to feel like cancelling my ds's 4th birthday due to lack of interest

[chocolatefudgebrownie]

Feel so despondent about my ds's 4th birthday in a couple of weeks. I invited 17 children and yet only 4 have confirmed as coming. He is having a big bouncy castle in a large sports hall. So I think 6 dc's (including my ds and dd) will just be too small a number to make it a proper party.

I am thinking of inviting dc's from nursery or playgroups, just to make up numbers, although he doesn't really know or play with them. My mum has already bought all the party stuff for 20 dc's and feel it is mostly going to go waste.

I really hope ds won't be upset that hardly anyone will be there for his party. He is such a social little boy and I am worried it will be a bit of a let down on the day.

Oh, and if he doesn't get invited to the ones at the moment, it's not really a huge loss. He will make a new group of friends in his school class. another social circle entirely from the toddlers he knows now.

Well that's alright then. Keep the justification going.

So lovechoc, if someparty-planning mum catches up with you to find out if you are planning to go to her party or not, what will you say? Will you not then be at all embarassed by your rudeness? Or will you just tell her that frankly you won't be breathing the same air as her once your kids start school and therefore can't be arsed to be polite to her or her child.

I am completely shocked at your lack of basic manners.

If I saw that mum in the street I'd explain that I cannot make it to the party for various reasons. What's the problem??

Life's too short to worry over a party invite. And if people don't reply to the invites I send out in a few year's time for a small party I decide to organise then fair do's. I'll just assume they aren't coming and still have fun all the same.

What's to be uptight about? People get very stressed for no just cause. Keep in perspective, it's just a party. There's only several more years of it to go before they go out independently with their own friends anyway.

Oh and here's another way of looking at it. The less children that turn up = more birthday for everyone else! What's not great about that???

Why invite loads of random people you hardly know in the first place? Surely your DC will enjoy a smaller party far more anyway - the party isn't about these randoms, it's about your child.

Don't cancel the bouncy castle - too many people on a bouncy castle is not fun, and dangerous as well, so far better than half a dozen.

Georgimama I was actually thinking that myself - why invite randoms?? Is it for the photos maybe?? Staged birthday parties are never good, it's better to just have a naturally smaller number and just let whoever turns up turn up.

lovechoc my DC's birthday parties are not 'staged', neither are they 'for the photos' I invite the people they want and the people I want (usually the same) or in the case of a small class like DS's, the whole class since it would be devisive to do otherwise (unless you are doing something with just 2 or 3).

People with the attitude that you appear have become very rapidly deeply unpopular and are either invited not at all or with gritted teeth because I am reluctant to punish the children for having abominably rude parents, since that is clearly not their fault. I feel for your DC if that attitude persists into school or even pre-school.

So if you don't want to invite all the class to a birthday party that's very expensive (let's face it, a meal per child isn't going to be cheap) then you're suddenly frowned upon? that's a lovely attitude too then isn't it

I would personally be doing something with just two or three children because for cost reasons it makes sense and also for the fact that another poster says it's easier to manage a smaller number of children at a birthday party. So I choose my reasoning on a practical basis, not from an emotional point of view.

Everyone is different, not everyone will have big birthday parties for their children each year as they grow up through school, and invite every single child in the class. Good for you that you can afford it, but others like myself are put in an awkward situation and choose not to do that style of party.

And I was not making out that the OP 'stages' a party personally, I was getting the point across that many parents feel they have to invite at least 20 or it's not a 'real' party. Which is complete twaddle.

No, that is not what I said at all, had you chosen to actually read it.

Special treats with a handful of children are lovely and what some children (and/or parents) prefer - quite common at DS's school. What I don't feel comfortable with is inviting, say, 15 children out of 20. That is mean and devisive IMHO.

Neither do I expect any 'whole class' parties to continue throughout school. DS will have one this year for his 7th birthday, and I would expect the next 'big' party to be his 18th, TBH.

Lovechoc please learn some manners. If only for the sake of your dc.

We actually had only 8 of DS's nursery friends turn up of a class of 14 but as his 3 best friends came he could not have cared less.
7 siblings also came (some of whom I didn't expect!) it certainly seemed like a LOT of children...particularly as we had a bouncy castle in our back garden. Personally I hate huge parties of 30 plus kids and soft play parties are my particular bete noir.
I would go ahead and enjoy! Sounds lovely and relaxed. We also had drinks and nibbles (nothing fancy) for the grown-ups as we have a large family many of whom don't have children-I think the parents had a really nice, relaxed time and the kids, of course, had a blast.

