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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be so annoyed at seeing pregnant women smoking.....

177 replies

CakeandFineWine · 14/09/2009 15:56

GGGRRRHH.

Following my miscarriage 2 weeks ago. granted I'm a little raw...

But god it annoys me when I quit smoking before I even starting TTC, I didn't drink a drop, took my folic acid and followed the do's and don'ts of foods to the T.
And still MC'ed
And I see pregnant ladies walking around smoking or drinking in pubs..........

ITS SO UNJUST!!!!!!!

OP posts:
somewhathorrified · 15/09/2009 16:07

I'm not saying that anyone should change their mind. But I'm sick of people shoving unsubstantiated stats and judging others over the subject of smoking while pregnant. The stress that's placed on pregnant mothers over the guilt of smoking has potentially way more to answer for than smoking.

BTW that 'clinical paper' draws no information from any original clinical trial, all the sources it uses are theories, opinion and statistical assumption.

Morloth · 15/09/2009 16:07

Aaaaaand we have a Godwin!

Sorry, I'll get my coat...

MaggieBeauLeo · 15/09/2009 16:10

No YANBU, it is a hideous image. I saw a youngster, tracksuit, croydon face-lift, sovreign rings, the works, puffing away earlier, bump sticking out. And I am going to be flamed for saying this, so I should rein myself in but i can't, the fact that she wasn't even ashamed of it, and was openly puffing away in the main street made me less sympathetic still.

I know people find it hard. But to care so little that you spark up in full view of everybody..... I don't know what to say (for once)

WidowWadman · 15/09/2009 16:12

"Driving is statistically the safest form of transport there is. "

That's the funniest thing I've read all day.

SmallScrewCap · 15/09/2009 16:16

Yes, driving safest form of transport? WHA?

Also, saluting the law of Godwin

alypaly · 15/09/2009 16:30

cant be bothered to pull up proper clinical papers as there are so many...i guess its a personal decision but like the OP i feel really strongly about it.

Alowed an opinion i believe..
I dont thrust it on others...you are allowed your own choices and your own consciencies. If you want to smoke then its up to you.

anonacfr · 15/09/2009 18:32

What I meant to say was 'one of the safest forms of transport there is'.
Which it is- if you look at statistics compiled with frequency/duration of journeys per numbers of drivers, driving a car is actually considered safer than walking. The whole thing being beside the point, seeing as driving is an everyday necessity for most people, unlike skiing!

Way to ignore the rest of my post though.

LovelyTinOfSpam · 15/09/2009 18:37

Driving no more necessary than smoking IMO.

See previous re pollution as well.

anonacfr · 15/09/2009 18:54

Driving is necessary for a lot of people who don't have easy access to public transport. Pollution is an added factor but unless you chose to move to a deserted island, you can't exactly avoid it.

However, I wasn't arguing about smoking- I was going back to the skiing argument.

I say this as a lifelong avid skier- however much I enjoy it, it is risky. Pregnant women are far more likely to hurt their unborn child skiing than driving, smoking, walking, breathing in car fumes in city centres etc, but it's a risk they can easily avoid.

LovelyTinOfSpam · 15/09/2009 19:01

But this is the whole point isn't it.

People will have different risk assessments for different things and will naturally feel the risks attached to the things they need or want to do are worth taking, while the risks attached to the things they don't do or don't like are ridiculous and why would anyone do it?

Smokers are vilified in our society generally, hardly anyone smokes now compared to in the past, it is easy for everyone to get in a self righteous lather about it.

But other things which are risky for people/pg people - if they are things that people want to do - well obviously they are fine.

anonacfr · 15/09/2009 19:10

People might have different risks assessments but it doesn't change the fact that some activities are inherently risky.

We're not just talking about individual risk either- there is the unborn child to consider. It seems bizarre to me that a pregnant woman would chose to go skiing!

francagoestohollywood · 15/09/2009 19:30

As I said I'd never go skiing when pregnant. Nor would I smoke regularly or eat raw meat etc.
But I smoked the odd cigarette with no guilt, as I said, I felt more nervous getting on the car and driving.

I agree that smokers are particularly vilified in the UK for their habits. It's become like the USA where "respectable", nice, middle class people do not smoke (but take vicodin).

I think the moral judgement is really irritating, health campaigns on the effects of smoking should be enough.

WidowWadman · 15/09/2009 21:22

www.numberwatch.co.uk/risks_of_travel.htm

It's less likely to get injured in a skiing accident than it is to get injured in a car accident on the way to the slope.

Skiing however is something most people can easily avoid, should they choose to. It's still the pregnant woman's call which risk she's willing to take.

WidowWadman · 15/09/2009 21:26

In addition to the above:

I've stopped cycling to work when pregnant though, as that's even riskier than driving, and I've had first hand experience of being knocked off my bike by a school run mummy with short attention span already, so didn't want to risk it.

I would have found skiing less risky but without a slope nearby that's a moot point. I did go climbing though.

MillyMollyMoo · 15/09/2009 21:43

Every time I walk into the infertility unit, next door to the city's maternity hospital I have to hold my breath to get past the ungrateful cows smoking away in their nightwear straining over their bumps, quite honestly I'd like to slap each and every one of them but just hope their lack of lung capacity with cause them longer more painful labours instead.

AliGrylls · 15/09/2009 21:51

I do generally believe that women are dictated too far to much during pregnancy and I think the advice is generally way over the top.

I smoked before I was pregnant and also before I knew I was pregnant. When I found out I asked myself what are the risks and do I want to take that chance?

