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AIBU?

To be pissed off at the fuss brother in law and life are making for their kid's 1st birthday?

314 replies

Jude68 · 01/10/2009 21:31

Their 1st dc and our 2nd dc's were born only two month's apart. When DD2 had her 1st birthday at the end of August my partner didn't want to take a precious day's leave from work for her birthday as he said "she's only 1, she won't care anyway." All we did was get her a cake, sing happy birthday and helped her open her presents in the evening when the grandparents (one set anyway) were there. They live with us anyway so it's not like they had to make the effort to come over.
DP's brother saw him at work and said should he give DP her present or bring it over the following Sunday when they were coming over for lunch anyway...nothing to do with celebrating DC's birthday.
Now for their DC's upcoming big day they are planning a big family outing to a farm (shit choice) and have published a list, like a wedding list where people can choose what to get their daughter from.
Now it's up to them I suppose how they choose to celebrate but it's making me feel pissed off with DP, guilty with myself and sad for DC2 that we didn't make a fuss.
Am I being pathetic? What did you do for 1st birthdays? I know the baby doesn't care but it's showing everyone else how much you love them isn't it?

OP posts:

Report

Jude68 · 02/10/2009 20:20

Is there a "mental" people forum I might be better posting on? You know where people don't say you can't have been that young when you had your kid cos you're 40 now or "could you not bear your kid cos he was a boy?"

OP posts:

OrmIrian · 02/10/2009 20:21

Aw bugger jude! I was all ready to label you as one of hte bad guys. Now I feel sorry for you .

I think that DH needs to keep his opinions to himself. This is your head not his. Go to the GP and see what he suggests.

OrmIrian · 02/10/2009 20:21

COme ot the Mental Health board. There are loads of us nutters there.

scottishmummy · 02/10/2009 20:22

no mentalist forum but stick about for cheeky bastard forums (im on those all the time)

StableButDeluded · 02/10/2009 20:25

There is a Mental Health forum yes, Jude. But honestly, if you just tell people how you really feel, people here are very supportive....and they still will be, despite all that's been said.

See, if what you're saying about being depressed is true, then it explains an awful lot about why you posted some of your more...er..antagonistic things. People won't hold tha against you

scottishmummy · 02/10/2009 20:26

do go back to gp.AD are a valid treatment.if you had cardiac problems you'd take beta blockers.all this chin up and no tablets isnt necessary

if you have depression try AD.there are different types avail.might just be the lift you need

VicarInaBooTu · 02/10/2009 21:10

depression doesnt just go away or cure itself - it can be a very physical chemical inbalance which needs treatment - so your DP is totally wrong in what he is saying and its not particularly helpful to say that when he isnt suffering from it - you are.

im sure if you were to see your GP you could be feeling heaps better in a matter of weeks. please do go and talk to a sympathetic doctor. they arnt intended just to numb the pain - they can lift your mood enough for you to deal with the other stuff. christ on a bike - how much of a clue does your DP need that your bloody depressed? forgive me for saying but your DP isnt helping. go to doctor love. just do it.

Jude68 · 02/10/2009 21:40

DP bought me some Kalms and some Nytol last weekend and we've both laid off the booze in the week but I don't think they're working. Promised him I'd see if sleeping better helped lift my mood. I'm not sleeping any better and I'm feeling just as bad, if not worse. Yes, I think I'm going to have to see the GP.
Right, might take a glimpse into the Mental Health forum. I might be back once I've sorted myself out.
Thank you to the people who've been understanding and to the rest of you, hope you never feel as shit as I do right now.

OP posts:

Remotew · 02/10/2009 21:52

Jude, had a lurk on this thread today and in my opinion YANBU to object to the DD's first birthday list for presents. If they all cost 30 quid plus that is ridiculous. However, I know that this had moved on there are other issues.

I haven't had time to read through it all but in a way I admire you for being brutally open in expressing your feelings on an anonymous formum. I couldn't do it but know lots that do and upset other anon people in the meantime.

I don't think you are mentally ill.

