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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be quite worried about this boy, when his mum seems to think he is a girl??

196 replies

hulahoopyfingers · 19/09/2009 17:04

Yes I know don't be so judgy

Yes I know it is none of my business, but tbh I am actually quite worried/bemused/not sure what to say about this situation

We met a new mum about a year ago who has two children a girl of 5 and a boy of 2

When we first met them the boy had just turned 1. To cut a long story short the mum dresses and treats this boy as a girl. He had lovely long hair to his waist which is often in plaits, hairbands, tied up with ribbons. He wears girls clothes, not just girly clothes but pastel patent shoes, frilly socks, girls blouses and tops, the other day I saw him in pink cords with flowers on the pockets.

To look at him you would think he was a girl. I did for the first 3 times we met. He has a unisex name and I wasn't sure who she was talking about whenever she said he or him. Everytime I am with her and we met other people they think he is a girl and say she etc the mum doesn't correct them at all.

I don't know why this is bothering me. My DS has quite long hair himself. It wouldn't be bothering me at all if I thought he was inputting into it himself and saying I want to wear this or I want my hair up but he doesn't talk yet.

I just keep getting a weird this is not right feel about it.

I am waiting for the influx of YABU and here is why

OP posts:
wastingaway · 19/09/2009 17:10

He could well be wearing hand-me-downs, he has an elder sister after all.
Perhaps his sister enjoys doing his hair.

LynetteScavo · 19/09/2009 17:11

Interesting first post.

nickschick · 19/09/2009 17:11

V odd I agree-especially not correcting people when they assume he is a girl.

Original poster
hulahoopyfingers · 19/09/2009 17:11

He is not wearing hand me downs, he and his sister are often wearing the same outfit

OP posts:
SouthMum · 19/09/2009 17:12

YANBU - I'm freaked out by the recent story in the news about the 12 year old so this is almost making me lay an egg!!!

12 is way too young for a child to know if they want a sex change, therefore to dress a 2 year old BOY up like that and treat him like a girl is beyond weird IMO

Why would she do that??!

Original poster
hulahoopyfingers · 19/09/2009 17:12

not my first post at all

name changed because if you knew this person in rl, and then you looked at my usual posting name it would be quite easy to work out who I am

OP posts:
GibbonInARibbon · 19/09/2009 17:24
Hmm
PrincessToadstool · 19/09/2009 17:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

edam · 19/09/2009 17:27

Seems rather odd. Nothing you can do about it though - beyond telling her she's barking, which probably wouldn't make her change anything anyway.

PrincessToadstool · 19/09/2009 17:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
hulahoopyfingers · 19/09/2009 17:30

I wasn't intending on DOING anything. I was actually hoping that I could look at this this 'wow this is quite weird' feeling and think hmm it is just me that thinks it is.

the faces and 'interesting first post' comments and just letting me know that yes it is actually beyond weird and getting into barking territory

OP posts:
Original poster
hulahoopyfingers · 19/09/2009 17:31

Does he? Does he match them all up so he is colour co-ordinated too and so his blouse goes with his trousers?

OP posts:
plimple · 19/09/2009 17:32

In the old days boys were dressed as girls until about 5 years old so that the fairies wouldn't take them away.
Could this be why?

lavenderkate · 19/09/2009 17:32

Hula-Do you think there might possibly be deeper issues here?
Supposing there are physical reasons why she might be doing this. God, I am sorry I cant think of the correct use of words here.
What if the boy was really more like a girl physically, and hormones etc? maybe this child is potentially going to be a girl in the future.

Does that make sense?

And I suspect that the 12 year old got a lot of help and guidance. I am sure it wasnt clear cut and as simple as we all assume.

Original poster
hulahoopyfingers · 19/09/2009 17:33

ahh that explains it

OP posts:
Original poster
hulahoopyfingers · 19/09/2009 17:34

lavenderkate, yes that would be a good explaination and also why she had chosen a unisex name too

OP posts:
theseboobsaremadeformilking · 19/09/2009 17:36

Has she ever said anything about why she does? Have you asked her if she minds that everyone presumes he's a girl?
I think it is weird, especially the ribbons in the hair and plaits !

lavenderkate · 19/09/2009 17:42

Hula, thats what made me think of it.
My Mum's friends was a midwife years ago and came across a number of situations like this.

Boobs has an interesting idea, you could ask her if she minds people thinking he's a boy?

Iknowthemtoo · 19/09/2009 17:43

oh dear, i know who you mean
i feel the same way as you - worried
you've changed one detail, possibly to avoid them being recognised? but i know it's the same family. i think the reality of the detail you;ve changed makes it more alarming tbh
i know other local people who are concerned but what can anyone do? i'd like to help them out myself but can't think of a way that doesn't involve SS and potential problems for them all

lavenderkate · 19/09/2009 17:43

Hula. Who said he is a boy????

ScarlettCrossbones · 19/09/2009 17:45

Could she just be trying to make a point and challenge gender stereotypes? I read recently about a couple in Sweden who are not revealing if their child is a boy or a girl ? s/he has a unisex name, ambiguous hair and clothes etc, and I actually thought it was a really refreshing experiment! Sure, you could call it exploitation but they're not going to keep it up for ever, they'll reveal the gender before s/he starts school AFAIK. Do you think this mother might be doing something similar?

Iknowthemtoo · 19/09/2009 17:46

the mum says he is a boy - she calls him 'he' 'him' etc
he does actually have a boys name although if you don't know the name it does appear slightly unisex
hope you don't mind me answering hula but i am 100% sure we both know the same person

Iknowthemtoo · 19/09/2009 17:47

she is planning to teach him at home when he reaches school age
this concerns me when placed in conjunction with the girls' clothes thing

EyeballsWearingAPatch · 19/09/2009 17:49

That is very odd, I can't see any reason to think otherwise. Unisex is one thing but really, putting a boy in obvious girls' clothes and doing his hair like a girl and not just long is very strange. I would be very concerned about the poor little lad and what the effect will be on him. Gender is the root of who you are and playing around with it could be very harming.

piscesmoon · 19/09/2009 17:53

Are you absolutely sure 'he' is a boy?
If so, that is the sort of reason that I think HEers should have to register and have a check.
My nephew was quite 'girly' when younger, but that was his choice-this DC is too young to choose his hair style and clothes.