To be pissed off at the fuss brother in law and life are making for their kid's 1st birthday?

[Jude68]

Their 1st dc and our 2nd dc's were born only two month's apart. When DD2 had her 1st birthday at the end of August my partner didn't want to take a precious day's leave from work for her birthday as he said "she's only 1, she won't care anyway." All we did was get her a cake, sing happy birthday and helped her open her presents in the evening when the grandparents (one set anyway) were there. They live with us anyway so it's not like they had to make the effort to come over.
DP's brother saw him at work and said should he give DP her present or bring it over the following Sunday when they were coming over for lunch anyway...nothing to do with celebrating DC's birthday.
Now for their DC's upcoming big day they are planning a big family outing to a farm (shit choice) and have published a list, like a wedding list where people can choose what to get their daughter from.
Now it's up to them I suppose how they choose to celebrate but it's making me feel pissed off with DP, guilty with myself and sad for DC2 that we didn't make a fuss.
Am I being pathetic? What did you do for 1st birthdays? I know the baby doesn't care but it's showing everyone else how much you love them isn't it?

[scottishmummy]

i do find it creepy and weird when people link and/or reference previous posts.too much tap tapping and grubbing about. it is bulgey eyes territory

jesus.does anyone really recall mn discussions that much. i don't

i switch off
and switch off

[MoreCrackThanHarlem]

too much tap tapping and grubbing about. it is bulgey eyes territory

best bit of descriptive imagery I've read in a while, scottishmummy

[pranma]

Oh poor jude-its not really BU to feel a bit fed up when one baby in the family gets the stretch limo treatment and yours gets a push in her buggy [so to speak]but honestly at one the babies wont know the difference you can take your dd to hercousins party,she can have all the fun-you have none of the expense and buy your dn a nice book with a message for a pressie-how about The Smartest Giant in Town.I'd ignore the list but I bet the party bags are good

[TheLadyEvenstar]

I had a gift list for ds2's 2nd birthday 12 days ago.....

[GoppingOtter]

i've never heard of a gift list in 17 years of parenting

[scottishmummy]

dont like wedding lists sure as shite dont like children birthday list

a list for children?dont you just graciously take what you are given

[TheYearOfTheCat]

Poor Jude - yes, of course yabu, but you know that already, and have said as much. But when people have hurt you, it's really hard to let go and put it behind you.

If you find out the secret to moving on positively with your in-laws, please post for the benefit of the rest of us petty minded souls (and I will readily admit I am one too).

Although, tbh, a printed, circulated pressie list is a bit weird.

[Jude68]

Another reason I'm overeacting is that my own mother never gave my brother or I a party. She was a great mum but she was very shy and lacking self-confidence. She discouraged parties, particularly when we reached school age as she worried no one would come to them and we'd be hurt and humiliated. I think she thought she was protecting us but in actual fact we'd have loved a party. I don't want my own kids to miss out on the "proper" amount of fuss and attention however the logical part of me knows my kids are only 2.5 and 1 yr and there's plenty of time for all that jazz when, as someone else mentioned, they're actually at an age to give a toss.

How does this thread link in with the other one I posted on?

[scottishmummy]

this thread doesn't link just someone bumping gums

[TheYearOfTheCat]

One person's great party can be perceived as flashy & trashy to other people.

[GirlsAreLOud]

I thought it was against the MN talk policy to quote from other threads.

[TheLadyEvenstar]

Jude, I have 2 ds's ds1 is now 11 and ds2 is 2.

DS1
1st birthday - Garden party bbq the lot
2nd birthday - garden party bouncy castle bbq
3rd birthday - chinese restaurant
4th birthday - trip up the river and a party in the park followed by bowling
5th birthday - italian restaurant
6th birthday - hired a hall
7th birthday can't remember think we just went to mc donalds as a treat and since then he has not had a birthday party.

DS2
1st birthday a few family and friends came over and we had a small party
2nd his godparents, ds1 and ds2 and I went to a local wetherspoons for a meal....not half the fuss i made with ds1. I realised after doing it all once that you cannot keep up with it always.

Your dd will have been unaware of it being her birthday don't make the mistakes i made of doing it all when they are so young that by the time they are old enough to appreciate it you have run out of ideas.