The OP actually talked about inviting less well known children in order to "make up numbers". People do do this, stealthsquiggle. I don't think lovechoc was actually addressing you.

But inviting less well known children (for example, the ones your DC has just moved into a class with) is not neccesarily 'random'. DS had a party 4 weeks after starting at a new school where he knew no-one and I knew no parents (we had just moved). I invited all 14 of his class and they all came and it was a brilliant way of fast-tracking the 'getting to know people' process.

Sigh. I was addressing the OP's point which was that she was considering inviting some random children at nursery that her child doesn't even play with.

These parties with huge extended invitee lists are always more about the parents and their need to be Queen Bee than the wishes of the child. Why do you want to "fast track the getting to know you process"? Leave your children alone to find their own friends! No child wants to be friends with the children their parents choose for them.

Oh FGS. OK, because I enjoy giving children's parties I am clearly a queen bee and it is all about me .

I knew no-one. DS knew his classmates. I wanted to know their parents. I am a WOHM so was rarely at pickups. It worked well for us. My children are left to find their own friends. I entirely respect other people's decisions about big/small/nonexistent

People who can't be bothered to reply to invitations (which takes 30 seconds and need not cost you anything if you do it verbally or via a note) are rude and annoying and doing their children no favours. That was (at least part of) the thrust of the OP.

Well, yes, clearly you are. Why do you want to know his friends' parents? Why is this important? I don't understand it.

Nice hijack of a thread by the way - as I said, I was responding to the OP.

I am walking away.

Good luck with the party, chocolatefudgebrownie. I am sure your DS will have a wonderful time however many guests you end up with.

I meant to suggest walking away a bit ago, squealth.

(I know where you're coming from )

squealth????

portmanteau there

OP, Bless you! I'm North Hampshire, Basingstoke Area, is that close-ish?

Lovechoc, you're just bloody inconsiderate. You're too mean to even text someone to say whether or not your child can come

You say it's because you're saving money, but you'll happily let the person planning the party waste their money buying party bags etc for your child who isn't coming!

And that's just crap saying you'd have to buy a present. Most parents wouldn't give a stuff whether you brought a present, and the birthday child won't even notice. I couldn't have cared less whether people brought a present or not, I jusr wanted my son to have the friends he wanted at his party.

I've just done my first birthday party, not because I wanted to, but because my DS asked for a party with a bouncy castle, because that's the only type of parties he's been to, so he thinks that's what birthday parties are. He's 4, and he really, really wanted all his little friends from school to come, hence we invited quite a lot. That doesn't mean we have money to chuck around.

fifteen people didn't even bother to say whether they were coming or not, so i had to buy party bags for people that might not be there, stuff for the party bags, paper plates, food etc. I would have liked to not spend that extra money. It's all very well to say 'assume they're not coming' but if people do turn up and you've got no plate, seat or party bag for the child, it's the poor child that loses out, not the bloody rude parent!

I am disabled, I organised all the food myself since no-one but DH to help, and if those 15 people had bothered to tell me what they were doing, it would have made things a little easier for me.

I'm glad you're so certain that when your child is in a 'completely different social circle' at school, you'll be happily doing small parties & you'll just assume people are not coming if they don't reply. Wait till your five year old is desperate to invite everyone in the class, and half of them have parents who have your attitude.

Are you really going to stand at the door and say to the children who have rude, lazy, inconsiderate parents like you 'I'm sorry, I don't have any food, or a seat at the party table, or a party bag for you because your mum/dad/whoever didn't bother to tell me they were coming'

Learn some manners woman. For your child's sake, if nothing else.

Sorry, bit of a rant there, but I think it's so rude not to reply to any type of invitation.

My dd is only 2.6 years but it sounds as though parents get so stressed over these parties when there is no need to, its meant to be enjoyable. I think that when the time comes i will just ask my dc who her best friends are (about 5-7 kids) and just have a toned down party similar to how we used to do. I really do not feel like inviting all her class to her party nor would i expect her to be invited by all her class. Dont worry if they have turned you down, i personally think you are trying far to hard and should just relax and enjoy your ds birthday. I think imo the less kids the better.