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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to say my daughter can't shave her legs?

311 replies

Iwillpopthekettleon · 29/09/2009 20:30

My DD1 is fed up with her "hairy legs" to be honest I don't think they are that bad, but then what do I know?! She is 12 and certainly things are happening and her body is changing, but doesn't 12 seem awfully young to be starting down that road?

I know she could use that stinky cream stuff and she doesn't have to slice her legs to ribbons like I remember doing ( and always when I was just about to go out!) but she seems so young.

I am not ready for this yet!! Has anyone else had this come up ?!! Help!!

OP posts:
belgo · 01/10/2009 16:09

Yes get her legs waxed if you want to put her off for life! I can't imagine anything crueler. I wonder if beauty salons won't wax legs of girls this age due to children's skin being thinner and more sensitive then an adult's?

LynetteScavo · 01/10/2009 16:11

UrbanDryad - which bit's not true?

LynetteScavo · 01/10/2009 16:14

theageparent - those look perfect for girls.

NO nicks, no cuts, no pain!

belgo · 01/10/2009 16:18

Lynette - that thing about not washing your hair for six weeks and never needing to wash it again is certainly not true! There are too many pollutants and dirt in modern life.

GoppingOtter · 01/10/2009 19:29

ajamore so it is ok to perpetuate this ruskinesque line of thinking??

I have one almost 2 teenage boys

one would certainly not balk at a natural body - why would he?

i suppose if he had been consuming porn nightly he may be shocked...

he recently visited sri lanka and came back telling me how much more beautiful sri lankan girls were than here in uk

natural

ajamore · 01/10/2009 20:31

GoppingOtter - I think you are right that for Ruskin's marble statues read today's porn stars. Though even if young boys aren't consuming porn there's enough smooth-as-marble, photo-shopped women on the front of men's (and women's mags)to drive home the fact that this is the way things should be.

Seems your son has escaped this way of viewing the world though and I for one would be proud of that. Unfortunately, I think he might be in the minority judging by this thread.

GoppingOtter · 01/10/2009 20:34

thanks ajamore and i do agree with you

Ponders · 01/10/2009 20:35

I have one teenage boy & one older, & I have no idea how they feel about female body hair

SarfEasticated · 02/10/2009 08:33

Did any of you see that Channel 4 prog about teaching sex to teenagers, the boys on that were very anti body hair and anything too earthy. They liked their women Barbie like and hairless. I would imagine the prospect of a 'real' woman might be a bit much for them when they are so young, but the girls were all expected to remove any body hair they did have to conform and be attractive to the boys.

I think that as mothers we have a huge amount of power over our society if we used it. I wouldn't imagine that OP would forbid her daughter from shaving her legs to make a point, but if ALL of us made an effort to say/hint that body hair isn't repulsive we might be able to change something.

ApplesinmyPocket · 02/10/2009 08:54

"It a fallacy that hair grows back thicker after shaving. "

That is a fallacy, true, but what is true is that it grows back bristlier (the texture of the hair hasn't been changed by the shaving, it's about slicing it across a strong part of the stem and immediate regrowth) - an epilator will drag the hair out from deeper in, therefore regrowth slower and finer. More painful but I do mine once a summer and they only need a quick buzz over thereafter.

I would certainly let a DD de-hair her legs if it makes her more confident, she's too young to wave the Hairy Woman and Proud flag. I do however despair that women feel the need to remove every last hair to be attractive (and the Teenagers and Porn programme was utterly depressing) but I think it's been going on since Egyptian times... even a very dear male friend of mine who is quite the feminist can't seem to get it out of his head that 'women are soft and smooth' and that hairy bits aren't quite 'right'!

SarfEasticated · 02/10/2009 09:02

The only problem i find with epilators/waxing is ingrowing hairs. All methods are flawed IMO, even lasers only work on some hair.

MrsSchadenfreude · 02/10/2009 09:04

Juicy - my mother used to call sanitary towels "you know whats" as well! She wouldn't let me use tampons either (I bought my own) "because your husband might not think you are a virgin if you use them, and that's something he will always be able to throw back in your face." [WTF?] I was also warned against "touching yourself down there" - had to wash "down there" with a sponge, so fingers didn't actually make contact with fanjo.

It's a wonder I turned out relatively normal. [twitches]

Kewcumber · 02/10/2009 11:29

you're right apple - it looks thicker but my point was that it wsn;t really thicker so its a reasonable option for someone young who doesn;t want the pain of wasxing/epilating as if they subsequently wax/epilate their hairs will look finer on regrowing.

Whoever said their hair grew back black after shaving when they were blond before is barking! (sorry maybe a bit strong but shaving can;t change the colour of your hair).

More likely that your hair was darkening with age (as normally happens with blondes, shaving removed the older blonder hair and the newer regrowth came throguh as new darker hair).

Either that or you have discovered a new method of darkening hair and you should patent it immediately!

SleepySquirrel · 02/10/2009 22:09

Very heated debate about hair. Surely regardless of much else there is the issue of individual choice and happiness, whether that means conforming or not? I would never have considered approaching the subject with my mother, so it shows a confidence your DD has in talking to you about it. Make the choice together that you are both happy with. Life's too short.

