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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel like cancelling my ds's 4th birthday due to lack of interest

117 replies

chocolatefudgebrownie · 29/09/2009 11:39

Feel so despondent about my ds's 4th birthday in a couple of weeks. I invited 17 children and yet only 4 have confirmed as coming. He is having a big bouncy castle in a large sports hall. So I think 6 dc's (including my ds and dd) will just be too small a number to make it a proper party.

I am thinking of inviting dc's from nursery or playgroups, just to make up numbers, although he doesn't really know or play with them. My mum has already bought all the party stuff for 20 dc's and feel it is mostly going to go waste.

I really hope ds won't be upset that hardly anyone will be there for his party. He is such a social little boy and I am worried it will be a bit of a let down on the day.

OP posts:
Ponders · 29/09/2009 11:40

Do you have phone numbers for the parents? They might be planning to come but just haven't RSVPed - can you ring them to check?

squeaver · 29/09/2009 11:41

Have the others said no, or just not replied. Chase them if they haven't got back to you.

Ponders · 29/09/2009 11:42

Also, have just noticed it's not for a couple of weeks - too early to panic IME

Original poster
chocolatefudgebrownie · 29/09/2009 11:42

they have all canceled by text

OP posts:
KerryMumblesCUNT · 29/09/2009 11:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
chocolatefudgebrownie · 29/09/2009 11:43

Ponders - but who else should I invite! We have just joined a church but only know the children there a couple of weeks. Do you think they would think us odd/desperate if we ask them to bring their dc's?

OP posts:
KerryMumblesCUNT · 29/09/2009 11:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gingernutlover · 29/09/2009 11:44

"they have all cancelled by text" do you mean they originally said they would come and have changed their mind enmasse?? how rude!

Ponders · 29/09/2009 11:46

that is very odd.

Who are the kids whose parents have declined? If not from church or nursery or playgroup, where do you know them from?

Original poster
chocolatefudgebrownie · 29/09/2009 11:46

I am still waiting on a few replies, but most of his good friends aren't able to make it for various reasons.

OP posts:
Niecie · 29/09/2009 11:47

Sorry this is proving to be so stressful.

Have the other 13 your haven't heard from said whether they are coming or not? If 13 have turned you down you have time to invite a few more.

Perhaps chase the others, if you know them, face to face and see what they say.

Speaking from a personal point of view, sometimes invitations get sent out so early that I don't know what we are doing that far in advance and maybe we could go but aren't able to say straight away. Plus DS2 particularly, blows hot and cold about going to parties and I hate to commit unless I know he isn't going to chicken out or spend the whole party stuck to my side. We need several days of chatting before I know how the land lies. 2 possible reasons why you haven't heard yet.

I hope it works out in the end though. Arranging parties is a nightmare ime so I understand where you are coming from.

Oh and maybe, if there is a next time, put a date to RSVP by on the invitation. That helps concentrate the mind too!

Original poster
chocolatefudgebrownie · 29/09/2009 11:47

they are from nursery or children of my friends.

OP posts:
Ponders · 29/09/2009 11:48

Can you change the date of the party then?

Bucharest · 29/09/2009 11:48

Is there maybe something else on that day?

I'd go ahead and invite some from nursery tbh...that's where all of dd's party guests have always come from...don't know many other children not from there!

Original poster
chocolatefudgebrownie · 29/09/2009 11:49

Niece - I put an rsvp date of 30th September, giving them 2 weeks to reply. Unless they all rsvp today and tomorrow. Good point about more sensitive children, hadn't thought about that.

OP posts:
groundhogs · 29/09/2009 11:49

Oh that's so crap... blooming hell, we'd move heaven and earth to go to a kiddies party! We're new in the area and don't know anyone, so I'd personally go to the opening of an envelope! LOL! We went to one party just before school started and it was great! I got to talk to people above the age of 3 going on 4!

Can you cancel the bouncy castle, seems a bit too big for half a dozen DC...

Could you change the venue to make it a more intimate thing? Any wildlife centre/play barn or something?

Oh and see if you can't shift those extra party bits on ebay... bound to be some up against it mummy that could do with an entire party kit for at least a dozen or so LOs?

scarletlilybug · 29/09/2009 11:49

I'm sure your ds will have a lovely party whether 4 children turn up - or 24. Just don't let him see you're worried or upset about it.

Niecie · 29/09/2009 11:49

Oh sorry, nobody had replied when I started writing.

Sorry so many have said they aren't coming.

squeaver · 29/09/2009 11:50

Yes v rude.

Here's what you have to decide: what will make your ds happy? Having a party with all the hoo-ha, bouncy castle etc? In which case invite whoever you can to make up the numbers (will be a really nice way of getting to know people at the church anyway). And at 4, they don't get hurt by people not turning up, unfortunately you do.

Another thought - do those coming have siblings that you could ask to come too?

Original poster
chocolatefudgebrownie · 29/09/2009 11:51

But do I invite children from his nursery that he doesn't play with? it is a very small nursery as it is and most of his friends from last year have gone up to school, and I have no idea how to contact them! Most of the others are a fair bit younger or have only just started at the nursery in September, so relationships have not been properly formed.

OP posts:
Original poster
chocolatefudgebrownie · 29/09/2009 11:54

squeaver - I have asked the siblings - I sound like a complete desperado!

groundhogs - where do you live (anyhere near south coast)? you are welcome to come!

OP posts:
stealthsquiggle · 29/09/2009 11:54

Oh dear - I was jsut about to wade in with a 'tell me about it, people don't reply and then just turn up' but if they have most/all actually said no then i might think about scaling it down - would having it at home be an option? It would be just as mich fun for your DS, IME/O, but they would be rattling around in the hall.

I was (and am still a bit) paranoid about DD's party (same timeframe) having had only one actual reply to the invitations I took to nursery (which would bother me less if it wasn't for the fact that it was DD, and not me, who chose the invitees) but I think I now have a minimum of 7 children confirmed (of 20 invited, and the confirmations are from DC of my friends) and given that it is quite a small hall I am telling myself that is a quorum and if (as I suspect) most of the nursery invitees turn up anyway then it will be a bonus for DD.

CuntWhacker · 29/09/2009 11:54

Don't cancel. DS will enjoy it regardless. ANd less children means less chaos on the bouncy castle and no fighting over who wants a turn.

TheMightyToosh · 29/09/2009 11:56

I would definitely invite from nursery or play group - maybe he will know and play with them more often after the party!

At that age, I think it is more a case of playing alongside rather than with each other, so almost doesn't really matter who is there.

Agree with others, though, I'm sure your DS will have a great time if 6 or 20 turn up. And presumably you can keep some of the party stuff for next year?

I'm always nervous about parties - keep a brave face on and get plenty of your family round so that there are lots of adults even if not lots of kids - then the room won't feel empty.

Anyway - 6 kids on a bouncy castle = more room for everyone! Like exclusive use! They will love it!!

crumpet · 29/09/2009 11:59

Or, have the smaller number of people at home/go for a pizza for a special birthday tea (with balloons etc) and then have a birthday outign with just the family to a zoo or something?