Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel like cancelling my ds's 4th birthday due to lack of interest

117 replies

chocolatefudgebrownie · 29/09/2009 11:39

Feel so despondent about my ds's 4th birthday in a couple of weeks. I invited 17 children and yet only 4 have confirmed as coming. He is having a big bouncy castle in a large sports hall. So I think 6 dc's (including my ds and dd) will just be too small a number to make it a proper party.

I am thinking of inviting dc's from nursery or playgroups, just to make up numbers, although he doesn't really know or play with them. My mum has already bought all the party stuff for 20 dc's and feel it is mostly going to go waste.

I really hope ds won't be upset that hardly anyone will be there for his party. He is such a social little boy and I am worried it will be a bit of a let down on the day.

OP posts:
Original poster
chocolatefudgebrownie · 29/09/2009 12:08

Thanks for all your lovely responses. Feeling better already. All is not lost really. I just had real anxiety organising this party and worrying that very few would turn up and now it feels like it is coming true. Got to think positive from now on!

My friend having her ds 4th birthday party shared with a friend. I wished I done that! Hindsight is a wonderful thing, eh!

I think if I invited extra children that ds doesn't usually play with, he wouldn't mind. He just loves being with other children, whoever they are. Nothing like me, who is a quivering wreck when faced with people I don't know!

OP posts:
PixieOnaLeaf · 29/09/2009 12:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

scarletlilybug · 29/09/2009 12:10

I think organising a children's party is pretty stressful, all in all.

stealthsquiggle · 29/09/2009 12:11

You are certainly not alone. DD's party is on the 11th and I can guarantee that I will be waking up in a cold sweat imagining no-one turning up and/or it all being chaos and DD ending up in tears most nights between now and then.

Mutual support /slap round face needed, I think

TheMightyToosh · 29/09/2009 12:15

Also, nobody will assume you are inviting them out of desperation! They will more likely be flattered. And it will be a good opportunity for you all to meet some new people.

It is really awkward at this age. I'm hoping it will be much easier when they are at school and they can choose their own party buddies!!

Original poster
chocolatefudgebrownie · 29/09/2009 12:17

stealthsquiggle - glad I am not alone then! Thanks for the virtual slap!

OP posts:
maria1665 · 29/09/2009 12:48

Don't cancel!! 6 is a lovely number for a bouncy castle. A far better number for a party anyway. 15 and up is just crowd control. It will all be fantastic.

lovechoc · 29/09/2009 12:55

I don't think having a BIG party is any better than having a smaller party tbh. I admire people who go out their way to have big birthday parties, I personally won't be doing that. A day out at the zoo seems less stressful!

sophiaverloren · 29/09/2009 13:02

Just a reassuring note about small parties: of the 9 kids we invited to DSs 4th birthday party, only 4 came - 2 didn't reply, 2 cancelled on the day with chickenpox, 1 cancelled 2 days before with chickenpox (bad timing!)
Whilst he was sad that certain people weren't there because they were his friends, he perfectly accepted that some people couldn't make it and had a fantastic time. He has never once commented about the fact that his party was much smaller than any of his friends (at 10 kids, ours would have been a small one anyway!), he was just thrilled to have a party and have fun with his friends.

Tinfoil · 29/09/2009 13:15

Yes, invite the people at church, they may be very pleased.

Miggsie · 29/09/2009 13:19

Actually, bouncy castles are more fun with less children as there are less collisions and everyone gets a good go...rather than a scrum and the more boisterous children squishing the less assertive children...think of the savings in party bags!

I had a party and 2 people rsvp'ed the day before...luckily I had got a party bag just in case but it annoyed me as most people have bought everything by then.

Original poster
chocolatefudgebrownie · 29/09/2009 13:38

What I don't understand is, why people don't reply promptly. Except for illness or unforeseen circumstances, aren't people usually aware of whether they will be free in a months time?

I took advice from mn to put a reply date and not rsvp (as some people don't know what rsvp means and yet I still haven't heard back from a few people.

I will chase up the few stranglers and send out another invite. Fingers crossed all will be well on the day.

Can't believe how stressed out I have been, organising a few friends for a party for ds. I'm not sure I shall be doing this type of party again in a hurry.