Sludge78 · 07/11/2009 22:00

I prob began shaving my legs at 13. However, it was my arms which I received comments about and was always told never to shave (grow in worse etc). I would trim hairs back with scissors and use the body hair bleach to lighten, and still do almost 20yrs later.

My worry is my 4 year old who seems to have excessively hairy arms and legs and how long before she will become body consious of this.

mamadiva · 07/11/2009 22:09

My mum taught me how to use Immac (now Veet I think) at 9 because my hair was very dark and I used to get really embarrassed (sp?) by it, but she did'nt want me slicing my legs so Veet was the only option really.

At 11 though I started getting my legs and eyebrows waxed and that was great for my confidence although I tried getting my under arms done once... OUCH! Never again.

mamalovesmojitos · 07/11/2009 22:32

have skimmed most of thread. YANBU for all the reasons mentioned already.

on methods of hair removal, i usually shave with venus divine which is very good. but if you are more interested in waxing (which i can't afford professionally) i also use nads which is sugaring. its a tub of sticky stuff made from sugar, the best part is it needs no heating so no danger of burns. an australian woman made it for her daughter as she entered her teens. it washes off easily too - really good product.

elvislives · 07/11/2009 22:34

I am really and by this thread. I was obviously very lucky not to have had (girl) friends as a teen. I have never shaved my legs, and didn't even realise that it was considered normal to do so ( and abnormal not to) until I joined MN.

The argument that the other children will all bully a 12 yo for not shaving legs is bizarre and very sad.

jasper · 07/11/2009 23:13

elvis
I presume you are not like me, in that if I did not remove my leg hair I would resemble an ape

If I had fair light hairs on my legs I would not shave them either.

GreenFlowerTShirtAndLeggings · 07/11/2009 23:31

Oh I'd let her do it and I'd help her find the right way to go about it. Fitting in at school is so important and getting it wrong can have repercussions for life.

Maybe if someone isn't comfortable helping a dd fit in in that way they should just not be sending their child to school. I don't think you can send a child to school and ignore what a big thing it is to be different.

Fitting in in that way can be a pragmatic decision, maybe even temporary. It doesn't stop a teenage girl from learning about other points of view. I think a sympathetic parent can let a child do something to fit in even if it goes against what the parent might do if it was her.

I'd also tell her not all parents would say yes so she should be sympathetic to girls who might have hairy legs and not tease them!

mathanxiety · 07/11/2009 23:35

Please let her shave her legs. This is so small in the bigger picture of her life and your relationship you will wonder in a few years how you could ever have thought it was something worth getting all het up about. Get over yourself -- she is growing up and trying to hold her back will end up causing grief in your relationship.

If you want to stay ahead of the game, get her a nice razor and teach her to do it properly without cutting herself; do this with a smile, and let her know it's ok for her to grow up and feel good about her body, and that you are approachable and know a trick or two about personal care.

The question of makeup will be the next one to come up. I recommend getting a book for your DD like one by Bobbi Brown that my oldest DD was given.

Gillyan · 08/11/2009 19:01

Hi, I know a lot has been put on her since the OP but couldn't help but smile when I saw this.

I think I was about 11/12 first or second yr of high school and the majority of my mates shaved there legs and my mum wouldn't let me! Itw as horrid and my mates thought I was sad! I rememebr trying to pluck, yes pluck the hairs out!! I ended up going to a local pharmacy and buying a pack of those bright orange Bic razors and dry shaving my legs in my room ( for fear of getting caught in the bathroom 0 and I cut myself to ribbons!

Had to tell my mum and she was horrified and she realsied how much a silly thing like this was making me feel. So she bought me a proper Gilette Womens thingy and told em how to do it properly! She did used to say once you start shaving them it will grow back thicker and then you have to do it all the time.

i think when your that age you learn to start being a woman.

YABU I'm afraid, she might go off and buy some bloody bics like me! Taht would be worse!

Good luck!

Gillyan · 08/11/2009 19:02

Excuse all the typo's baby on knee

fernie3 · 08/11/2009 19:12

I wasnt allowed to shave my legs at 17 lol. but then again i wasnt allowed to do much (I was actually banned from watching the simpsons!). I would let her - I got bullied terribly at school for it I couldnt stand to see another child suffer this (hairy legs sticking through school tights? ew)

SardineJam · 08/11/2009 19:17

I was 12 when I first shaved my legs, and my mom wasnt impressed, but growing up in a hot country my legs were out all the time and I was really conscious as I had a lot!
I remember a girl at high school who didnt shave her legs and even though girls didnt mock her to her face, they mocked her behind her back, which I think is worse, had she found out...
On the scale of the extreme my sister is taking 7yo dn for regular leg waxing, which I think is ridiculous as she hasnt even reached puberty, but each to their own!!!

I think 12 is a perfectly acceptable age to start shaving. If you dont 'let' her, she'll probably just do it behind your back anyway

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