My logic is that smoking is worse than any other risk (in relation to sensible things you might eat / drink / inhale on a daily basis) I might take because of the risk to myself. 40/50 years ago people did not know what smoking did to the individual.

Well it could take another 40 years to figure out the damage it does to the unborn child.

I would never tell someone what to do because at heart I am a libertarian but that does not mean I need to agree with the actions of a person who chooses to smoke during pregnancy.

flopalong · 15/09/2009 22:25

If smoking when pregnant was safe the government wouldn't be telling us to stop beacuae they make sooooooooooooooooo much money from smokers. If they said everyone should smoke theres nothing wrong with it we could pay off our national debt in a week lol. (I know that not a fact before you think I don't, sure theres someone here who will work it out though lol)

iateallthecreameggsyummy · 16/09/2009 08:59

Muddle just re your comment on nicotene replacement therapy, I use an inhalator, I am allowed to use up to 6 refills a day and instead i use 1 refil in about 2/3 days. My carbon monoxide level is 0 compared to 21 when i smoked!!

Also for what its worth febreze and other room air fresheners make a difference to, i have used (sprayed I mean! lol gosh i sound like i meant inhaled febreeze!)febreeze, puffed into the stick to test carbon monoxide and its been 3! Thats having not smoked at all. That is not taking into consideration leaving the house and walking down a busy road.

Nicotene replacement does not have all the chemicals compared to actual ciggerettes.

No idea what my rant was for just wanted to add it in making people aware that carbon monoxide is in far more things than ciggerettes.

jo1rich · 16/09/2009 10:08

Seeing a pregnant woman smoking makes me sooooo cross. If the one thing a woman can do for her unborn it's to give up smoking. We all know the risks of smoking. I know it's not easy - I've done it. I like smoking and I won't say I'll never smoke again as I know when I go out for a few drinks I'll end up having a cig or two - I'm pregnant with baby number 3, and have stopped smoking for all my pregnancies. Yes I have gone back to occasionally smoking after the babies were born, but have not smoked in any of my pregnancies, or around my babies. At least give up whilst pregnant, and then not smoke around the little ones. When your little one says 'having a cigarette mummy', or puts a pencil in their mouth to pretend to smoke - makes you think!!!

ray81 · 16/09/2009 10:36

I think you are being a little unreasonable, I do believe its a bad thing but tbh you realy dont know their circumstances. Take me for example i am pg with my second child have been TTc for 5 yrs and have had 4 Mc i have given up smoking every time and still miscarried yet when i was Pg with my daughter ( i was very young and naive) i smoked all the way through, she is perfectly healthy with no problems at all, no problems with weight etc.
Now i feel i could justify to myself and others why i could carrying on smoking although i havent, i ve done it right i lost ive done it the wrong way and have a healty child it doesnt make sense in the slightest.
The fact is life is Unfair its a bitch but it isnt their fault that you lost your baby.
I am very sorry for your loss i know how bad you feel and its quite natural to feel that way although not completely reasonable.

beaniesinthebucketagain · 16/09/2009 11:32

skihorse why is that a dangerous way of thinking??? That is MY personal opinion i dont force people to think or behave the way i do, i would say to close friends or family my feeling but never victimise a stranger, think theyre stupid and pity the child for the lack of care but no more,

AND also, as for the ski conversation, surely you can take just as dangerous tumble on the london underground, or our our bumps banned from there aswell, some things are stupid!

flockwallpaper · 16/09/2009 14:28

OP, YANBU to be annoyed given your recent circumstances, it seems so unfair doesn't it, I am sorry for your loss.

I'm going to stick with the smoking issue, as this is what the OP asked about:

Nicotine is highly addictive for some people, it isn't fully understood why it is more so for some than others. It is as much to do with biology as willpower. So it is wrong to judge smoking in pregnancy per se, that woman you see smoking whilst pregnant may have cut down from 20 a day to one a day, and be having her one for the day. People doing this for the sake of their baby need encouragement, not judgement.

But it is NBU to expect pregnant smokers to try and give up, or cut down if giving up wasn't possible, whilst pregnant. Some of the chemicals in cigarette smoke are known carcinogens, poisons, so it seems mad not to try when there is support available free on the NHS.

I used to work with patients with chronic lung disease caused by smoking, so I know what it can do to the body.

flockwallpaper · 16/09/2009 14:31

ray, it is true, I am saying that you don't always know the circumstances.

beanie35 · 16/09/2009 15:14

So Sorry for your loss cake. As someone who has had 2 mcs I totally understand your pain and upset at those women who are 'fortunate' enough to carry a healthy baby full term while treating their body as they did before they got pg, while those of us who did everything by the book weren't so lucky.

Of course I wouldn't approach a smoking mum to be and tell her how I felt, but I still think it is very selfish. If the power of a cigarette is so strong and you have no desire to give up then don't get pg in the first place. No one can tell an adult not to pollute their lungs if they want to smoke, but why inflict it on a child.

BrieVanDerKamp · 17/09/2009 13:40

Know exactly where you're coming from.

A few years ago when I was pg with my 3rd child I gave up smoking.

Was talking to 2 ladies outside school gates while we were all pg, they both were smoking and asked why I stopped. I said I would just feel so guilty if anything happened to my baby, and would blame it on anything I did during pregnancy that is thought of as "bad" during pregnacy.

Well they both went on to have their babies a few weeks before me, and I then gave birth to my son who died before he was born.

No, not fair, not right, terribly hurtful. And yes, IMO every mother should absoultely do everything they can to promote healthy growth of their child, cos as I can say sometimes terrible things happen even when you've done all you can, and it feels bloody awful to blame yourself