To be pissed off at the fuss brother in law and life are making for their kid's 1st birthday?

[Jude68]

Their 1st dc and our 2nd dc's were born only two month's apart. When DD2 had her 1st birthday at the end of August my partner didn't want to take a precious day's leave from work for her birthday as he said "she's only 1, she won't care anyway." All we did was get her a cake, sing happy birthday and helped her open her presents in the evening when the grandparents (one set anyway) were there. They live with us anyway so it's not like they had to make the effort to come over.
DP's brother saw him at work and said should he give DP her present or bring it over the following Sunday when they were coming over for lunch anyway...nothing to do with celebrating DC's birthday.
Now for their DC's upcoming big day they are planning a big family outing to a farm (shit choice) and have published a list, like a wedding list where people can choose what to get their daughter from.
Now it's up to them I suppose how they choose to celebrate but it's making me feel pissed off with DP, guilty with myself and sad for DC2 that we didn't make a fuss.
Am I being pathetic? What did you do for 1st birthdays? I know the baby doesn't care but it's showing everyone else how much you love them isn't it?

[porcamiseria]

JUDE68 (OR ARE YOU?)

good luck, if you are down (and as others have said, I dont think you are mentally ill) I cant see how this thread would have cheered you up....Please dont let a web forum make you more upset.

I have already posted that I understand how you feel about the party thing, my DC is only one and I feel similarily nervous about parties and I also feel the same about weddings. Whether we like it or not we are all scared that we will fxxk our children up!

What I would say is that being home all day with babgies is hard work frustrating and most importantly it cvan be VERY lonely.

Lets hope that when you baby goes to Nursery things will pick up again for you.

In the meantime try and do positive things to keep your spirits up, exercise, fresh air, avoiding online bitch fests! they all work!

[TheYearOfTheCat]

I agree with Slimeoncrazydemon.

[elmofan]

hi , jude just want to say good luck , i hope you do go to your dn party & enjoy the day , & don't feel pressured to buy an expensive gift (the gift list is cheeky imo) its the thought that counts , you said you were bullied as a kid & that has changed your personality , my ds is getting bullied in school but he is still 1 of the loveliest kids you could meet & i hope he never changes his personality just to fit in , good luck x

[Jude68]

Sally78, I am so sorry for my comments on the "boys" thread. My reasons? Justification? Trying to make myself feel slightly better about how shit I feel by laying it on thick how great it is to have girls. It isn't so great anyway, or no greater than having any children.
Pathetic behaviour. I know I've got to sort my act out before my daughter realises what a bitch her mother is.
Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy.

Am going to change my username so this is my last Jude post...thank God eh?

[scottishmummy]

dont consider it a "lynch mob" people can only respond to the words on the screen.BUT in fast moving site posters cannot be expected to guess or read every nuance or guess psychiatric state.

and jude has explained she is in a troubled state of mind and pushing the self-destruct button big time.hence the posts.and boy did they get folk back's up

i suppose what i take form it,is by all means have a vociferous debate and above all dislike the posts not the poster

[MovingOutOfBlighty]

I was certainly one of the 'lynch mob' from last night, only because Jude posted time and time again in increasingly spiteful ways that really didn't show any sign of depression, rather, in the end, an unpleasant dislike of the appearance of a child. So I cannot apologise for picking you up on that as no matter how you are feeling I do think it is a really toxic way to think of a baby.

But, Sorry if you got the rough end of it Jude and that you are miserable. It is very easy to focus on things that are desperately unimportant in life, like kids parties, when your life is going tits up in more important ways. I have to admire how you stuck through all the flack so you clearly have innner reserves.

I hope you find some way of dealing with how negative you are feeling. We all get like that, but I guess I was just very [shocked] at your vitriol. In some ways, the very fact that people have strong opinions about you means that you are certainly not boring!

[Lizzylou]

Oh Jude, you do sound sad and fed up
Hoping things get better for you, and yes, a namechange may be good, if you want to

[freename]

Kitty that's what I meant when I suggested we try to give her strategies for dealing with future encounters. Sadly my post was lost in everything else that was going on.
It may be that they never get the loving feeling but how to diffuse the current rage she is feeling towards them, both for their sake and hers.
Jude you seem to have acknowledged some things which you can directly control. Concentrate on them. Forget about BIL/SIL for the mo.
eg. OK, so you're not a great party planner. Were you relying on DH to expedite it and when he didn't you were at a loss? Have you been to a party you enjoyed? Could you emulate some of the things they did for your future parties? You could use an entertainer! Could you hold a joint party with a friend whose LO has a bday close to your LOs?

I think once you realise what ever happened before doesn't need to dictate what happens in the future you'll feel indifferent about BIL/SIL. Right now they are obviously triggering something unhealthy in you. Possibly it's not about their ambitious gift list but more about them having a strong idea about their LO's party and seeing it through. And that made you feel guilty? You can be as great a mum as you want to be. Don't compare yourself to them because they don't have the answers. Work on YOU.

