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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to say my daughter can't shave her legs?

311 replies

Iwillpopthekettleon · 29/09/2009 20:30

My DD1 is fed up with her "hairy legs" to be honest I don't think they are that bad, but then what do I know?! She is 12 and certainly things are happening and her body is changing, but doesn't 12 seem awfully young to be starting down that road?

I know she could use that stinky cream stuff and she doesn't have to slice her legs to ribbons like I remember doing ( and always when I was just about to go out!) but she seems so young.

I am not ready for this yet!! Has anyone else had this come up ?!! Help!!

OP posts:
GoppingOtter · 30/09/2009 22:33

are all children bullies?

Kewcumber · 30/09/2009 22:36

no opinion on whtehr she should hold out against society's view that women should look like prepubescent girls and be hairless as thats a bit much to lay on a 12 year old. BUt if you don;t want her to lacerate her legs or use smelly cream just buy her an electirc rasor. It a fallacy that hair grows back thicker after shaving.

colditz · 30/09/2009 22:42

No, of course not, but it doesn't NEED to be all the children taking the piss to make the whole class laugh. Don't you remember high school at all?

Meglet · 30/09/2009 22:45

Even the 'nice' kids take the piss if you are hairy. It put an end to my PE at school after I had a rough time of it.

HappyInTheCity · 30/09/2009 22:47

When I first posted this, I felt that I couldn't believe we were at this point already, although I knew it would come along at some point. My reluctance I think was partly that, but also because to me it seemed so unnecessary. She certainly does not have wooly mammoths for legs more fluff, but I do see that sometimes it is important to conform and join in with something to say you do, not because there is any need. I have got her a Venus thing now, so it is up to her.

Funnily enough though she chose not to have her ears pierced because she wanted to be different plus she plays so much sport that it would have been a waste of energies taking them out all the time.

GoppingOtter -All children are not bullies - my DD and her mates are fab and really supportive of each other, long may it stay that way. But there is the element of being the same. Whenever there is a school mufti day they all wear practically identical outfits don't they? So I suppose if one thinks omigod I must shave my legs, they will all think like that.

What I do know is that it is a funny old age being 12

mummysgoingmad · 30/09/2009 22:48

she'l do it whatever you say! i'd let her do it, its either that or a running battle when she does do it...cause she will...sorry

PrettyCandles · 30/09/2009 22:51

Haven't read the thread, but I don't see why a 12yo shouldn't de-hair her legs if she wants. Lots of different sorts of razors available, she's less likely to cut herself.

Why not take her to a salon to be waxed. A far better job than shaving, lasts longer, regrowth feels nicer, and it will either be a lovely trusting girly outing with mum, or else put her off for a while.

My 6yo dd is hairy, and, despite the fact that I love her furry back, she is likely to want to de-hair very early - probably as soon as puberty hits, I expect. And I certainly won't stop her! Quite the contrary, I'm going to find out as much as I can about all the diffferent methods, even try things like electrolyis and laser, so that I can help her as much as possible.

poshsinglemum · 30/09/2009 22:53

YABU- what's wrong with shaving?
She'll feel so much better. Will save a lot of hassle too from other girls.

ajamore · 30/09/2009 23:35

Oh My God - I am so sad about this thread. Yes, I know, other children can be bitches and tease you relentlessly for being "different" but it's a shame isn't it that "different" means "normal" in this instance. I remember going into my parent's bedroom at the age of 14 thinking I was bleeding to death with a ripple of skin carved off my ankle by a bic - my Dad saying, what are you doing shaving your legs at your age.

I accept that all this happens a lot younger now. I would do anything to prevent my child from being teased and singled out for "negative" attention - but, sigh.

Teenage boys are going to think that ANY hair on a female body is grotesque. We are back in Ruskin's age when he was horrified at his own wife's body hair because he had only been used to marble statues of females.

Yes, there's no going back I know, because in most ways I agree that hairiness is a distraction at best and unsightly at worse. But I do feel an unease at the complete consensus on here that is "off with her hair" - at the age of 12. What a preoccupation to have to involve yourself in at such a young age (and we all know how much of a constant preoccupation it is once you get going with your bics, your epilady, your veet, your sugaring, your waxing etc....)

