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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to feel like cancelling my ds's 4th birthday due to lack of interest

117 replies

chocolatefudgebrownie · 29/09/2009 11:39

Feel so despondent about my ds's 4th birthday in a couple of weeks. I invited 17 children and yet only 4 have confirmed as coming. He is having a big bouncy castle in a large sports hall. So I think 6 dc's (including my ds and dd) will just be too small a number to make it a proper party.

I am thinking of inviting dc's from nursery or playgroups, just to make up numbers, although he doesn't really know or play with them. My mum has already bought all the party stuff for 20 dc's and feel it is mostly going to go waste.

I really hope ds won't be upset that hardly anyone will be there for his party. He is such a social little boy and I am worried it will be a bit of a let down on the day.

OP posts:

nappyaddict · 30/09/2009 01:09

lovechoc If you can't go to the party you don't have to give the child a present just because you reply. Where on earth did you get that idea?!!

You also don't have to explain why you can't go. You just say "Sorry DS is unable to come to your party. I hope your DC has a great time though."

Not being able to buy expensive presents shouldn't stop you from taking your DS to parties. I would not like to turn up completely empty handed but you can pick up books and crafty stuff for £1 in places like home bargains and bargain madness. You can wrap them up in paper and get your child to decorate it instead of buying wrapping paper - ditto the card.

pigletmania · 30/09/2009 01:09

Reading the posts right now i would rather not be caught in these silly school gate politics. I send my dd to school to learn, if she makes friends thats good and gets invited to parties if not well not to worry these plenty of time to. I was never very popular at school, strange kid with funny hairdo and bad CONTAGIOS Eczema, but in adulthood i have made lots of nice friends who i see when i can.

When organising a party i will have dcs close friends only as too many children will be too much and for me to cope with as well.

StableButDeluded · 30/09/2009 01:17

"it sounds as though parents get so stressed over these parties when there is no need to, its meant to be enjoyable"

Parents. Get. Stressed. When. People. Don't. Reply!

It is stressful when people don't reply for all the reasons already pointed out.

florence2511 · 30/09/2009 05:29

I also think it's rude for people not to reply on receiving an invitation.

But I think lovechoc might be winding us all up and having a laugh. I just can't accept her reasoning - it's laughable really.

To be honest, if i were organising a childs party I would NOT make up party bags for those children whose parents didn't reply as I would assume they weren't coming. I know it isn't fair on the child if they did turn up, but it might humiliate the parent a little bit. Some people just aren't able to waste money in the current economic climate.

pigletmania · 30/09/2009 08:36

stablebutdeluded I know being a parent is stressful i am a mum myself though only to a lo but a mum none the less. I have been reading how stressed parents can get over kids parties. Of course it is really rude not to reply and i would alwys phone the parent up to tell them either that my dc can come or not come not just not say anthing at all. I guess that i am comparing things to my day in the 80's where a party would be a smallish affair with pass the parcel, musical chairs, a cake some sandwiches and a bit of jelly, kids enjoyed it then and they probably would enjoy it now. I feel that there is all this pressure to compete with others of who can have the biggest and better party and who can have the most people there and loose perspective.

FimbleHobbs · 30/09/2009 09:00

I can't believe your attitude lovechoc, in fact I think you are just trying to wind people up. But if you are being honest, I can't imagine you will continue getting many invitations to not bother to respond to anyway. If you're too mean to text or call, what about writing a note? That barely costs anything.

pigletmania even the party you describe needs planning (we just didn't notice when we were kids!) - eg if you don't know if 10 are coming or 20, how many layers of pass the parcel do you do?

Every year I arrange a 3 day residential conference for 300 adults swiftly followed by a 2 hour party for a dozen littlies... guess whis is harder?

pigletmania · 30/09/2009 09:36

I know Fimble, i organised a little party for my dd for dcs at her mums and tots group, we had about 6 kids and mums and yes you still have to know numbers for party bags, food etc, not saying that parties dont need organising of course they do whether its 3 or 33. Its just that some mums turn into Partyzillas (rather like the Bridezillas), i hope that i am never one lol

lovechoc · 30/09/2009 10:53

Georgimama you have it in one, your posts are making lots of sense. It is sounding like the parents are really trying to rule the roost rather than letting the kids enjoy a relaxed atmosphere...

If that's party planning for a child, I'd rather just take mine out to the cinema and for a lovely picnic with close family!

lovechoc · 30/09/2009 10:58

StableButDeluded if there's no party food left I'd offer what other food I had left in the house, and improvise (great skill to have when you don't have much money!). That way any children that did turn up would be able to join in.

Parties don't have to be picture perfect and idyllic, it's about having fun even if that means making up some tuna mayo sandwiches for the stragglers coming in at the last gasp.

Chill out folks, it's only a wee birthday party!

Tinfoil · 30/09/2009 12:18

Georgimama, what's wrong with reaching out and including people who aren't in your immediate circle?

Georgimama · 30/09/2009 20:38

Nothing. But if anyone else has bothered to read the OP's posts, rather than getting sidetracked by the terrible crime of lovechoc not always bothering to text to let people know or not, the OP quite clearly said that she was considering inviting children neither she nor DC knew just for the sake of making up numbers.

I just don't see any point at all in making up numbers for the sake of it. Is my view really that strange?

lovechoc · 30/09/2009 20:42

No Georgimama your view is not strange, you actually talk plenty sense. It's ashame all the sheeple on this thread can't see it for worrying over people responding to party invites...

Georgimama · 30/09/2009 20:48

Good. So glad.

And I have to say, if lovechoc you are the frequent recipient of random make-up-numbers invites to parties of children your DC barely know, I'm not that surprised that you don't always bother to respond. They don't really want your DC there, you don't really want to go. Fair enough.

lovechoc · 30/09/2009 20:55

Yes, something like that. Fair-weathered friendship of other mums is not really something I dig. It's very fake and put-on and very obvious when attending a party and you're just there to 'make up the numbers'. Lovely.

I have close friends and those are the ones with children who DS will always see at parties, or they'll be invited to parties we host. Small and exclusive, good in so many ways!

Hulababy · 30/09/2009 21:09

I am one of the people who has larger parties. Why? Well, because DD enjoys them and has plenty of friends she wishes to invite! There are 14 in her class, so it is the nrm to do awhole class parties. For DD's benefit we chose a weekend where most people are likely to be around. We then invite her non-school based friends, her niece, and a couple of close family friend's childrens. All children who are important to DD and who she loves and wants at her party.

It is not about me at all. It is entirely about DD and what she wants for her party.

And I can see what people mean by inviting people they don't know much, esp at start of a new school, etc. As parents we went to most of the parties in the first term of reception, as did most parents. It was a fantastic way to get to know the other parents and to make some connectins with them. Has definitely been beneficial in the following three years to date.

Indaba · 01/10/2009 13:21

I wouldn't extend. Loads will rock up who haven't responded and to be far, your boy probably won't notice how many people come/don't come unless you point it to him. I now put on invite something like...."please RSVP so I can do party packs and no RSVP means no party pack".....EVERYONE responds now as they don't want their DS or DD going home without. It works!

Original poster

chocolatefudgebrownie · 04/10/2009 21:35

Just updating, sorry haven't read whole thread properly saw it's kicked off a bit! How did that happen!

Anyway I asked a couple of lovely little boys from the church and they have agreed to come. So now we have 8 people coming, which I think will be an ok number for a bouncy castle party. Enough to make it feel like a party. IYSWIM.

OP posts:

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