To think that asking for CASH for a WEDDING GIFT is cheeky, not to mention....

[chocolatekimmy]

presumptious?

Don't get me wrong, we had a very charming and funny little poem in with the wedding invite about having 'a nice toaster and not needing any coasters' etc. But isn't that the case for most people anyway if they have lived together first?

It just seems a bit weird - I know vouchers are no different really but at least you know they will buy something, usually something more expensive that they wouldn't expect one person to buy alone. I don't think they are particularly hard up for cash or that they will blow it down the pub. I also don't mind them knowing how much we 'spent' - but its almost more pressure for those who may be on a tight budget anyway.

Has anyone done this or faced a similar request?

Thanks

not at all

its hopefully a day for couples to show and declare their love for each other

slushy

'I have not done a wedding list as I dont require any gifts, however if any close relatives would like to get me a gift and are unsure what to get I would suggest vouchers for virgin holidays as me and dp are unable to afford a honeymoon and are hoping to have a family holiday instead later in the year.

Very polite but I would swap done for sent, and change the I / me to us and we, and of course DP and I.

I might just put 'we have delayed our honeymoon plans' over the bit about affordability- depends really, if its close family onloy you can be more open

Sorry - yes I know about the loving and commitment stuff - its just the asking for cash that rankles!

Also not keen on this "No boxed gifts" thing I have seen before.

LOL. My ILs got one of those 'no boxed gifts' in an invite, and so she took the gift out of the box, wrapped it in tissue paper and put it in a gift bag.

PMSL!

They told DH about it, they were all confused.

He told him, 'They meant you were supposed to give them money!'

They were like, 'Huh?'

x posts - i did wonder

but whats the difference whether cash/vouchers or buying a gift?

you will still be spending the same amount

eleveld
Thanks this was one of my biggest worry you have put my mind at rest.

donotpushtheredbutton
Thanks alot I will take your advice otherwise people will be wondering if it is just me at the altar or whether dp will be making an appearance also you put the reason I will not be having a honeymoon much more delicately thanks will def use your version.

That's one worry sorted will now have to think who will be disappointed in my enormous family when bridal party is announced.

I don't mind what people ask for - although the poems make me cringe. What bugs me more is not getting a proper thankyou for the gift. These days you just seem to get a pre-printed "X & Y thank you for their wedding gift" cards which make you wonder if they have any idea at all what you gave them and no indication as to what they did with it.

When we got married most guests did do the vouchers/gift list thing others gave cash, others gave things that they had chosen or made themselves (collages particularly) and some people didn't give us anything.

We wrote a personal note to everyone to say what we had done with the money (if vouchers/cash) and to everybody why we had wanted it/what we were planning to do with it. The people who hadn't sent gifts we ignored the fact they hadn't, but thanked them for coming and explained how much we appreciated them being there to share our day.

SQueen - count yourself lucky thata you received a thank you at all - the last 3 weddings and 2 engagement parties I have been to there has been no thank you whatsoever.

Geordie - same here - 3 weddings and no thank yous. Rude and ignorant.

I agree with what wildseahorses said a bit further down:

"I can't believe the number of people on this thread who have said that they'd deliberately buy something that they knew the couple wouldn't like as "revenge" for being asked for cash/supplied with a wedding list. If you like them, why wouldn't you want to get them something they'll like? If you don't like them, why are you going to their wedding in the first place?"

I am all for giving people what they want. Not what I think they should like. So much better they make it explicit to me.

In my culture, people Only give cash. It would be truly odd to rock up with crystal. And there is a going rate how much cash to give for each person that is attending based on how much it would cost the couple per head for the dinner. It is specifically intended to reimburse the couple.

It's odd as I don't mind receiving a gift list/request for money as it makes my life easier. However when it came to my own wedding, I didn't feel comfortable asking for anything at all in the invitation.

We let our parents know that if anyone asked we'd prefer vouchers from one of the popular department stores, but I couldn't bring myself to actually ask for them in the invite - I'd never have been able to do a whole gift list - it would have felt far too presumptious.

Those poems!

We had money for our wedding recently which wes pent on our honeymoon. We felt a bit weird asking for it but at the end of the day it was our wedding, we only invited people who love us and if anyone thought it tacky or vulgar fine. I didn't consult people on the colour scheme etc because it was OUR wedding. If you don't want to give cash don't. Tiny detail in their big day.

I can't understand why people get annoyed about this! As other posters have said, surely if you are being invited to a wedding the person getting married is either a close friend or relative of you or your dh, therefore why would you not want to give them what they want? I had a small wedding list when I got married. Not to be cheeky or demanding but because it was easier for people who wished to give a gift to select something rather than have to wonder if we already had something. I think in terms of costs there were things from a fiver to £100 but most close friends and relatives just gave money anyway (unasked for) as that is pretty common where I am from. I think it is really mean to give a crap present that you know someone wouldn't want and think if that is the case then you should decline the invite anyway.

'I think it is really mean to give a crap present that you know someone wouldn't want and think if that is the case then you should decline the invite anyway.'

I think it's equally mean-spirited to assume your guests are such pillocks they're going to buy you a gift that you will hate, so instead demand money in an invitation.

I mean, just charge admission in the invite then!

I usually give cash because I am lazy and also there are next to no shops out here.

But if it's demanded then I would probably decline the invite and just send a card.

I have just skimmed this but am surprised no one has mentioned giving to charity, if they already have everything. For our wedding we asked for a tree instead of pressies and ended up with a quarter of an acre! It's lovely and we've been to visit it loads. A bit nicer than cash IMO.

I would have, Orange, but I've done so in the past and gotten flamed for it. I mean, if you say you don't need anything, then why do you need money?

I mentioned I´d rather give to a charity of the couples choice than cash.

Especially if was just going to go in their bank!

We hadn´t intended to have a list as we hadn´t lived together & needed everything.

But people kept phoning Mum for ideas, then asking her to "cross it off the list" so that it wasn´t duplicated!

YABU there's enough tat floating about, I don't see why people shouldn't just cut to the chase. They're not demanding money, it's just for those people who genuinely want to contribute something.

Expat,

It is my second wedding, but no one we know now (with the exception of my mum!) was around for my first wedding (it was years ago!) so for everyone we know, it is both of ours first wedding. I am not bothered about getting presents or not, but also I cant be bothered with 50+ people phoning me up asking what we want as a present, because (where I am from at least!) it is considered the norm to buy a gift for the wedding couple! I have never been to a wedding where presents were not bought, or any other party for that matter. Its just the done thing. But if someone chose not to, or couldnt afford a gift, I wouldnt be annoyed about it, of course having the people you care about with you on your special day is far more important than the amount of money/presents you recieve. But I do like the idea of a glass box with intials painted on it, that is such a lovely idea.