To be quite worried about this boy, when his mum seems to think he is a girl??

[hulahoopyfingers]

Yes I know don't be so judgy

Yes I know it is none of my business, but tbh I am actually quite worried/bemused/not sure what to say about this situation

We met a new mum about a year ago who has two children a girl of 5 and a boy of 2

When we first met them the boy had just turned 1. To cut a long story short the mum dresses and treats this boy as a girl. He had lovely long hair to his waist which is often in plaits, hairbands, tied up with ribbons. He wears girls clothes, not just girly clothes but pastel patent shoes, frilly socks, girls blouses and tops, the other day I saw him in pink cords with flowers on the pockets.

To look at him you would think he was a girl. I did for the first 3 times we met. He has a unisex name and I wasn't sure who she was talking about whenever she said he or him. Everytime I am with her and we met other people they think he is a girl and say she etc the mum doesn't correct them at all.

I don't know why this is bothering me. My DS has quite long hair himself. It wouldn't be bothering me at all if I thought he was inputting into it himself and saying I want to wear this or I want my hair up but he doesn't talk yet.

I just keep getting a weird this is not right feel about it.

I am waiting for the influx of YABU and here is why

He is just over 2 now and tbh I might be slightly at how lovely and long his hair is.

Jumente, im sure it could be something like this although she has an older girl?

if IKnow is who I think she is, she would get the joke

YANBU to think it's a bit odd, YABU to not just ask her.

Oh right

Three years between them though, is enough iyswim

I don't know, just a guess. If this is the case she may need some help, or he might end up with serious issues of his own, poor mite.

I mean she could have miscarried in between.

hula don't worry, i don't know who you are, and i won't try to work it out. we could both be one of several people in our 'circle' couldn't we? and yes we are all slightly weird

i know i have discussed this in RL with a few people (embarrassing to admit, but i have been bothered about whether something needs to be done to help the mum) and no-one seems to think it is quite right but no-one knows what to do?

the thing that bothered me about it was not him wanting to be dressed as a girl - which she says is the case - but the fact that she's been doing it since he was too young (IMO) to express a strong preference to be dressed with a girl's hairstyle and shoes etc

i feel like a gossipy old so and so now
it does make me feel judgy
and why does it hurt him?
but my concern is that it isn't him wanting to, it is her
and what this will mean for him in the future, given the fact that he's a boy and she seems to want him to be a girl

Have youu any idea who her HV is?

surely they would have picked up on something liek this

I think unfortunately the bfing thing was people actually expressing their feelings of something not quite right here but not wanting to point to the obvious

I also think that in our 'circle' people do not want to be the one who is saying feck even for us this is weird!

That wrong considering how our society has such an emphasis on gender, it cannot be a good thing to screw about with your child's gender identity.

That IS

This is just weird now.

Put out a call for a gender consultant or doctor if you want to actually know what could be causing this. If you just want to gossip "in private" with another familiar unknown, then, well, I am flummoxed.

Can I just say that either I know this person too or that ther are two boys running around being dressed in girl's clothing with gender neutral names being BF at 4. The only difference between the OP and the set up I know of is that the child in question is about 4.5.

In answer to the OP, I stopped being friends with this particular mum that I know as I felt increasingly uncomfortable about her decision to treat her child in this way. It was not his choice - it was hers and was down, I think, to being very uncomfortable with masculinity. The last time I saw this child, he was wearing pink tights, a dress and silver gilr's boots and had long hair.

going to leave this thread here now I think, thank you all for replies

There is a slim possibility that the child might be intersex (the correct term for a hermaphrodite or anyone with unclear genitalia and/or sex chromosomes). Most parents are still, rightly or wrongly, advised to bring intersex children up as female, until the child expresses some sort of clear gender identity either way (some never do), as basically, it's easier to perform surgery later on to make genitalia female-like than male. This could be why the child has a unisex name, is dressed like a girl and referred to as 'he' at times, but at other times people who refer to the child as 'she' aren't corrected - it would be very confusing for the parents as well as child. On the other hand, the mother might just have issues or be trying to 'prove a point', as people are suggesting here. Of course, this doesn't help - you can hardly go up to her and go 'is XXXX a hermaphrodite, then?', can you?! The main thing is, the genderisation of one's appearance is an absolute cultural construct and has no bearing on a small child's identity and future sexuality - it's only adults who get stressed about 'girls clothes' and 'boys clothes'. Children themselves have to learn the 'system' to fit in; until they reach school age they generally won't give a monkey's about whether their outfit 'matches' their gender, unless their parents have been inane enough to be hung up about such pointless and rigid gender codes (I'm talking about the sort of fools who wouldn't put their daughter in a navy cardi, not average parents). I hardly think a little boy wearing pink is a case for SS. If he and his sister seem happy and well-cared for, then it's no-one else's business how mum dresses them. Many boys like to dress up as a girl, esp. when they have a big sister - my brother used to insist on wearing my old dresses, playing with dolls and being called 'Karen' but he was a real hyperactive boy's boy and started dressing 'normally' as soon as he started school and had other people, ie other boys, that he wanted to emulate and not just me. He's as blokey as they come now, so it was hardly important in terms of his development.
Don't forget - pink was the colour for little boys and pale blue was the colour for little girls in this country up until the 50s.

BTW, my academic speciality is Transgenderism - I've not just lifted all this off Wikipedia

I just KNEW there would be somebody on here with a specialty such as this.

Love this place.

Well, I swear that my post is for real. The mum and son are infamous where I live and A LOT of people are very very angry with the mum for what she's been doing (talk of social services etc). I'm not sure that I know the same family as the OP though as the age of the child is different. I was hoping the OP might confirm/deny this.

Thanks for that Scorpette, good to have an expert on here.

OP did say that one detail had been changed.

but still troubled by this.

Seems a bit out there that 3 posters know the same family but then i guess they would stand out!
Has she been dressing him as a girl from being a baby ? Or since he can choose ?