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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to ask friend, who came from abroad to visit new baby & family, to leave?

473 replies

RenderedSpeechless · 07/10/2009 11:48

This is my first AIBU, please be gentle with me. i really am in a dilemma about this and willing to consider all viewpoints. she in in house with me now, so typing fast. apols in advance for typos and poss having to 'reveal by stealth'. tia

friend came last week to visit me, newborn and family. after two days she states that she came on open ticket and had come to 'help'. however, as my cousin is living with and helping me, my friend has decided to get a job until christmas, before flying back home.

so, yesterday, she enquired in the local shopping centre and updated her cv. this has MY address and phone number on. she didnt ask in advance and i was too chicken to say anything at the time. im worried this is the thin end of the wedge and that she will need bank account, NI number etc in my address.

the overall situation is far from ideal. she is sleeping on the settee, has a bag in the hallway and another in my bedroom. there are a total of 7 people now living in my 3 bedroom home. no mention has been made,by me or her, about this arrangement. am usually mindful to use appliances at night, when its cheaper. she puts on heating, washing machine, tumble drier without a second thought and its starting to rile me. she also involves with managing children, to which i have commented, but i dont want her to feel gauche and unwelcome. i feel bad typing this post and maybe shouldnt say anything? i have 3 week old, is it my hormones and aibu?

OP posts:
latestincarnation · 07/10/2009 13:58

TBH I wonder whats going on in italy, that a 32 yo has no commitments (work/rent etc) to be able to plan a "surprise" visit to you. Its not your problem, she needs to go, but I bet there is an interesting back story to it.

but don't listen to it

Get more chocolate!!

louii · 07/10/2009 13:58

To be honest i would put her out sooner, what an absolute cheeky wagon.

Not a friend i would like to have, not much of a friend at all.

MollieO · 07/10/2009 13:58

Actually translates as 'go f* yourself'

JackBauer · 07/10/2009 14:00

OOh, logged off to do nothing improtant work and come back to resolution, well done!

(one way ticket, cheeky beeatch!)

Casserole · 07/10/2009 14:00

Oh well DONE!!

Just another voice saying that you're so no being unreasonable. I wonder if it's worth you having a plan in mind just in case Friday comes and she doesn't show any signs of going - maybe get your brother ready to have her from Friday?

aristoBLACKcat · 07/10/2009 14:04

well done

great result

summerisover · 07/10/2009 14:07

point her in the direction of an internet cafe or a local library where she can use the internet for free!

Disable your intenet access, so it appears 'broken'.

I am totally shocked also at the cheek and audacity of this woman!

Congratualtions on the safe arrival of your little one! And also to your other children on becoming big brothers/sisters!

Pumpkinbummum · 07/10/2009 14:10

RS I think you need to keep coming back to this thread as I suspect you might feel bad by Friday DON'T

Agree with latestincarnation I think something else is going on, and your baby was the excuse she used to get freeboard,

Hope she is running the bath for you!!

geraldinetheluckygoat · 07/10/2009 14:20

Blimey. What a blardy cheek!!! Well done, RS, you definitely did rightthing, sounds like she was planning to stay with you into old age...

stuffitllllama · 07/10/2009 14:24

unbelievable.. three weeks old

if you can't tell her to leave, wander down to the living room at 3 am every night with your squawker

Naat · 07/10/2009 14:29

Oh my God!!

Well done, RS! But I agree with Casserole. If she's this cheeky maybe Friday comes and just says "sorry, no money, no ticket"

Merrylegs · 07/10/2009 14:29

Well done woman! Now, Do Not Dwell on it.

But did 'lol' at this - "she knows my family and they welcomed her in a heartbeat."

Um. Except they didn't this time... Your sis told you to keep her, and your brother has said 'a week only'.

(Hope this hasn't buggered up any future freebie Italian holidays.)

elmofan · 07/10/2009 14:30

what a f##king liberty , agree with stuffitllllama squawking baby will have her booking her flight home a.s.a.p

TheCrackFox · 07/10/2009 14:34

I bet you anything that said "friend" only wanted to do the cutesy baby stuff anyway. Nobody ever wants to scrub the toilet or take the bins out. Which is the kind of help you really want when you have a newborn.

GibbonWithAnAppleBobbingBibOn · 07/10/2009 14:41

Well done!

Ineedmorechocolatenow · 07/10/2009 14:47

Well done. Must have been a awkward conversation...

Cheeky mare!

IsItMeOr · 07/10/2009 15:10

Well done RenderedSpeechless - you have done a brilliant job.

I don't believe she's from Italy mind. I think she is from another planet .

Okay, if you have time, I would like to know:
how old she is?
how did you meet?
does she have parents somewhere?

IsItMeOr · 07/10/2009 15:26

Sorry, posted before I refreshed properly . She's 32?!

Agree with others that there must be an interesting back-story in Italy for her to be available to pitch up uninvited for 4 months. Imho she is not a good friend, or a lovely person, she is a dishonest freeloader.

Let us know when she's gone .

RenderedSpeechless · 07/10/2009 15:26

lol iimo, children not back from school yet and friend gone for a walk (in the rain), so have time to say she is 32, met her 11 years ago - worked together, family live in italy.

think the sceptics may be on to something about background story. friend was in germany three weeks ago. not sure why, or why she left. i had just given birth a didnt have prrescence of mind to ask. she is returning home for xmas and her cousins wedding, before - get this - appllying to work for a charity in africa. hmmm the mind boggles. she doesnt have children or partner, but wants both. unusual way of setting about this, hhhmmm.

OP posts:
YouKnowNothingoftheCrunch · 07/10/2009 15:37

Well done Rendered! Great to see it resolved - or at least on its way to resolution, as she hasn't left yet!

Don't let he persuade you that she will help if she stays longer. I couldn't cope with close family staying more than a day or two after dc3, let alone someone who just turned up and took my valuable sofa-space

Hope you can relax and enjoy baby now.

pofacedandproud · 07/10/2009 15:52

A one way ticket????Surely return tickets are not much more than one way tickets? what on earth was she thinking of?

JustAnotherManicMummy · 07/10/2009 15:58

Mama Mia!

What a fecking liberty!

Where do you live? Is it somewhere nice? I could do with a holiday but don't really have the money at the moment

MrsFawlty · 07/10/2009 16:04

Wow, sounds like the kind of friendship you could do with feng shui-ing into the bin.

NorbertDentressangle · 07/10/2009 16:08

Sounds like something has gone tits-up for her (relationship or job in Germany perhaps??) so shes seen you as somewhere to hang out, rent-free until shes due back in Italy for Xmas.

Well done at putting her straight.

You are not a home for waifs and strays, you are a new mum with a family to take care of.

AnnVan · 07/10/2009 16:52

bloody hell rs.!!!
GOod on you. As other have already said 'what a fcking liberty! She bought a one way ticket well she really wasn't planning on a quick visit to 'help with the baby'
And as for asking how long you're using the laptop for - it's YOUR LAPTOP!! if you want to sit and use it all day that is your fricking prerogative and she can go &
%£^$&".
Good luck actually getting her to leave though...

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