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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel like cancelling my ds's 4th birthday due to lack of interest

117 replies

chocolatefudgebrownie · 29/09/2009 11:39

Feel so despondent about my ds's 4th birthday in a couple of weeks. I invited 17 children and yet only 4 have confirmed as coming. He is having a big bouncy castle in a large sports hall. So I think 6 dc's (including my ds and dd) will just be too small a number to make it a proper party.

I am thinking of inviting dc's from nursery or playgroups, just to make up numbers, although he doesn't really know or play with them. My mum has already bought all the party stuff for 20 dc's and feel it is mostly going to go waste.

I really hope ds won't be upset that hardly anyone will be there for his party. He is such a social little boy and I am worried it will be a bit of a let down on the day.

OP posts:
stealthsquiggle · 29/09/2009 17:03

lovechoc please please please on behalf of the parents of all your DCs friends, if you are not planning on going to a party for whatever reasons just reply and say so, for the sanity of the hosting parent.

Yes I can afford for my DC to have parties (and I do it because basically, under all the stressiness, I enjoy it) but that doesn't mean that I have money to spare in catering for extra children because I have no idea if a lack of reply means that they are coming or that they aren't.

NA - no way nursery will give me 'phone numbers (and neither should they) but I will ask, again, if they could possibly try and stuff the remaining invites into parents hands for me.

Original poster
chocolatefudgebrownie · 29/09/2009 17:37

Another thing that is worrying me is that we are doing traditional party games, pass the parcel, musical chairs/bumps and pin the tail on the donkey/grandmothers footsteps (my dear mum is doing that one!). If there are only 6 children I feel it is a bit pointless, but the bouncy castle may not be enough to keep them occupied for an hour. 3 of the children are under 2 so they won't want to participate in the games, I should think.

Does anyone have any great suggestions for the music system. We were going to take a cd player for the games, but the staff warned me it may not be loud enough in a sports hall and over the noise of the bouncy castle. argh!

OP posts:
stealthsquiggle · 29/09/2009 17:47

Check with the hall staff - you may be able to plug into a PA system (my DB has magically produced the required cable to do this at DS's last 2 parties - don't ask me where from or how!)

MrsGhoulofGhostbourne · 29/09/2009 17:51

Stealthsquiggle - GREAT idea about getting ds to tell the kids to get the parents to reply or there would be no party bag - genius!
I do sympathise, choc - kids parties have to be the most stressful thing ever to organise - but the children really don't notice and have a wonderful time regardless.

Blondeshavemorefun · 29/09/2009 18:46

def DONT cancel - 4yrs know what birthdays mean

least the parents have let you know they cant come

i think it is very rude when you dont get replys and then you dont know numbers/how many to cater food for/party bags etc

Hulababy · 29/09/2009 19:05

lovechoc - please do reply to say you can't make it. This really does reduce a lot of the stress for the organising mum. Part of the main worries is when peeople don't reply, and then you have to chase them up, etc.

Nothing wrong with just saying, sorry we can't make it. No card or present is required at all if you turn down an invite.

lovechoc · 29/09/2009 19:27

but surely if you never get a response you can assume that's a 'no'. It's not rocket science. If I don't get a response from a friend or relative to say they can't manage for lunch then I just assume they can't make it on a particular day and go ahead and do something else instead.

Same can be applied for birthday parties. Ds has been invited to a few 2yo(!!) birthday parties but I haven't bothered getting in touch. I have no interest in making up an excuse, or being false about it. Plus for financial reasons he can't go to every child in the area birthday party.

I wouldn't dream of going to a child's birthday party without a present for DS to hand over. I'd rather just not go, it's so much easier!

slowreadingprogress · 29/09/2009 19:27

The absolute best, most enjoyable parties we've been to are the ones with 8 or less kids. I would be very happy with 6! Far nicer than 17 three year olds running about

i think parties should be smaller and more exclusive. He will be able to actually see all the kids, play with them, etc and you'll be able to make sure they're all having a good time and really look after them. I have been to parties with DS with 30 kids there and tbh it's hell on earth. The birthday child isn't even aware who is there really!