Bloody hell

jaxxyj · 01/10/2009 00:14

I think it is all a matter of balance. my daughter is 12 next week, has light fair hair on her legs and has asked half heartedly a couple of times. I will hold off as long as i can because i regret shaving my legs so early -they grew back much thicker. i do think it is simplistic to say "her body her choice", young adults need gentle guidance and support not to give in to peer pressure on a range of issues. if it was affecting her confidence i would reconsider.

nappyaddict · 01/10/2009 02:29

YABU. At 12 I would let her wax or epilate them.

nooka · 01/10/2009 04:33

This thread is hugely depressing. Removing your bodily hair is entirely a social construct. It has nothing to do with hygiene, and is a recent trend in the West (no need after all when your legs were not on show). It's bad enough that women feel it to be a compulsory part of life without little girls being pressured too.

LynetteScavo · 01/10/2009 09:46

But I've been told woman in countries where legs are always covered take great care over leg hair removal, etc. for the benefit of their husbands.

Hiar removal is a social thing, just like hair (on your head) grooming is a social thing.

Aparently, if you don't wash your hair for 6 weeks, you never need to wash it again.

crumpet · 01/10/2009 09:52

I was around 12, and think many of my peers had started shaving legs by then - and I'm 40 now, so no, probably 12 not too young. (Though I am sure will be heartbroken at another sign of my baby getting all growed up when the time comes.)

hennipenni · 01/10/2009 12:40

Haven't read all the thread but have 3 DDs, one of whom is 12. If(and she hasn't) she asked to start shaving her legs I would let her as I would like my DD to feel happy and confident with her body image. My eldest DD has been shaving her legs for about 18 months, I showed her what to do and she hasn't looked back since and I must say it was nice to share some time together talking and doing grown up things.

TAFKAtheUrbanDryad · 01/10/2009 12:49

Lynette - not true.

theagedparent · 01/10/2009 13:09

these are a good alternative to shaving or waxing.

MaMight · 01/10/2009 13:20

I was about 12 when I asked my mum if I could shave my legs. She said no. I shaved them anyway, they were my legs after all.

I think when I asked her, what I really meant was "will you please help me with this grown up thing that is new to me".

I still make face when I remember her saying no.

Kewcumber · 01/10/2009 13:54

"It's bad enough that women feel it to be a compulsory part of life without little girls being pressured too."

I agree with Nooka but its probably a bit much to expect a 12 year old to run contrary to general opinion and fly a conspicuous flag for hairy women. I struggle to do it myself (always find myself shaving for a big occasion despite not bothering in between)

PeedOffWithNits · 01/10/2009 14:01

does anyone know about what is actually legal in terms of kids and razors, after all they have to be 16 to buy them?? and they could harm themselves and you be blamed??

just wondering??

juicy12 · 01/10/2009 14:21

My mum didn't discuss "things" like shaving with me. I used to borrow my DF's Bic razors to shave my legs on the sly. My mum also never bought me sanitary towels unless I asked, so I can remember many occasions before school dying of embarrassment having to ask her to go to the local shop to buy me some "you know whats" as she called them . Resolved at a v early age to be totally up front with any DDs I might have.

Jux · 01/10/2009 14:27

My mum told me if I shaved my legs the hair would grow back black (I'm blonde). Well, I had to check didn't I? It turned out to be true so I have had to shave my legs all my life. I only did up to the knee and the hair above my knee is very light and doesn't show. I have regretted doing it for most of my life.

I have told dd and shown her the results. She does worry about her hairy legs but they are v light hairs and a blind man would be glad to see them

cocolepew · 01/10/2009 15:05

My Dd is 8 and, as I posted earlier, very hairy. Do the people who use epilators class themselves as this? I'm chimp like too, and when they first came out tried one. the pain was awful but my mum has always been able to use one. DD has hair on her face, loads on her back is very self concious about her arms, we can literally brush the hairs on them. For some reason she is hairier in the summer, the hairs actually sprout over the top of her socks. I'd be interested in an elecric razor for her.

So there's hairy and there's hairy .

KerriTJ · 01/10/2009 15:15

Please let her - i was 11 when i tried to shave my legs using the side of a pair of scissors - as iwas desoerate to stop people teasing me! needless to say i didnt remove any of the hairs - but managed to have scraped a layer of skin from my shins!
I would use an electric razor to start with to remove most of the hair and 'thin' it out xx

HappyInTheCity · 01/10/2009 16:03

Lots of suggestions that younger girls (as in 12 year olds) go and get their legs waxed, but it is often the case that salons won't have anything to do with this age group. So they must consider them too young. Interesting