To be pissed off at the fuss brother in law and life are making for their kid's 1st birthday?

[Jude68]

Their 1st dc and our 2nd dc's were born only two month's apart. When DD2 had her 1st birthday at the end of August my partner didn't want to take a precious day's leave from work for her birthday as he said "she's only 1, she won't care anyway." All we did was get her a cake, sing happy birthday and helped her open her presents in the evening when the grandparents (one set anyway) were there. They live with us anyway so it's not like they had to make the effort to come over.
DP's brother saw him at work and said should he give DP her present or bring it over the following Sunday when they were coming over for lunch anyway...nothing to do with celebrating DC's birthday.
Now for their DC's upcoming big day they are planning a big family outing to a farm (shit choice) and have published a list, like a wedding list where people can choose what to get their daughter from.
Now it's up to them I suppose how they choose to celebrate but it's making me feel pissed off with DP, guilty with myself and sad for DC2 that we didn't make a fuss.
Am I being pathetic? What did you do for 1st birthdays? I know the baby doesn't care but it's showing everyone else how much you love them isn't it?

[freename]

Can't remember if there was a written gift list but I remember being given 'ideas' of what I should get. I said ok and got the books I was going to get anyway. There were speeches and we had to watch a laptop slideshow of how much precious had changed over the course of his first year. Oh and sign a guest book. I could feel people rolling their eyes and wanting to vomit. It was SO NOT about the child and SO about them.
To be fair they are the first people ever to reproduce.
Understand you feel guilty about not doing more but there are so MANY more birthdays coming that they will remember and have preferences about. Indulge them then when it will actually mean something to them. Let go of the BIL/SIL thing. So not worth it.

[Jude68]

Ok, that was mean. Their kid isn't that bad looking...she just looks like her parents.

[StableButDeluded]

No, it's not about showing other people how much you love your child. You do that every day by being a good mum. It's about marking the first year of their life and yours as a family, and just having a bit of happy time together. You do what makes YOU happy as a family for a birthday, not what you think others want to see.

I can see that when two birthdays are so close it's almost impossible not to do a bit of comparing. Human nature, I suppose.
I think what you did for your DD was absolutely fine. And what you BIL is doing for his child is fine too.

Ok, I can see ideally you would have preferred your DP to have had the day off so it wasn't all a 'tired and at the end of the day-type thing'. But that's a seperate issue to what your BIL is doing for his child's birthday.

Try not to let it bother you too much, and next year agree with your DP if you can to spend the day together doing something as a family.

[StableButDeluded]

Oh I forgot to say YA a bit U, but I can sort of see where you're coming from. IYSWIM.

[Lizzylou]

OK Jude, now you're just being bitchy.
Slagging off their house and their daughter's level of prettiness just makes you sound shallow and a bit twisted.

Get over it and enjoy your DC.

[Lizzylou]

Sorry, you realised it was mean, had a Ben 10 emergency whilst in midst of posting.

[ErnestTheBavarian]

bloody hell, more than mean

I feel sorry for your in laws. You sound so unbelievably spiteful

[CaresMildly]

LOL at the Ben 10 emergency!

Jude - chill and enjoy, this is stressing you way more than is necessary. This girl is your niece and your DD's cousin, try to be happy for her sake.

[MarshaBrady]

Afterall, all the parties in the world doesn't alter the fact that my DD is far, far prettier....and everyone (bar BIL/SIL) know it.

I know you corrected it after. But you do think this don't you. I probably would just avoid you if I were them.

I couldn't be bothered with such petty drivel.

[simplesusan]

The thing that would annoy me is the present list.
What in the hell is going on here how rude!!!!

Since when did a 1 year old kid get a bloody gift list!!

I cannot abide being told what to buy, the expectation that people will get a present is very greedy and is part of the problem with rampant materialism imho.

I have no problem if I actually ask someone what kind of thing would your little one like for a gift but to ask is different.

Re the party that wouldn't bother me each to their own.

[Stigaloid]

You sound horrendous. I'm surprised you are even invited to the party with that attitude. Calling them twats. Saying you resent them at every corner and slagging off the looks of their child. What a horrible aunty.

[Jude68]

They are twats and their kid is (ahem) interesting looking but I tend to agree that I am pretty horendous. They're probably all better off with me not there. TBH I can think of a million things I'd rather be doing than mooching round a kiddies farm in the freezing cold and indulging these two and their miserable faced kid. Families eh?

[Stigaloid]

words fail me.

[MovingOutOfBlighty]

I thought your posts were strange and twisted at first but slagging off their 'Lego sized house' and making awful spiteful comments on how pretty their dd is just makes me think if you had been my SIL the visit to see you after your baby was born would still have not happened.

Your poor BIL and SIL, your poor DH (as I am sure he is delighted you are so spiteful about them) and your poor DCs. Are they really going to spend the rest of their lives being poisoned against their cousins?

I can't believe your DH was meant to take a day off work! Surely having the birtheday on a weekend would be ok.
And quite frankly, compared to the hoopla of my dd being born, the second child is like a damp squib for everyone. That is just the way it is.

[Sassybeast]

YABU and your comment about their child says that you a spiteful, jealous cow. Am sure the party will be much better without your surly face.

[elmofan]

it is their first child so let them enjoy making a big fuss over her ,
as for your comment " miserable faced kid"
you seem ,

[MovingOutOfBlighty]

Ah - a troll. Will stop getting wound up.

[freename]

Look you're going to be connected forever. Try and find a way to rise above whatever it is about them that brings this out in you. You're in danger of comparing every birthday and ruining it for everyone including your own LOs. You're in a state now but you might be able to tolerate the farm come November. Don't drive yourself insane.

[simplesusan]

Blimey Jude!!!!

We can't all look like Cheryl Cole!!!!

[newspaperdelivery]

Moving - I wondered when the real insults came. How if it is. Or if it isn't. Either way.

[MovingOutOfBlighty]

Too true newspaper. Kind of hope she/he is at troll otherwise I get a bit frightened for her nieces.