To be pissed off at the fuss brother in law and life are making for their kid's 1st birthday?

[Jude68]

Their 1st dc and our 2nd dc's were born only two month's apart. When DD2 had her 1st birthday at the end of August my partner didn't want to take a precious day's leave from work for her birthday as he said "she's only 1, she won't care anyway." All we did was get her a cake, sing happy birthday and helped her open her presents in the evening when the grandparents (one set anyway) were there. They live with us anyway so it's not like they had to make the effort to come over.
DP's brother saw him at work and said should he give DP her present or bring it over the following Sunday when they were coming over for lunch anyway...nothing to do with celebrating DC's birthday.
Now for their DC's upcoming big day they are planning a big family outing to a farm (shit choice) and have published a list, like a wedding list where people can choose what to get their daughter from.
Now it's up to them I suppose how they choose to celebrate but it's making me feel pissed off with DP, guilty with myself and sad for DC2 that we didn't make a fuss.
Am I being pathetic? What did you do for 1st birthdays? I know the baby doesn't care but it's showing everyone else how much you love them isn't it?

x posts, jude

type 'em

...just don't say 'em!

so is this all a big joke then jude ?

I've got another child who doesn't live with me.

No, the bare bones of the story are true but it's been embelished with nastiness and uncalled for insults to certain parties.

don't forget the two boring stepsons.

I have another child. A girl. I had her when I was very, very young. I couldn't/wouldn't cope. She lives full time with her grandparents.

I am a bit puzzled about the OP.

I hope it is not a case of the OP showing signs of competitive parenting with a one year old after the event.

Why don't you just let them do their thing and you do your own thing?

You don't need to go to a party if you don't want to, especially if you think their choice is shit .

If they want to throw a party then good luck to them and I hope if they invite their family for support then people do genuinely want to go... and good luck to you for any celebrations you might throw in the future.

IMO life is just to short for you to worry about this.

Sigh...yes, there's the two poor little fuckers my partner has. Let's not forget them.

Slime - you invited me to another thread when we were on the swearing thread but I can't find it, heeellppppp.

Jude - swinging between feeling sorry for you (as if you're a troll you're obviously very sad and if you're real you're even sadder) and feeling sorry for everyone you come into contact with. You have ishooos.

"the two poor little fuckers my partner has"

Jesus.

I am so confused with all of this.

She's 17. I felt very young when I had her. Too young (or selfish) to cope. I'm sure you've already made your mind up.

jude - I think you sound quite depressed. I'm sorry.

i think you are pissed of becuase your dp didn't make as much fuss of your dc's birthday as you would have liked.

I'm pissed off that we BOTH didn't make the correct amount of fuss. As I said previously, my mother never gave me a birthday party and to this day I hate being the centre of attention because (I believe) I never got used to it as a child. One job I had was in an open plan office and when I left the boss descended on me with a huge card and gift and there was about 30 people standing round my desk. I ran off and hid in the bogs cos I couldn't cope. I reckon I could never get married for the same reasons. Bottrom line is I am not sure I know HOW to do celebrations. I feel guilty and already a (lot) anxious that I will pass this on to my kids....and they'll end up weirdo loser freaks...ha ha like their ma!

Right, it all becomes clearer. I think.

rightho dust yourself down jude.stop putting boot in yourself.you have had a pasting

live to post another day.no mn grudges or gripes

and i recommend the honest self deprecating post and that yields helpful posts too

see you around

Jude you really do sound depressed. Being in a dark place doesn't mean you have to stay there. I truly hope you can believe you are worthy of feeling better about yourself.

Good luck.

jude - i think you do actually sound depressed and quite dispondent.

i think you are feeling angry and miserable and are just too sore to allow yourself an easy time, even on here.

your DD hasnt missed out, she wont remember her first birthday so id stop beating yourself up about that one.

you seem to be very aware of some of the problems your dealing with, so why not sit down with your partner and discuss how your feeling about it all. i think your SIL and BIL are simply being caught in the cross fire because you feel like shite and you dont even know why.

talk to your DP, or your doctor. im not going to kick you cos you sound down enough to me.

I agree the SIL/BIL are caught in the cross-fire. It's easier to direct the guilt and resentment at them. DP knows I am very depressed and cry and beg him not to go to work most days. I hate being on my own with the kids all day. I find it boring, fustrating, tedious and mostly lonely. We are in a load of debt (of our own making) and i it does not make sense for me to work until my daughter starts nursery in 3 months, if she gets a place. I spend my days mooching round the park trying to find it in me to be a "cheerful" mummy but I'm fucking it all up again. I am a pretty bitchy person and I think it goes back to me being bullied at school. I see being "bitchy" and putting people down as meaning maybe I'm one of the cool people now...I'm not. I'm a bit of a mess. DP dopesn't want me to go to the GP as he feels antidepressents just numb you out of your problems and you don't face them...which I sort of agree with. Ho hum.