MarshaBrady · 02/10/2009 21:58

Jude you do deserve lots of support, forget the rest of the stuff. Hope things get a bit better.

lovechoc · 02/10/2009 21:59

ach don't be daft! honestly, what is a one year old going to remember of their birthday celebrations? to make you feel better, we did exactly the same as yourself. We didn't do balloons or banners. We had close family over with a birthday cake, a few photos were taken and that was it! Honestly, what a fuss people make. Fair enough when they actually understand what a 'birthday' means, but to go OTT...each to their own, I suppose.

MmeGoblindt · 02/10/2009 22:01

This is one if the weirdest threads ever.

Jude
I am very sorry that you are in such a bad state at the moment. Please go back to your GP and talk to him about your depression and seek help and advice here on MN. I am sure that you will find the support you need.

Maybe you should ask for this thread to be deleted? I don't think we are seeing the real Jude here.

VicarInaBooTu · 02/10/2009 22:08

no i dont think it should be deleted - but i think jude was hitting out because she was hurt and being attacked, im not saying it was right but i can understand it. i really dont think its ever right to judge someone as a person from a snippet on here anyway. this isnt her as a person - its a thought she had - a moment in time. it will get forgotten and no one should bear her any malice because i think it was tit for tat - she was being attacked so she hit back and sounds at a very low ebb to me. maybe people should try and be a bit more understanding and not decide what someone is like as a person from a couple of threads on a forum?

scottishmummy · 02/10/2009 22:22

revelation by stealth means whole picture not apparent until final post

so not fair to blast others for posting based on what they see,at snapshot in time

Jude68 · 02/10/2009 22:26

Thanks guys. I have asked for the worst of my posts to be deleted..and they have. Yes, I've gone over the top (again) because I'm very low and fucked off and this seemed a "safe" place to vent my spleen. I feel a bit paranoid and weird now. Especially as someone said they know me in RL.
Tomorrow's another day though, right?

OP posts:

scottishmummy · 02/10/2009 22:27

yes live to post again,dont sweat it jude

ScaryFucker · 02/10/2009 22:29

jude, you sound like bloody hard work and that you have problems that will not be solved by "venting your spleen" on MN

however, whoever tried to shit you up by saying they knew you in RL is out of order

winnybella · 02/10/2009 22:30

Hmmmm....
I'm not convinced about this change of attitude... First she's really nasty and when people's interest starts to wane, it's all contrition and how depressed she is...
But if I'm wrong, it's to GP off you go Jude.
You need help and there's no reason to be miserable if you can sort it out with ADs or therapy.

RealityBites · 02/10/2009 22:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

scottishmummy · 02/10/2009 22:34

making the anonymous impersonal post personal is crossing the line

jude,live to post another day.we all make tits of ourselves on mn. i do

VicarInaBooTu · 02/10/2009 22:34

Scottishmummy - i got the feeling there was more to this quite early on - so i stayed off it.
i realise people were reacting to what was being said but jude seemed to be almost goading people to hit out....it made uncomfortable reading that people were just blindly attacking

jude - tomorrow is another day. so use it to make that doctors appointment. id bet that no one really knows who you are in RL, it was just someone trying to make you take stock of what you were saying.
dont worry about it. forums can be weird places sometimes. best not to post if your feeling a bit insecure!

VicarInaBooTu · 02/10/2009 22:36

oh and id name change and keep your photos off the forum.

good luck for the future.

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scottishmummy · 02/10/2009 22:38

if you arer referring to her and pack mentality.yes hate that too

BUT in fast moving site posters cannot be expected to guess or read every nuance or guess psychiatric state

post on anonymous site at your peril

Jude68 · 02/10/2009 22:39

I haven't have a change of attitude at all. I know I'm bitchy, spiteful and horrible..on here more so than in RL because I don't have the balls in the real world.
What I have been trying to explain for the last few posts is why I do it. Attention? Yes, definately. Boredom? Yes again. Misery and fustration with my life? For sure.
I'm leaving it here now. Am going to book that appointment with the GP because my dd is starting to pick up on the fact I'm always fucking grumpy and miserable which makes me feel even lower.
Thank you and goodnight.

OP posts:

scottishmummy · 02/10/2009 22:44

jude a wee word mn folk can accomodate human condition

just give them chance to.requires a leap of faith from you - post as it is,acknowledge your prickly defence mechanisms to posters. we all have em

however don't expect people to wade through prickly obtuse stuff to get to the point

Flip

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