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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be quite worried about this boy, when his mum seems to think he is a girl??

196 replies

hulahoopyfingers · 19/09/2009 17:04

Yes I know don't be so judgy

Yes I know it is none of my business, but tbh I am actually quite worried/bemused/not sure what to say about this situation

We met a new mum about a year ago who has two children a girl of 5 and a boy of 2

When we first met them the boy had just turned 1. To cut a long story short the mum dresses and treats this boy as a girl. He had lovely long hair to his waist which is often in plaits, hairbands, tied up with ribbons. He wears girls clothes, not just girly clothes but pastel patent shoes, frilly socks, girls blouses and tops, the other day I saw him in pink cords with flowers on the pockets.

To look at him you would think he was a girl. I did for the first 3 times we met. He has a unisex name and I wasn't sure who she was talking about whenever she said he or him. Everytime I am with her and we met other people they think he is a girl and say she etc the mum doesn't correct them at all.

I don't know why this is bothering me. My DS has quite long hair himself. It wouldn't be bothering me at all if I thought he was inputting into it himself and saying I want to wear this or I want my hair up but he doesn't talk yet.

I just keep getting a weird this is not right feel about it.

I am waiting for the influx of YABU and here is why

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 19/09/2009 20:16

It's time for a secret handshake, MNers?

lolapoppins · 19/09/2009 20:16

Scarlet I was going to ask the same. My dad was desparate for a boy when I was born. I have an androgynous name and was dressed in boys clothes, with short hair for most of my childhood. It wasn't my choice, but I knew that if I told my parents that I actually wanted to wear dresses like the other little girls I knew, it would upset them. My dad still talks about when I was a little girl and I would refuse to wear 'girls' clothes . Maybe this little boy doesn't want to upset his mum either, in which case, dressing him like a girl is wrong, and the mum is barking.

It is more accpetable, and bearly noticable when it is that way round though.

RealityIsNOTDetoxing · 19/09/2009 20:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MrsFawlty · 19/09/2009 20:25

Just flicked on to MN and this was at the top of active and looked interesting. Really no conspiracy - I know one other person on this thread, not convinced I know the OP or that we're talking about the same people.

piprabbit · 19/09/2009 20:27

I woud have thought a chat with someone from your local HV team would be more appropriate than this thread?
They will either already be fully aware of the situation, or able to follow it up in some way.

MrsFawlty · 19/09/2009 20:27

And if, by some freak coincidence we do all know each other, I guess the only conclusion is that we all have crap social lives round our way.

PrincessToadstool · 19/09/2009 20:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BitOfFun · 19/09/2009 20:28

I'm near you lot, I think. I nominate myself as mole to come over and check this story's veracity

RealityIsNOTDetoxing · 19/09/2009 20:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Lilyloo · 19/09/2009 20:30

BOF go check it out.....

BitOfFun · 19/09/2009 20:34

I could wear my Private Investigator outfit...

and then determine gender as a scientist

Iknowthemtoo · 19/09/2009 20:34

ok i still think i know the family in the OP, but the last two posters seem to be talking about a different child. the situation sounds similar but different.
have clicked on fbb's profile and you don't live in my area

OP no i don't know exactly what you mean about the BF thing (am assuming there was an incident or something) but can guess

agree maybe should leave thread now
i am sorry if my contributions were inappropriate OP, maybe would be better to discuss with a sensible friend in RL and take it from there

BitOfFun · 19/09/2009 20:36

Sending me round always seems to put people off...

Iknowthemtoo · 19/09/2009 20:36

and MN is NOT such an anonymous and private place as many posters on here seem to think
i've often recognised other people who i know and vice versa! it happens a lot - seee recent thread about 'have you ever seen a thread where the person was talking about you'

NotanOtter · 19/09/2009 20:37

this is awful

Lilyloo · 19/09/2009 20:38

BOF no one would think anything untoward in that get up

KIMItheThreadSlayer · 19/09/2009 20:41

If this is for real then the mother is clearly a loon mentally unwell

BitOfFun · 19/09/2009 20:41
Grin
elmofan · 19/09/2009 21:02

if this is for real then its pretty twisted to dress up a little boy like this ,

AcrylicAfternoons · 19/09/2009 21:16

Agree is v bizzare.
But also strange that there seems to be more than one little boy being treated this way.

elmofan · 19/09/2009 21:20

i definitely think ss should be informed about this family , who knows what long term effects this will have on this child

QuintessentiallyMrsJackSparrow · 19/09/2009 21:21

Proper DM stuff this.....

DesperateHousewifeToo · 19/09/2009 22:02

My ds(7) was adamant that a child we often saw at the park who wore dresses and who I assumed was a girl, was in fact a boy (have not seen them for a while).

Don't know how he knew, or anything about the child but seemed odd to me. Although I was very ''well it doesn't matter at all if that is what he wants to do'' with ds about it.

If it is true in this case, at least the child seemed old enough to be doing it out of choice as he/she seemed to be a similar age to ds.

LynetteScavo · 19/09/2009 22:12

I don't think dressing a 2yo boy in girls clothes will mess up his mind....yet.

Now, refereing to him as a girl, and dressing him as a girl, well....that would be wrong.

kateGB · 19/09/2009 22:25

Is there a father on the scene ? Seems very odd. If there are physical gender issues then why dress the child as one thing but then choose to address the child as he ?

And why home-educate?

Two of you seem to know this woman and seem to think a number of people share your concerns? Can one of you not ask her ? Or if it is a close community ask the health visitor ?