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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be quite worried about this boy, when his mum seems to think he is a girl??

196 replies

hulahoopyfingers · 19/09/2009 17:04

Yes I know don't be so judgy

Yes I know it is none of my business, but tbh I am actually quite worried/bemused/not sure what to say about this situation

We met a new mum about a year ago who has two children a girl of 5 and a boy of 2

When we first met them the boy had just turned 1. To cut a long story short the mum dresses and treats this boy as a girl. He had lovely long hair to his waist which is often in plaits, hairbands, tied up with ribbons. He wears girls clothes, not just girly clothes but pastel patent shoes, frilly socks, girls blouses and tops, the other day I saw him in pink cords with flowers on the pockets.

To look at him you would think he was a girl. I did for the first 3 times we met. He has a unisex name and I wasn't sure who she was talking about whenever she said he or him. Everytime I am with her and we met other people they think he is a girl and say she etc the mum doesn't correct them at all.

I don't know why this is bothering me. My DS has quite long hair himself. It wouldn't be bothering me at all if I thought he was inputting into it himself and saying I want to wear this or I want my hair up but he doesn't talk yet.

I just keep getting a weird this is not right feel about it.

I am waiting for the influx of YABU and here is why

OP posts:

QuintessentiallyMrsJackSparrow · 19/09/2009 17:54

Maybe you should put a call out and ask if there are any gender consultants around, who can explain?

Long shot, I know, but lots of different professions here.

qwertpoiuy · 19/09/2009 17:54

That is so weird. It is so unfair to the poor child too. Wonder what her husband/partner thinks of this?

totalmisfit · 19/09/2009 17:58

suggest she takes a holiday in norfolk sharpish - some of the most blunt and unflinching (ok rude) comments i've had from strangers about dd have been since we moved here so i'm sure that'd pre-empt you having to say anything.

BroodyChook · 19/09/2009 17:58

It does seem a bit odd. Referring to the child as 'he' and then dressing 'him' in a very feminine way doesn't seem to make any sense. She's certainly not raising him gender neutral, so I'm not sure what she's trying to achieve.

nappyaddict · 19/09/2009 17:59

DS at 2 picked his clothes and hairstyle. I would demonstrate on my self and he would pick whether he wanted it up in a messy bun type thing, in a pony tail or down. With clothes he would choose one thing and then i'd put out a few things that went with it and he could pick out of those so he would still be co-ordinated.

claw3 · 19/09/2009 18:14

If you thought the boy was a girl the first 3 times you met and the mum doesnt correct anyone for referring to he as she, how did you find out he was a boy?

beaniesinthebucketagain · 19/09/2009 18:14

my ds has long hair, but is very boyish, id certainly NEVER ever put his hair up in public, the world is a cruel place, especially other children, why oh why make you child the target of bullys?

YANBU!!!

thats the most concerning behavior ive ever heard of!

JemAtTheParrotsTable · 19/09/2009 18:16

Is this thread for real?

Genuine question

kittywise · 19/09/2009 18:21

DS3 is 2.5 and has long blond hair which is often tied into a ponytail. He wears boy clothes though and looks like a boy to me but strangers always call him she and I never correct them.

claw3 · 19/09/2009 18:22

Of course this thread is for real, mum dresses, names and treats a 2 year old boy as a girl with ribbons in his hair and OP gets 'I just keep getting a weird this is not right feel about it'

You dont say! there is no pulling the wool over her eyes eh!

AphroditesGrannyNightie · 19/09/2009 18:24

My DS wears alot of pink, he has his nails painted purple today, his last buggy was pink & purple but thats all him!

Because pinks his fave colour and Im not going to stop him He wears his sisters clips in his hair too!

Original poster

hulahoopyfingers · 19/09/2009 18:27

sorry had to pop out

IKnowThemToo, now I think I might know who you are, eek. I really wasn't trying to gossip but I saw them the other day and the unsettled feeling I have had for a while about it was just huge. So thought I would put the feelers out and see if it was just me.

The mum has told me 'he' is a 'he'. I have been there when she was asked outright which one her son was and she pointed him out, tbh the other mum was and everyone else was just kind of embarrased.

And yes this thread is real

OP posts:

franklymydear · 19/09/2009 18:29

she's doing a gender experiment

some parents think this is clever and worthwhile

don't worry a boy will out if he's boyish when he wants to and if he wants to stay girly he will

Original poster

hulahoopyfingers · 19/09/2009 18:30

IKnow, the name thing was bothering me because I have heard her calling him by the shortened version of his name, thereby making it into the feminine version of the name, IYSWIM

OP posts:

claw3 · 19/09/2009 18:30

So Hula what is it that you feel is not quite right about it, which bit was it that gave it away!?

Original poster

hulahoopyfingers · 19/09/2009 18:31

god I don't know, slightly feeling meh about it now, if you are who I think you are, we are all considered slightly weird by the general populace

OP posts:

lavenderkate · 19/09/2009 18:34

Hula, surely not everyone's not as polite as you where you live?

Surely by now someone has burst out laughing and said "Then why's he dressed as a girl?"
Certainly would have here in Alphafemmetown where I live!

plimple · 19/09/2009 18:34

Maybe just ask the Mum as you're confused. It could just be that he chooses to wear his sisters clothes and asks for his hair to be done like that. If that is the case I wouldn't stop him.
I probably would take out a boy of mine dressed as a girl if that's what he wanted (although at 2 I don't let my DD choose her clothes - I actually like to leave the house in the morning!), but I would not be brazen enough to not explain to others that he just fancied dressing that way today.

Deeeja · 19/09/2009 18:35

My brother liked to dress as a girl until he was around 4, then he went to nursery and wanted to be like the other little boys.
He would wear boys clothes, girls shoes, and paint his nails. He also liked to wear his hair long and put ribbons in it.
There are lots of photos of him as a toddler dressed as a girl. He wanted to be like me.
I don't think it is that strange to be honest.

Original poster

hulahoopyfingers · 19/09/2009 18:37

Deeja, tbh that I what I was hoping would happen. Lots of people saying, 'stop being so nosy loads of kids do it' then I could just think well its just you hula mind your own.

OP posts:

claw3 · 19/09/2009 18:42

Hula - If who is who you think they are and being weird etc?

Original poster

hulahoopyfingers · 19/09/2009 18:44

Claw sorry I am missing your point?

OP posts:

Jumente · 19/09/2009 18:44

I'm more interested in how a 1yo child has waist length hair. Is this normal? Mine is almost completely bald and he is 2 and a half.

Jumente · 19/09/2009 18:45

Seriously, is it possible this woman has previously lost a daughter at some stage and is kind of in denial about it, or something equally sad?

Thatw as what sprang to mind tbh

claw3 · 19/09/2009 18:46

Your post at 18.31

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