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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to ask friend, who came from abroad to visit new baby & family, to leave?

473 replies

RenderedSpeechless · 07/10/2009 11:48

This is my first AIBU, please be gentle with me. i really am in a dilemma about this and willing to consider all viewpoints. she in in house with me now, so typing fast. apols in advance for typos and poss having to 'reveal by stealth'. tia

friend came last week to visit me, newborn and family. after two days she states that she came on open ticket and had come to 'help'. however, as my cousin is living with and helping me, my friend has decided to get a job until christmas, before flying back home.

so, yesterday, she enquired in the local shopping centre and updated her cv. this has MY address and phone number on. she didnt ask in advance and i was too chicken to say anything at the time. im worried this is the thin end of the wedge and that she will need bank account, NI number etc in my address.

the overall situation is far from ideal. she is sleeping on the settee, has a bag in the hallway and another in my bedroom. there are a total of 7 people now living in my 3 bedroom home. no mention has been made,by me or her, about this arrangement. am usually mindful to use appliances at night, when its cheaper. she puts on heating, washing machine, tumble drier without a second thought and its starting to rile me. she also involves with managing children, to which i have commented, but i dont want her to feel gauche and unwelcome. i feel bad typing this post and maybe shouldnt say anything? i have 3 week old, is it my hormones and aibu?

OP posts:
JulesJules · 10/10/2009 11:21

Well Done You!! Enjoy your time with your baby and family!

(Bergen at first we only knew she was from abroad - we did not know where from until a later post further down the thread, I'm sure most people know that people from the EU can work here!)

FABIsInTraining · 10/10/2009 13:36

I bet you felt great this morning, RS, knowing you had your house back.

RenderedSpeechless · 10/10/2009 13:49

not long woken up - again. its a lovely sunny day here. ds is having a nap and we going to take a sort walk to feed the ducks.

if im honest, did feel some residual guilt........................................

until i noticed that

SHE TOOK HER BREAD.

four poxy slices, including the 'end' slice,

AND SHE TOOK THEM.

i need no further convincing that i am well rid.

OP posts:
latestincarnation · 10/10/2009 13:52
Grin
latestincarnation · 10/10/2009 13:53

she has nerve, I'll give her that!!

JJ · 10/10/2009 14:03

That's hilarious!

This is definitely the best AIBU thread ever.

JulesJules · 10/10/2009 14:11

SHE TOOK HER BREAD ??

Oh My God

theDeadPirateRoberts · 10/10/2009 14:37

Check the butter dish too

FABIsInTraining · 10/10/2009 14:41

Have you heard from your brother this morning?

RenderedSpeechless · 10/10/2009 14:45

no, not heard from brother. might call him later.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 10/10/2009 14:50

did you get a thank you for having me? bottle of chianti?

RenderedSpeechless · 10/10/2009 14:59

LOL SPG, i think any possible 'thank you' got lost amid the "i dont think so" or mumbled "bye".

you actually have a point though, she's so miffed that she really didnt see that there was ANYTHING to thank me for! bizarre.

OP posts:
pigletmania · 10/10/2009 15:12

God she is rude, i am of mediterranean descent and would never ever dream of doing such a thing. The only people that i think do it is my ILs from Malta, they do like to stay about a month or so a couple of times a year and FIL even has his post directed to our house which is a lot as he is a dvd and book fan I do make allowences as they are dh parents not just a friend.

I think that your 'friend' was using helping with your dc as an exucse for coming to the UK getting a job and mabey living here for a bit and saw you as a soft touch

citronella · 10/10/2009 18:27

Hmm I want to know what happens next. Have you heard from DB yet RenderedSpeechless? She must be laying it on thick there. And how's he going to get rid now?
Keep updating. This is one of the most compelling threads of the season!

Jux · 10/10/2009 19:19

(Lurker) She's going to be at your bro's for a looooong looooong time. Unless his wife is on MN too!

My mum was born a bred in France and she would 'tsk' at this and say "veeerrrry continental"

WebDude · 10/10/2009 19:59

bergentulip - it was unclear in the first dozen or more posts that the visitor was European, let alone Italian, and it's even then not instantly known that someone's nationality allows them to work in the EU. Having flown in from an EU nation doesn't in itself guarantee that's their nation of origin, IYSWIM.

Given your nickname - you might be keen on Norway, which to the best of my knowledge is still not a member of the EU, and therefore a Norwegian might have to apply for a work permit or visa to visit the UK, let alone stay for a number of months. However "flying in from Europe" could easily include someone from Norway, even if "from Scandinavia" might be a slightly more common expression in the circumstances.

Further, while I am familiar with the "open borders" idea, the technicalities of what one needs (eg the NI number, and perhaps plenty of other documents varying country by country) is something more likely known to those keen to find out (ie researching before going abroad to work). Probably true to say the vast majority of people have not considered zipping off abroad, just because they can...

starkadder · 10/10/2009 22:42

Webdude - actually, it is all about nationality.

Norwegians can work in the UK as if EU citizens, because they're part of the EEA.

Only exceptions are Bulgarians and Romanians, for the time being.

starkadder · 10/10/2009 22:43

PS Congratulations RS

bergentulip · 11/10/2009 08:56

Fair enough. I just get riled the 'them and us' thing about 'Europe'....

pet peeve of mine is when anyone, the BBC news(!), the media, organisations etc... in the UK refer to Europe as if it is another place. We are part of the EUROPE-argh!

Bla bla bla.... "and over in Europe..." What? That makes no sense! We are IN Europe. And the fact the reputable organisations and people like the BBC cannot get it right..... don't get me started. ANyway, I digress.

And I am not venting at you Webdude, I appreciated your very well put response. I just take any opportunity I can to moan about that little gripe.

btw, 'Bergen' in my nickname comes from a town in Southern Netherlands, not Norway. (hence the tulip bit)

WebDude · 11/10/2009 15:56

Ah, thanks for clarification BT - I did wonder about the tulip part, but feel sure plants still grow in Norway, albeit under harsher conditions.

Thanks for the info, starkadder. Knew of the EEU but not clear on UK law, esp re Norwegians... I guess inhabitants of San Marino, Andorra, Monaco and Liechtenstein get lumped in because of adjacent (larger) country membership of EU, or them being in EEU.

ilovesprouts · 11/10/2009 17:26

bump !

YouKnowHumanBonesCrunch · 12/10/2009 12:12

Only just caught up on Friday's developments!

Hurray!

Well done RS, you have nothing to feel bad about at all, you've been a bloody saint.

Thanks to Justabout for linking the tenterhooks thing

For some reason I've got "Ding dong the witch is dead" stuck in my head

Nahla · 01/11/2009 21:03

Came to this late and was thinking for a moment she was jobless and homeless in Italy and saw you as a last attempt to sort herself out.

But then you said she lives with her parents!!!!

Its hard when friends are clueless like that, but you did the right thing.

Bet she's still at your brother's!!!

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