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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that asking for CASH for a WEDDING GIFT is cheeky, not to mention....

196 replies

chocolatekimmy · 20/09/2009 20:40

presumptious?

Don't get me wrong, we had a very charming and funny little poem in with the wedding invite about having 'a nice toaster and not needing any coasters' etc. But isn't that the case for most people anyway if they have lived together first?

It just seems a bit weird - I know vouchers are no different really but at least you know they will buy something, usually something more expensive that they wouldn't expect one person to buy alone. I don't think they are particularly hard up for cash or that they will blow it down the pub. I also don't mind them knowing how much we 'spent' - but its almost more pressure for those who may be on a tight budget anyway.

Has anyone done this or faced a similar request?

Thanks

OP posts:
magicwand · 21/09/2009 21:12

if its a good friend give the cash otherwise give whatever you want.

Blondeshavemorefun · 22/09/2009 11:29

doesnt bother me

cash or vouchers is easier then buying/deciding on a gift

Stephief · 22/09/2009 11:44

When I got married the first time we didnt have a wedding list or any mention of gifts. We didnt have our own home back then so household items would have been a bit pointless, but we did recieve some lovely presents, like photo frames, and ornaments, but we also recieved IOU'S from most of our guests-for buying household bits when we bought our house (which was a few months later!)It worked really well for us, and we didnt come up with the idea, the guests did!

I am getting married again soon, and since we have a home and everything in it we need, I wont have a gift list, instead I am asking for vouchers or cash, up to £10 in value. That way no one needs to feel stingey if they cant afford a lot, but many guests have said they would like to give more, so that is up to them. A friend of mine got married last year and they asked for vouchers towards their honeymoon. I would rather give someone what they want than what I think they will want, wherever possible. Makes life much simpler and saves me having to decide what to get them!

DoNotPressTheRedButton · 22/09/2009 11:54

We've had similar before and the only one (over a decade ago now) that bothered me invovled driving an hour to locate a tiny antiques to a grumpy old cow who looked at our £40 as if it were tuppence.

Usually its not a worry though but atm I would say- especially if you know your friends have been hit by the recession- it is eprhaps more politic to leave gifts slightly more open.

Our list had a choice of gifts with a note saying vouchers for X would be suitable as an alternative, seemed simplest, lists only on request- people comlpained about that LOL but I ahte seeming presumptuous

forehead · 22/09/2009 12:50

This is one of my personal bugbears. DO NOT ask for cash, its rude and makes you look like an idiot. If your guests want to give you cash ,then that's up to them ,but don't ask for cash. When i was married, i simply sent out an invitation asking guests to attend my wedding. I didn't include a wedding list let alone ask for cash because i did not expect my guests to bankroll my wedding or honeymoon.
People who include wedding lists or ask for cash have no class imo.

expatinscotland · 22/09/2009 13:58

'I am getting married again soon, and since we have a home and everything in it we need, I wont have a gift list, instead I am asking for vouchers or cash, up to £10 in value.'

For a second wedding?!

DoNotPressTheRedButton · 22/09/2009 14:11

ExP it might not be both of their second weddings? besides, I alwys like to give something as a gift at any wedding- I think the idea of a £10 max limiot shows some consideration tbh (although I used to give glass boxes painted with both initials for keepsakes, but figure either people hate that or they are just too rude to say thanks- either way a tenner is both easier and cheaper)

slushy06 · 22/09/2009 14:14

Out of interest I am planning on starting saving to get married and wondered if I could get the advice of the ladies who don't agree with the whole asking for money would this be alright if I give these to my mum and anyone who asks to get me a gift gets given one.

'I have not done a wedding list as I dont require any gifts, however if any close relatives would like to get me a gift and are unsure what to get I would suggest vouchers for virgin holidays as me and dp are unable to afford a honeymoon and are hoping to have a family holiday instead later in the year.

However if you have certain gift in mind we will gratefully accept anything you choose to give us we will look forward to you joining us on our wedding day'.

Obviously that would be the general gist only more eloquently. I don't want to offend any one so was wondering if you had any suggestions on how else to do this without causing offense or making anyone feel obligated.

