sorry your post made me laugh. but she has come fully equipped with ear-plugs and an eye mask. im not joking. she's just a light sleeper!

"im worried this is the thin end of the wedge and that she will need bank account, NI number etc in my address." Where is she from? Is she even here legally - that is to say is she allowed to work here legally?

If I'm brually honest, this all sounds really suspicious on her part. Turning up on your doorstep and then within a week she's looking for a job and giving them your address and phone number?

Tbh I might be inclined to ring up the imigration office (or whoever it is that deals with people coming into the country) and find out what legal rights she has here.

If she's going to be working here and this is potentially not legal, and has given your address etc you can get into a lot of trouble.

you have JUST had a baby...be as crazy as you like when telling her, youre sorry but this situation isnt working and you need time alone with your little family.

tell her your bro ahs offered her a room as its not working her having the sofa, you need to be able to relax and bond, not play b&b to her..seriously dont worry if you upset her or not, she sounds like shes taking advantage anyway!

agree with wannabe -that's what I thought - but didn't realise you could get into trouble too - you don't need this! Tell her you'll need the space back by the weekend - invite someone to stay on Sat night if it helps (someone who will leave on Sunday )

actually no, don;t play games, make excuses or blame your hormones. She is taking the piss so be assertive and tell her you need your space back and if she refuses go into detail. Then call the police

up to a ten grand fine for harbouring an illegal imigrant.

she is from a european country, so im assuming that she can work in the uk. dont know though.

she's a flighty kind of person and im sure its just because she hasnt thought how this might impact on me and my family. she's never had to iyswim. now ive posted this ive made my mind up to speak to her today, or i will keep putting it off.

dont think the OP has actually said she's from abroad but the "open ticket" and the fact she needs an address adds up to that.
Didn't think of it in those terms, but you're right, it is!!

and if the friend is giving op's address for work-related issues then it's unlikely imigration would believe that she didn't know, iyswim.

oh ok. Whereabouts in europe is she from?

sorry x post.
Let u know how you get on. Hope it all goes well.

italy.

im getting worried now.

she needs to use the computer...let her but leave this open!

If she's any kind of friend you should be able to get her to leave without it forfeiting your friendship.
You should be able to say how you're wanting family time, bonding time, routine etc etc with your baby. And she should accept this.
But, if she hears this and digs her heels in to stay or turns it into a situation whereby you end up falling out for a bit, that is her problem, and something she (not you) has done.
And you can know then that she is using you and your home rather than being there to help you.

Easy for me to say. Like you, I'm crap at these things when it comes down to it.

Apart from your brother's is there any where else she can stay?

worried why?
If she's planning to stay until Christmas and work she can find a short term let!

Does your LO sleep? If not - Pace with your babe. Up and down. Right by friend's 'bed'. At 2 in the morning. Every night.

Failing that - just tell her. Tell her now. While she is in the house and we are here backing you up.

Say "It's been so brilliant to have you visit, but as you can see we are full to bursting here and there just isn't room for you to stay much longer. Where do you think you might be staying from Sunday?"

Then scoot back up to your pc and tell us you have done it. Do not post until you have. Go on.

Now.

What are you waiting for?????

Omg, TELL HER TO LEAVE! As someone else said, youve just had a baby, so perfect excuse!! Just say,
"Its been lovely to see you, but Im going to have to ask you to make arrangements to move on - I just am finding it too crazy with all these extra people in the house." Or something like that. Just tell her you need your house back, I cant beilieve she thinks she can stay and work from your house, crazy.

dont know if any of my sisters would also let her stay for a week each, but dont really want to take it on as my responsibility to organise that. i think to do so kind of permits the ad hoc approach she has?

I would just give her some website ideas like RightMove and say 'If you're planning to stay until Christmas and thinking about working you would be much better off getting a short let, Have a look here' or something along those lines. and get dp to tell her you cannot cope with more people in the house when you have a new baby.

yes agree with merrylegs, you are so completely not in the wrong here...

She should be able to work here (will google and check) so that should be ok.

But I would still get rid.