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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to ask friend, who came from abroad to visit new baby & family, to leave?

473 replies

RenderedSpeechless · 07/10/2009 11:48

This is my first AIBU, please be gentle with me. i really am in a dilemma about this and willing to consider all viewpoints. she in in house with me now, so typing fast. apols in advance for typos and poss having to 'reveal by stealth'. tia

friend came last week to visit me, newborn and family. after two days she states that she came on open ticket and had come to 'help'. however, as my cousin is living with and helping me, my friend has decided to get a job until christmas, before flying back home.

so, yesterday, she enquired in the local shopping centre and updated her cv. this has MY address and phone number on. she didnt ask in advance and i was too chicken to say anything at the time. im worried this is the thin end of the wedge and that she will need bank account, NI number etc in my address.

the overall situation is far from ideal. she is sleeping on the settee, has a bag in the hallway and another in my bedroom. there are a total of 7 people now living in my 3 bedroom home. no mention has been made,by me or her, about this arrangement. am usually mindful to use appliances at night, when its cheaper. she puts on heating, washing machine, tumble drier without a second thought and its starting to rile me. she also involves with managing children, to which i have commented, but i dont want her to feel gauche and unwelcome. i feel bad typing this post and maybe shouldnt say anything? i have 3 week old, is it my hormones and aibu?

OP posts:
preciouslillywhite · 09/10/2009 22:52

well done Rendered

and don't feel guilty. I have never seen an AIBU get 100 per cent support before!

When la Dolce Vita has a baby, her mind will flick back to this episode and she'll realise how out of order she was, fling herself at your feet and beg forgiveness- or she might even work it out on the way home!

pigletmania · 09/10/2009 22:59

gosh well done Rendered what a cheek just to turn up without consulting you and asking if its ok

USERSRLOSERS · 09/10/2009 23:10

I have never used MN before but have been riveted by your saga,you poor thing. This Italiana is a sociopath she obviosly cannot empathise with other human beings. Hopefully she has learnt from this so well done you. Iwould keep her at arm's length from now on because she was trying to lay an evil guilt trip on you my sis had an Italian "friend2 who thought that she my sis loved having her daughter around every night so she could save on child minder fees after a few weeks my sis realised she was being used and gave said woman marching orders. Woman became hysterical and ranted at my sis UNBELEIVABLE enjoy your little one in peace!!!!

USERSRLOSERS · 09/10/2009 23:11

I have never used MN before but have been riveted by your saga,you poor thing. This Italiana is a sociopath she obviosly cannot empathise with other human beings. Hopefully she has learnt from this so well done you. Iwould keep her at arm's length from now on because she was trying to lay an evil guilt trip on you my sis had an Italian "friend2 who thought that she my sis loved having her daughter around every night so she could save on child minder fees after a few weeks my sis realised she was being used and gave said woman marching orders. Woman became hysterical and ranted at my sis UNBELEIVABLE enjoy your little one in peace!!!!

Knickers0nMahead · 09/10/2009 23:40

And breath!!!

Don't feel guilty, it is your home and you should be able to feel comfortable there.

aristoBLACKcat · 09/10/2009 23:51

well done and have a great weekend

Asana · 10/10/2009 00:26

Silent lurker here. Well done Rendered!!!

sparkle09 · 10/10/2009 00:28

fantasic news, been out with dp tonight (i will add for the first time in years,!)
and have blown him out for this. lol.(hes in bed now! )

but im really happy this came through right for you.

now its time for you, DP and DC to enjoy and adjust properly to new DC, relax and enjoy your time t ogether now.

(sorry for typos, to many bottles glasses of wine! lol )

juneybean · 10/10/2009 00:31

Just caught up on this thread, way to go!

Toddlershambles · 10/10/2009 00:47

It's obviously been a horrible experience for you, but it's an ill-wind .... the real-time spontaneous virtual tea party earlier this evening made the world a better place for (I suspect) a very large number of people. Hope you don't mind.

I agree with all the comments below - enjoy your weekend, and don't dwell.

Kayzr · 10/10/2009 06:35

Yay Rendered!!!

So glad she has finally left!

Ineedmorechocolatenow · 10/10/2009 07:23

Yey! Don't feel guilty, and try to have a fab weekend x

latestincarnation · 10/10/2009 07:35

So pleased for you! I hope you all have a fab weekend, don't feel guilty, one day she may realise what an imposition it was ( for La dolce vita understanding what all this was about)

I hope you are not to hung over this morning from all the MN and real comforting wine

Niknak21 · 10/10/2009 07:43

Hip Hip Hooray, have a lovely Italian free weekend

AttilaTheMeerkat · 10/10/2009 07:52

Don't feel bad for getting rid of the 32 year old Italiana freeloader; she's likely taken advantage of others long before you.

sockmonkey · 10/10/2009 07:57

Another silent lurker congratulating you RS.
Hope you are getting a nice lie in! You deserve it, well done

justaboutautumn · 10/10/2009 08:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

StealthPolarBear · 10/10/2009 08:41

au revoir la dolce vita
(and yes, i know)

IsItMeOr · 10/10/2009 08:49

Well done Rendered - and this is officially the most gripping MN thread ever for me. DH was asking for an precis and update this morning .

FlyMeToDunoon · 10/10/2009 08:52

Just read the whole thread and would like to add my congratulations.

juneybean · 10/10/2009 09:24

What's the female equivalent of a cocklodger LMAO

FleeBee · 10/10/2009 09:44

Just told my DH that Bella Italia had gone and he cheered!!! We are raising mugs of tea in celebration, well done RS

SolidGhoulBrass · 10/10/2009 10:11

Juneybean: well it would be twatlodger I suppose but it's not really appropriate to this situation, the italiana parasite wasn't trading sexual favours or the promise thereof as a reason to stay.

bergentulip · 10/10/2009 10:39

I have read the whole thread. Very fascinating and glad it has worked out. Hope the friendship survives.

However, may I just make one slightly unrelated comment. At the beginning a lot of posters were questioning whether someone Italy is allowed to work in the UK !

I am quite simply astounded that anyone can be unaware that across the whole of the EU, anyone can pretty much work anywhere.... of course we/they can. It's a great thing too.

.... also meaning we Brits can swan over to the continent and look for a job there without any trouble. How can people not know this?

The EU is a great thing and has opened up so many more countries for us all, lots of possibilities and choice. Just simply bizarre anyone was questioning whether Madame Italia was allowed to work here...?!

Pwsimerimew · 10/10/2009 11:18

good for you - you are not a bad person xx