[MmeGoblindt]

Jude
I think that you should stop comparing your family with your BILs family. Let them do what they want. My brother and his wife go completely OTT on birthdays and Xmas. I refuse to make the same fuss and do what I feel is right for my family. I don't judge them for it, it is the way they are.

Also, I think that you have to let go the grudge that you are holding against your BIL for not coming to see your baby until she was 8 weeks old. Maybe they thought you would like to get settled first. And to be upset that they did not bring something, well the blame for that is on your DP. He told them not to bring something. Let it go.

You are lucky to have a close family, your DC can play with their cousins. That is good.

[Stigaloid]

YABU - it is their first DC - let them celebrate however they wish (although the present gift list is a bit much).

[LoveBeingAMummy]

yabu judging inlaws choices and yabu in thinking that what you did wasn't good enough cause of what they are going to do.

[differentnameforthis]

My hubby didn't have dd1's 1st b'day off work, we celebrated with a party & friends on the Saturday. I worked in a pub so we had the restaurant room to ourselves with about 20 people.

It isn't about showing the world how much you love them, it is about celebrating that you got through that first year!

I am very that you need to criticise their choice of venue & it sounds more like sour grapes/party envy to me. You are in control, you could have done more if you wanted.

Dd2, her b'day was a Thursday, dh went to work. We had a party with about 10 people (inc kids) on the Sunday.

I think it is better that your dc has their birthday first, because it sounds like you would be constantly trying to 'outdo' them & their parties. Which is the long run, could cost you heaps!

Be grateful you have 2 wonderful dc to celebrate birthdays & Christmas with!

[MmeGoblindt]

Jude
I think you should take a step back. You are coming over quite bitter and resentful towards your SIL. If you show her this then I am not surprised that they did not want to visit you after you had your DD.

Your DP told them not to bring anything.

[Lizzylou]

Hmm, they do sound odd Jude. I'd be peed off at the attention comment, thats just strange.
Let it ride over your head and plan a nice birthday treat for your DD's 2nd birthday, one which you know she'll enjoy and that will mean something. At 1yrs of age the poor children won't have a clue whats going on anyway.
Grit your teeth and get on with it, I suppose.

[OrmIrian]

Seems totally OTT to me. We had a family party with cake and champagne at home. It was lovely - just GPs, aunties, uncles and cousins. But I don't see why it annoys you unless you are envious - which is a bit mean.

[pigletmania]

Hey dont worry, these parents who are doing these big parties for their BABIES are doing it really for themselves imo, babies dont know they are not aware of what is going to. A list WTF is your BIL on, how rude, cheeky and pretentious. I would just get something of my choice and throw the dame list in the bin. With our dd first birthday, we had a small celebration at home with us, her grandparents and god parents, party food and thats it really. She has a cold and was not happy anyway.

[Lizzylou]

You are obviously letting your feelings towards them cloud your judgement, which is understandable, with families there is always unresolved "stuff".
Just see it for what it is, a bit ostentatious but all very PFB and nothing to get your knickers in a twist about.

[Jude68]

I was not bitter towards my SIL at all. I was hurt by the lack of interest they both displayed in the birth of my 2nd child. I don't think that was so unreasonable. I agree the birthday party thing is neither here nor there and it was up to us to do more for our own DC's first birthday. I blame DP for that. He has said we can have a proper party for DD1's birthday (3rd) in January so fair enough. By proper I mean maybe a little friends over who live locally plus family members or a local soft play centre.

[UniS]

your being pathetic. Its not about "showing how much you love them" , you and your BiL just chose to do different things to mark a 1st birthday, bet you don't have matching bedrooms either.
gift list? some families do like to give people ideas of things their child will like/ need to avoid duplication or unwanted items.

FWIW boys 1st birthday we had a tea party with one set of GPs and a list of desired presents was available to enquirers (all of DHs side of family and half of mine).

[Jude68]

Would no one expect a card from their baby's uncle and aunty? You wouldn't be a bit hurt if they took weeks and weeks to visit despite requests to come over? Ok, I'm being stupid and precious. It doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things I suppose.