to be so annoyed at seeing pregnant women smoking.....

[CakeandFineWine]

GGGRRRHH.

Following my miscarriage 2 weeks ago. granted I'm a little raw...

But god it annoys me when I quit smoking before I even starting TTC, I didn't drink a drop, took my folic acid and followed the do's and don'ts of foods to the T.
And still MC'ed
And I see pregnant ladies walking around smoking or drinking in pubs..........

ITS SO UNJUST!!!!!!!

sorry about you MC
but yabu, but you are allowed to be

Very sorry for your loss.

I must admit I do wonder why it is the mother's choice and must not be criticised though. And I say that as someone who did have some cigarettes during pregnancy with ds2.

He has asthma and gets very chesty and is generally more sickly' than ds1, the pregnancy where I didn't smoke at all. Co-incidence? I don't think so and I feel guilty every day.

But back to it. What's the difference between smoking during pregnancy and smoking in a small room, blowing smoke into your newborn's face? Would that be the mother's right too? To smoke in a confined space with her baby? If you saw that would you say how very dare you criticise, it's her right to do that.

I really don't see why the mother's right to smoke matters more than the baby's right to not be exposed to nicotine, tar, benzene, ammonia, carbon monoxide, acrolein Formaldehyde, butane and the 500+ other chemicals in them.

I wish to god I'd not smoked while pregnant with ds2 and when I see a pregnant woman smoking I could shake her!

And I know, you're not allowed to criticise, you're not allowed to judge, blah blah blah. I don't care. I do judge. It is no different to, like I say, lighting up and blowing smoke into the pram.

beanies that's a very "dangerous" train of thought - i.e., once a woman becomes pregnant she does not have the right to control her body as she pleases.

I honestly think we will see a day dawn when it is illegal for pg women to smoke, when it is as unacceptable as drinking and driving etc.

As a life long non smoker, i too was sickened, not really angry, just very sad on one occasion. Having had a stillbirth, and subsequently pg, having to walk into the hospital where it happened to see the same consultant was hard. seeing a woman on a drip, about 7 months pg, stood smoking just outside the entrance, well, all I can say is that I will NEVER understand some people. thats not to say i wish any of their babies harm or am saying "why me". Life is unfair, otherwise why would some mindless sadistic people have kids and others be infertile who would be excellent parents.

OP - early days after your loss, be gentle on yourself and give yourself time to heal, and good luck when you try again

but ski - does she really have that right?

Smoke? drink? take drugs? bungee jump? enter kickboxing competitions? get mates to punch her in the stomach to see it wobble?

I don't think you do have the right to do what you please when there is another human being living inside you who relies on you 100% and who is affected by everything you do and everything you ingest.

I smoked during my pregnancies. It is an addiction, that even when pg can be extremely difficult to give up. I tried and managed most of the first pregnancy, and at the start of the others, but failed.

I am not proud, infact I am really disappointed with myself, but am an honest person too.

I am very sorry for your loss.

hecates The trouble is, if we are to say "she is not allowed to do x" then we are no different from the pro-lifers for example in America who claim that she cannot choose an abortion because she is carrying human life.

Whilst smoking/drinking/drugs are not sensible choices - we cannot - in the name of all women and our right to choose - allow a woman to become 2nd to her foetus.

And I can't even begin to belive you're talking about sport.

Well said, hecate.

we're going to have to agree to disagree. I believe that you have as much of a duty to take the best care possible of your baby before it's born as you do after it's born and that, to me, means doing nothing that you know poses a risk to your baby. And yes, that includes some sports that pose risk of injury.

You don't agree, and that's fine. You don't have to. but I'm not going to change my mind no matter how many angry faces you make.

YANBU - there was a thread like this a year or so ago, and the OP got flamed.

The attitude here seems somewhat different.

I don't think a pregnant woman does have the right to do things which may/will harm her baby, but then if she is also allowed to have an abortion, what, really, is the difference? Better a child born with difficulites because the mother drank, smoked and took other drugs than the child not born at all?

I don't know....

It's a very complex social issue.

As ever a very polarised one.

Out of interest, what would people have done to women who do smoke when pregnant, if it were made illegal?

Put them in prison? Incarcerate them in a secure hospital for the duration of their pregnancy? The same for women who drink?

I believe that as smoking is so harmful for everyone, it should be banned outright. You can't go around making fags freely available, then lambasting people for using them, when they are so highly addictive. I suppose the govt needs the cash though

And you certainly can't restrict people from doing things which are perfectly legal otherwise, simply because they are carrying a child. They are adults and it is down to them.

I totally agree with hecate. I know someone who was really put out when her midwife suggested it would be a bad idea to go on a skiing holiday - she was 16 weeks pg.

She did not go, but she thought it was a lot of fuss over nothing....."it'll never happen to me"

I lost a baby due to a "less than 1 in a million" chromosome abnormality

when all the stats tell you how smoking affects babys birthweight and future health

WHY risk it

whilst i am sorry for the delicate nature of the OP

i would like to point out that the thread title is a bit like saying AIBU to beat my kids up or AIBU to stab the dog

Either women have bodily integrity or they don't - which is it?

Do I think women who smoke while pregnant are incredibly selfish? Yup. Do I think there should be special laws for pregnant women? Hell NO!

A woman's body is her own, if she is sharing it with another that is her choice, but her body is still her property and her's alone.

If smoking is legal for adults, then it must be legal for all adults.

I am very sorry for your loss OP and I apologise in advance for going off-topic.

Peed It infuriates me when people say skiing is dangerous - all I can say is that it probably depends on how shit a skiier you are.

Of course skiing is dangerous, it wouldn't be any fun otherwise.

You go to the top of a mountain covered with frozen water with slipper boards strapped to your feet - what part of this is not dangerous?

Where does the rush you get from skiing come from if not from the extra adrenalin released when flying down that hill?

I tore my knee up pretty bad a couple of years ago and I was an excellent skier, had been skiing since 4 years old etc. Shit happens.

The danger is what makes it exciting.

Well personally,
I'd rather take my chances with a couple of fags than be shoved off the top of the matterhorn with a couple of planks stapped to my feet.

Of course skiing is dangerous. But then so are lots of other things. Where to draw the line? And how to enforce it?

I suppose it depends on what kind of skiing you do when pg, and how many weeks pg you are, though. An expeienced skier pottering around the nursery slopes isn't going to do much damage, but an inexperienced skier flying down an olypic run would obviously be ridiculous.

skiing itself is not dangerous, but FALLING while skiing might well be. Even a good skier can have a tumble whilst pg that would otherwise be insignificant, but could cause a miscarriage. More likely to fall when pg due to increased weight/balance issues

am I unreasonable to wonder why anyone, good skier or not, would RISK that? you are playing russian roulette with your baby

Skiing is a dangerous sport.
When pregnant I totally avoid going skiing, but allowed myself the occasional cigarette.
I reckoned that 10 cigarettes in 9 months didn't pose a great risk to my pg. Not riskier than popping in the car whenever I needed to.
I wonder if we should stay away from cars too, when pg

avoided

YANBU I don't like seeing pregant women smoking either, I agree however it is none of my business but I find it very hard to be non judgemental of ladies who continue to smoke whilst pregnant.

I agree with OP, after suffering the loss of a baby in our family it is extremely irritating to see women taking risks during pregnancy. Surely no-one walks past a pregnant woman smoking and doesn't have some sort of gut instinct that its wrong and they disapprove?

YANBU (imo) and I've always thought the same as you Cakeandfinewine.

I'm so sorry about your MC. It just brings an already unfair, sad situation into sharp focus when you see this

no, not unreasonable at all.