To be pissed off at the fuss brother in law and life are making for their kid's 1st birthday?

[Jude68]

Their 1st dc and our 2nd dc's were born only two month's apart. When DD2 had her 1st birthday at the end of August my partner didn't want to take a precious day's leave from work for her birthday as he said "she's only 1, she won't care anyway." All we did was get her a cake, sing happy birthday and helped her open her presents in the evening when the grandparents (one set anyway) were there. They live with us anyway so it's not like they had to make the effort to come over.
DP's brother saw him at work and said should he give DP her present or bring it over the following Sunday when they were coming over for lunch anyway...nothing to do with celebrating DC's birthday.
Now for their DC's upcoming big day they are planning a big family outing to a farm (shit choice) and have published a list, like a wedding list where people can choose what to get their daughter from.
Now it's up to them I suppose how they choose to celebrate but it's making me feel pissed off with DP, guilty with myself and sad for DC2 that we didn't make a fuss.
Am I being pathetic? What did you do for 1st birthdays? I know the baby doesn't care but it's showing everyone else how much you love them isn't it?

[MoreCrackThanHarlem]

Linking to another thread was churlish imo. Like 'look everyone, jude's a cow, lets all be mean'

[DuelingFanjo]

Jude, what did you do for your first DC's birthday?

[Jude68]

scottishmummy, I wasn't having a dig. Sometimes you need to be told you are acting like a knob and to give yourself a bit of a talking to and move on.

[Jude68]

DD1's birthday fell on a Sunday and we invited both sets of grandparents (well 3 sets as DP's parents are divorced) over for a tea party. We had a bit of a spread and it felt like a "party"...not just people coming in from work on a weekday night feeling tired and going "oh ok, shall we light the cake and get the presents down?"

[GoppingOtter]

most of my dcs are boys so my opinion doesn't count BUT we normally buy them a balloon and sing

they love it and we love them

'showing the world' how much i love my dc has never crossed my mind i show them. end of

[scottishmummy]

well you will get planty talkin to on aibu jude

as i see it leave other folk to fuss and gush as they wish,whilst you fuss and gush over your own children

[MoreCrackThanHarlem]

Fgs leave the other thread alone

[thisisyesterday]

oh fgs, i only mentioned the boy thing as a possible explanation, and yes, partly because JUde pissed me off royally on that thread.

i linked to it because it, of course, meant a whole load of people went "whaaaaat?"
so it seemed easier than explaining.

in what world are we not allwoe to be swayed by previous experiences of a person?

[scottishmummy]

i hate all that cutting and pasting she said/i said shite

respond to the post, not the poster.

don't try validate your argument by dragging detritus from one thread to another. a robust riposte doesn't need she ssid this in such a thread

[MoreCrackThanHarlem]

But you were trying to sway others opinions of her, that is what I felt uncomfortable with

[scottishmummy]

no mn grudges or history.i find it baffling to dig someone up on previous posts

[scottishmummy]

no mn grudges or history.i find it baffling to dig someone up on previous posts

[DuelingFanjo]

I think people generally make more of a big deal of their first child's first birthday and it sounds like you did too.

[groundhogs]

OK, some perspective please everyone.... Handbags down please...

Jude, you and your DH have it bang on correct, the 1st birthday CAN be a big bash - but kind of like a christening, or naming thingy, it's mostly for the parents/family to celebrate.

You have it bang on right, you have made a lovely afternoon for your LO on the 1st birthday, they won't know what day it is, any more than your neighbours would.

There is PLENTY of time to do something memorable for your DC. Don't beat yourself up about it, not for a second. What your BIL has chosen to do is up to him, but personally I would prefer to spend money when it's actually useful to do so, and when my DC is old enough to appreciate it.

Don't worry about what others think, that's their business... Do what you feel and know is right.

[scottishmummy]

for us the 1st birthday was celebrating our achievement,self congratulatory well done

[MoreCrackThanHarlem]

Well put, Groundhogs

[nigglewiggle]

groundhogs - "handbags"

[SqueezyCheese]

"in what world are we not allowed to be swayed by previous experiences of a person? "

The MN world. If someone pisses you off, then you're probably better off just not partaking in their threads, rather than using them as a back up in sort of retaliation or point scoring exercise.

[devotion]

i think a birthday list is over the top for any birthday/any age and should be kept to weddings only

but celebrating your first childs birthday is perfectly normal and i think special. but how you do it is your choice.

for example i have friends who hired venues and threw big parties with entertainers or for adults as well with alcohol flowing which turned into more of an adult party but so what - they were all fun.

For my first childs birthday my partner took a day off work, i invited all the new mums i had met since having my dd and held a party for her at my very small flat then. The children played, we talked and ate food and cake and sang Happy Birthday.

My 2nd childs birthday we were on holiday and it was just as special with us four, we decorated the holiday home with banners and balloons and had a lovely meal with treats and cake and some songs. She loved it and it was just as lovely as my older daughters first party.

I think you are just feeling guilty about not really making much effort yourself. But dont worry about it, its no big deal and does not mean or make people think you love her less.

Your bil does sound over the top but each to their own I guess

[WhatFreshHellIsThis]

Jude I think you've had a bit of a pasting on here tonight, some of it quite unfair IMO.

On the birthday thing, sounds like it's more to do with how you feel about your BIL and his wife than about the actual birthday - and I know what you mean, if you feel a bit sensitive generally about particular people then their choices can really upset you in completely unreasonable ways.

Have a piece of cake and a cuppa and relax

[scottishmummy]

mn isn't real world,it is anonymous discussion forum.words ona screen and harbouring niggles and grudges really is a bit unnecessary

dont understand emphasis upon "you said/you are dis and dat...

oh grow the fuck up

[GoppingOtter]

i am with you on the birthday thing
what you did sounds more reasonable
you and the dcs have a lifetime of fab big do's and indulgent gifts. a lovely quiet celebration with family sounds just right imo

[BoysAreLikeDogs]

yy

linking previous threads or quoting old posts is wierd and a bit stalker-y

so what if OP pissed you orf on a different thread? take it up on the thread in question, don't drag grievances around the boards, poor form

[MovingOutOfBlighty]

I think you need to look at your attitude toward your extended family. It is not a constructive way of treating people. Far too petty and sad.
First you tell people not to bring gifts after births, then hold it against them when they take you at your word. Then, apparently they are not allowed to celebrate the birth of their child without having you be snotty on the sidelines. Very sad. I repeat, grow up.