OP posts:
nappyaddict · 29/09/2009 13:45

I would give it another week and then chase up the last stragglers. Definitely invite people from church and new people from nursery - it will be a chance to get to know their parents.

stealthsquiggle · 29/09/2009 13:45

Count yourself lucky - 2 of DD's invitations are still sitting above the invitees pegs at nursery, and I know the children in question have been in since I took them in (I checked the register ) - WTF is that about? Apart from anything else, there is no way DD would let me 'forget' an envelope that looked as though it even vaguely possibly might be for her.

It actually (IME) gets easier once they are at school - with a fixed pickup time it is far easier to chase people, and last year I gave DS a list of non-respondees and got him to tell them that if their parents didn't reply to me there would be no party bag for them - I got a sudden rush of replies that evening

FimbleHobbs · 29/09/2009 13:53

I'd invite the 'new' nursery children and the church children - DD (3) had a party this weekend and its a hard time of year to choose who to invite. She ended up with a mix of 'children she used to play with in her previous class' and 'children in the pre school class shes just moved into but doesn't know very well' and it worked really well.

We just had a small party - 9 children - and I wish I'd invited more. Purely for my benefit as some turned up a bit late and it was horrible waiting for them to arrive! DD too small to care or notice so unimportant really though.

Sounds like your DS will love his party whoever is there. Good luck

KEAWYED · 29/09/2009 14:01

I think every mum has this anxiety. DS1 birthday is on 13th August (school holidays) and I always panic like mad but people do show up.

I find a lot of the time if people didnt reply straight away they often forgot.

Invite people from the church it would be a great ice-breaker.

Children love any exscuse for a party if they know the birthday boy or not.

nappyaddict · 29/09/2009 14:06

It could be that the child is meant to be with a different parent that weekend and one parent is trying to chase the other into finding out if it is ok if they can go or not.

Also people just don't really know what they are meant to be doing that far in advance and don't like to reply til they are 100% sure they can go. Nothing more disappointing in thinking someone is coming and then they can't.

DS has had 2 parties. I always give out invitations 2 weeks before the party. 1 was at the weekend so I put the RSVP date as the Monday before the party. The other was on a Wednesday so I put the RSVP date as the
Friday before.

stealthsquiggle · 29/09/2009 14:16

Go on then nappyaddict - as the voice of reason - come up with a sane and rational explanation for leaving an invite with your child's name clearly written on it sitting above their peg for 10 days...

nappyaddict · 29/09/2009 14:22

stealthsquiggle they may not have used their pegs? I don't go near DS' peg until winter because he doesn't have a coat to put on it.

CrackersInBed · 29/09/2009 14:24

I was amazed when we did a 5th birthday party for 25 children last month that only about 15 mums bothered to reply. On the day I had absolutely no idea who would show up, and ended up with kids who had said no turning up unexpectedly, and others who had said yes not turning up. I have never been so stressed in my life.

In the end we had a total of 13 there and everyone had a blast!

My main advice is this: Think of what is the absolute worst that could happen ....? only a handful of kids show up ........ yippee then, more room to bounce and run around, more party bits to go around and your little one will not care one bit. Party - bouncy castle - presents - adults fussing over the ones who are there etc etc It sounds brilliant to me.

stealthsquiggle · 29/09/2009 14:47

You are determined to be reasonable, aren't you ?

I just know that as soon as I write some of these people off and stop catering for them in terms of party bags/ activities (a few 3yos one way or the other is no big deal for food) they will all decide to come and I will have the opposite problem .

nappyaddict · 29/09/2009 14:49

stealthsquiggle can you ask the nursery to give the invitation to the parents or ask for their phone number to tell them about it if they've forgotten to take the invites home?

lovechoc · 29/09/2009 16:01

I don't reply to invites if I have no money or any intention of going. Yes, it's rude, but it puts me in an awkward position because you then have to buy a gift for the child's birthday. Too expensive if you have to do that for several children!!

We just do a family birthday, much much much cheaper and lots of fun.

I've nothing against DS having a couple of friends over for a birthday bash when he's older, but certainly not any more than 5 kids. Sounds like far too much stress than you need IMHO.

mumto2andnomore · 29/09/2009 16:19

Like the others I would invite all the children you can think of and make the best of it.

lovechoc,if you dont want your children to go to a party please let the mum know so she can plan. If you cant afford a present it wouldnt matter to me I would hate someone not to come because of that. Or just pick up something from the pound shop, the kids dont care how much it costs (mine dont anyway )

CheerfulYank · 29/09/2009 16:35

A bouncy castle! Sweet! Can DS and I come?

6 kids is enough at this age IMO.

Swipe left for the next trending thread