So I say embrace it and really enjoy it and concentrate on making it a great time for them all

slowreadingprogress · 29/09/2009 19:30

btw I agree it is the height of rudeness just not to reply. How rude to just let people assume you're not coming. A text or phone call doesn't take much time and is so much kinder than just letting them realise you're not coming and really doesn't take that much in the way of social skills. If someone is kind enough to invite you it's so basic to say thanks and yes or no

lovechoc · 29/09/2009 19:32

get used to it, lots of people do it in life. they have more important priorities in their lives other than replying to party invites.

slowreadingprogress · 29/09/2009 19:34

well that rude post says it all about what kind of person doesn't bother replying. You couldn't have illustrated it better!

Blondeshavemorefun · 29/09/2009 19:38

it takes 30seconds to reply via text or a minute to call and say you cant make it

lovechoc · 29/09/2009 19:42

I'm sure I'm not the only one on MN who doesn't reply.

CloudDragon · 29/09/2009 19:51

lovechoc - but what happens is your DCs eventually stop being invited.

It hardly takes long does it.

Ponders · 29/09/2009 19:52

When my kids were small I always replied ASAP if we wouldn't be going - acceptances were a bit later.

You only have to look at how many threads there are on here from mums angsting about their kids' parties to see how important it is to reply, lovechoc - I'm stunned that you think it doesn't matter.

Don't you have parties for your kids?

Tinfoil · 29/09/2009 19:54

It's not really much effort to reply compared to the effort of organising a party.

KEAWYED · 29/09/2009 20:03

I've had many a time people not reply and turn up or your having to ask people or the worse is when they say they will come and don't turn up.

I know a few children who do that regularly and now they don't get invited.

KEAWYED · 29/09/2009 20:04

To parties in general

Acanthus · 29/09/2009 20:04

Lovechoc - you CAN'T assume that the non-replier isn't coming, because half the bloody time they show up! Just reply, FGS, you're being inconsiderate.

Hulababy · 29/09/2009 20:12

Agree with acanthus - I never assume a non replier just isn't coming, as most people I know have experiences of non repliers that do turn up.

Mind you, you;d probably not like my methid either - I chase up non repliers. I try and catch them at the school gates, or send them text and if nec I phone.

fifitot · 29/09/2009 20:13

If you've booked a play centre or something you usually have limited places so if you are hanging on waiting for some rude git who can't be arsed to reply, it causes alot of problems since you have to pay for a place that may not be used.

What a way to behave!

Heated · 29/09/2009 20:15

Yes CFB, definitely invite the children and their families from church and say you'd love them to come and get to know them better.

Lovechoc, do you really not reply, especially when they've thought well enough of your dc to invite them? They're planning to spend money on your dc by way of food/entertainment & party bags. It's the work of moments to say "Thank you for the invitation but XX won't be able to attend. Hope YY has a great birthday."

lovechoc · 29/09/2009 20:17

DS is just over 2yo so no, haven't had any parties yet for him with bouncy castles and ball pools and party clowns etc (just family celebrations). When he is old enough to know what a party is (when he's at school) then probably we'll start to take heed and get into that mode of replying to party invites.

Saving money for the next couple of years (that also includes not texting or phoning unless necessary) until then.

Lulumama · 29/09/2009 20:18

just to say, i was approached today by a mum at school. DD started reception a couple of weeks ago. apparently , she had an invitation to a party in her book bag a week ago. i'd not seen it. have no idea where it is. unless it is in DH's car, as he picks up on mondays

had i received the invite, would have RSVPd straight away!

was mortified but could not respond to what i had not received

anyway, mum was fine about it, and DD is so excited about the party

best to give the benefit of the doubt and chase people up i think

Lulumama · 29/09/2009 20:19

crikey lovechoc.. that's a bad attitude

hope the mum today did not assume that i was as 'can\t be arsed' as you !