Squishabelle · 22/09/2009 14:16

Hate it - classless, presumptious and extremely vulgar.

Squishabelle · 22/09/2009 14:18

Slushy my comment was about OP not your post!

geordieminx · 22/09/2009 14:21

Ok.

Lets turn this around a bit.

What - in your opinion is the right thing to do re gifts/money for weddings - as a bride or groom?

A) not include any details of presents/money on invite, and if asked explain nothing is expected, however if they would like to buy a present/vouchers then anything would be fine

B) Gift list, either with parents/department store - although these days average "donatation is between £20 and £50 so lots of items in this price bracket

C) Write in card that nothing is expected however money would be appreciated.

D) Something else?

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 22/09/2009 14:23

I wanted to do this but didn't as I thought it was class-less.

However, if someone did it I wouldn't judge them for it. It's fair enough. Wedding couples who have lived together have everything and don't want loads of tat.

Because we DIDN'T do this, we got millions of photo frames, 2 toasters, 2 microwaves, 8 wedding albums, 3 lots of cutlery etc.

If people are going to get an out of the ordinary gift like a nice wedding statue or something (you know the debenhams ones and the angel ones) it's lovely. But the same present over and over is just like 'errmm what should we do with these?'

So yes, YABU.

eleveld · 22/09/2009 14:26

Personally I LOATHE wedding lists of any kind.

I think the whole of idea of sending someone an invite to your wedding and then saying 'Oh PS here's a list buy me something from it' is awful.

But I accept that is just my opinion of what I would do and don't begrudge people that do do lists.

When I go to a wedding and there is a wedding list I will always buy something from it, therefore, to me it doesn't make any difference whether the request is for a toaster or for cash, it's still asking for something.

I think the issue is whether you agree with 'requests for gifts' in general whether that be a request for a toaster or a request for cash (it amounts to the same thing, someone requesting you spend money on them)

Squishabelle · 22/09/2009 14:27

Its very difficult but I really dislike specifying vouchers or money and dont even like the idea of a list. Might be just me but its akin to begging! I think I wouldnt ask for anything at all but if a gift was given, accept with good grace even if it is a duplicate or not suitable.

Hulababy · 22/09/2009 14:27

geordieminx - I say (a). Don'tinclude list/request in invite; wait to eb asked.

RubysReturn · 22/09/2009 14:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

eleveld · 22/09/2009 14:29

Slushy I think that's fine because then you are only giving it to people that have already expressed that they want to get you a gift and was there anything you wanted (rather than being sent an invite and the first thing that drops to the floor when you open it is a wedding list!)

eleveld · 22/09/2009 14:31

I agree with all the last few posts - wait to be asked and only give preferences on request

Squishabelle · 22/09/2009 14:31

I am particularly about couples who already live together and already have everything they need, asking for cash. I mean why are they even bothering to get married? Is it purely for an injection of cash?

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 22/09/2009 14:34

Squish- no. It's because they love each other and want to commit to one another.

expatinscotland · 22/09/2009 14:34

I can see why they'd get married, Squish, but I agree with you about the asking for cash part.

geordieminx · 22/09/2009 14:35

We are getting married in just over a week - nothing included in invites. Its costing folk quite a lot to come to the wedding. Anyone who has asked has been told that we dont want nor expect anything, however if they would like to buy us a present or give us $'s to take on our honeymoon then it would bee greatly appreciated.

I have no doubt we will end up with 6 photo albums, and a couple of dodgy ornaments but its not important is it?

Blondeshavemorefun · 22/09/2009 14:36

vouchers can be a risk if the store goes bust

so cash is prob wiser/safer

and then the couple could put lots of cash together and buy something pricey - ie a tv cabinet etc

i much prefer to be told what the couple would like - rather than buy them another useless photoframe/toaster/set of wine glasses etc

msrisotto · 22/09/2009 14:38

Have you forgot the point of weddings blonde?

msrisotto · 22/09/2009 14:40

Sorry, i responded to the wrong poster, ref to squish