[sally78]

Jude I wish you had posted your final comment in the thread I started last week as I was so hurt by your comments. Now though I can see what a terrible state your in and hope you get some help and support soon.Good luck.

[kittywise]

Jude I don't think you sound depressed actually, just pissed off. It's helpful if you can find ways just to 'let things go'.

Negativity takes up SO much energy. I'm not saying you're wrong to be annoyed at your inlaws, it's just that it isn't worth the energy it takes.

Good luck and sorry you've been at the receiving end of the MN lynch mob

[preciouslillywhite]

jude missed all this last nite...was getting pissed watching telly...you still about?

I remember I left you a long rambly message about being stuck at home with kids on the last thread you were getting ripped to pieces on- think was the un-perfect mothers thread?- but it was right at the end when the thread was gasping its last so don't know if you saw it.

Fwiw you sound completely and utterly normal to me (but then I would say that, because a few years ago I'd've been posting in a very similar manner to you).It really does get better- you may well find that once you get one dd into nursery- even for half days- your life changes and the sun starts to come out again (I'm a bit ashamed to remember that when the school told me I wouldn't get nursery places for my dds after promising them to me, I cried and cried on the phone to them till they gave in - not intentionally, I just couldn't help it!)

Personally I'd swerve the antidepressants if your situation is likely to change in the next few months, because you might find that the fog lifts naturally. Specially if you get work.

Be lucky, love. Oh, and change your name

[elmofan]

jude i really hope you do go to your gp , you do seem to be really down , this thread has been a roller coaster of emotions for everyone tbh , more so for you I'm sure ,
hope you feel happier in yourself soon , x

[VicarInaBooTu]

yep scottishmummy thats what i meant, that everyone wades in for a swipe.

forums are strange places - sometimes i read something - and people are so sympathetic even when its undeserved (well - to me anyway!) it makes me laugh!
but when there are undertones of something else going on id expect people to read it - maybe im a bit soft - see now youve got me questioning me! i dont know - i just thought there was much more to this from reading the early posts.

Jude - dont blame you for leaving it here - (im gonna stop posting now!) you could be defending yourself for ever and a day - so yes draw a line under it and move on. i really hope your feeling ok about it - if nothing else its made you realise whats going on and that you need to talk about your feelings and maybe get some help for depression.
ive never been there, but there but for the grace of god go i.

[scottishmummy]

jude a wee word mn folk can accomodate human condition

just give them chance to.requires a leap of faith from you - post as it is,acknowledge your prickly defence mechanisms to posters. we all have em

however don't expect people to wade through prickly obtuse stuff to get to the point

[Jude68]

I haven't have a change of attitude at all. I know I'm bitchy, spiteful and horrible..on here more so than in RL because I don't have the balls in the real world.
What I have been trying to explain for the last few posts is why I do it. Attention? Yes, definately. Boredom? Yes again. Misery and fustration with my life? For sure.
I'm leaving it here now. Am going to book that appointment with the GP because my dd is starting to pick up on the fact I'm always fucking grumpy and miserable which makes me feel even lower.
Thank you and goodnight.

[scottishmummy]

if you arer referring to her and pack mentality.yes hate that too

BUT in fast moving site posters cannot be expected to guess or read every nuance or guess psychiatric state

post on anonymous site at your peril

[VicarInaBooTu]

oh and id name change and keep your photos off the forum.

good luck for the future.

[VicarInaBooTu]

Scottishmummy - i got the feeling there was more to this quite early on - so i stayed off it.
i realise people were reacting to what was being said but jude seemed to be almost goading people to hit out....it made uncomfortable reading that people were just blindly attacking

jude - tomorrow is another day. so use it to make that doctors appointment. id bet that no one really knows who you are in RL, it was just someone trying to make you take stock of what you were saying.
dont worry about it. forums can be weird places sometimes. best not to post if your feeling a bit insecure!

[scottishmummy]

making the anonymous impersonal post personal is crossing the line

jude,live to post another day.we all make tits of ourselves on mn. i do

[winnybella]

Hmmmm....
I'm not convinced about this change of attitude... First she's really nasty and when people's interest starts to wane, it's all contrition and how depressed she is...
But if I'm wrong, it's to GP off you go Jude.
You need help and there's no reason to be miserable if you can sort it out with ADs or therapy.

[ScaryFucker]

jude, you sound like bloody hard work and that you have problems that will not be solved by "venting your spleen" on MN

however, whoever tried to shit you up by saying they knew you in RL is out of order

[scottishmummy]

yes live to post again,dont sweat it jude

[Jude68]

Thanks guys. I have asked for the worst of my posts to be deleted..and they have. Yes, I've gone over the top (again) because I'm very low and fucked off and this seemed a "safe" place to vent my spleen. I feel a bit paranoid and weird now. Especially as someone said they know me in RL.
Tomorrow's another day though, right?