to think it's high time somebody started an "I'm an imperfect mother" thread on here? Jeeez the number of perfectly perfect mums on here atm is quite scary

[emkana]

Okay I'll start

I'm not a perfect mother because

I lose my temper
I let them watch x factor and the cube on a Saturday night, and don't even read them a bedtime story after
I've taken them out of school for holidays

hatesponge...

there is a large difference between swearing (occasionally) in the earshot of your kids, like "bloody hell" when you stub your toe or summat

and calling them names directly to their face such as "fucking shit"

can you not see that ?

< resists temptation to call hs a fucking thick bitch and then ask her to put herself in the shoes of an 8 yo being subjected to that >

Can I just clarify by swearing at children do we mean name calling them swear words ie fucking bitch, shit etc?

Or do we include saying to children for example

FFs hurry up
stop pissing/buggering about
turn your bloody tv/radio/ipod down

because I don't do the former. I agree that namecalling is wrong, I don't think we're arguing about that. I have told DC once before I thought they were stupid, and instantly regretted it, and qualified it - or tried to- by saying it was their behaviour that was stupid, not them.

However I do many variations on the latter. I am assuming this is swearing at children, because it is swearing in sentences directed to them (as opposed to swearing in a conversation they are not party to, and simply overhear). I can't see the latter is making my children feel unloved, or unhappy.

then you are arguing the wrong cause hs

because further up this thread there were people who thought it just amusing/a bit edgy to use terms such as fucking shit in direct relation to their children

and you see it all the time in the schoolyard

and, frankly, it stinks

But AF, I dont call my children fucking bitches or shits. I have said I accept namecalling, with or without swearing is wrong.

I swear at the time. I don't name call.

Having heard angelic looking 4 year olds say the words "Fuck" and "piss" pre-DC, I really do make an effort not to swear around my boys.
It just sounds so awful hearing words like that from a childs mouth and by swearing around children you, as their role model are normalising it.
I do have my shouty moments though, and am not proud of it, normally when they are gauging each other's eyes out or something similar.

Thanks AF, just choked on my yorkshire pudding

Also, rightly or wrongly (and I believe rightly) our society considers those that swear as lacking in intelligence (eg lack of vocabulary if every third word is a swear word).

You wouldn't swear in front of your child's teachers would you? Or at work?

If you swear in front of your children all the time are they old enough to understand when it might be (to some people) appropriate to swear and when it isn't? Job interviews for instance? Also, don't you want to teach them a wider vocabulary so they don't need to swear? Isn't it unfair on them that they'll get told off if they swear at school etc even though they're only copying you?

But this is a bit off topic, this all started because of people who swear AT their children.

FGS we all have bad days with our kids! Some of us resort to the odd shouty/swearing moment and no doubt feel guilty and shite about it.
It does NOT mean we are rubbish, inadequate, abusive mothers!
It is notr an indication of bad parenting. It's just a fucking bad day where (often for a number of reasons) our child has pushed us over the edge.
Some of the people on here are talking out of their sanctimonious, judgmental big fat arses.

Those who are putting the boot in over the odd bout of swearing will no doubt do other things as parents that are equally shit on occassion.

My DC don't swear, indeed I never swore as a child.

I accept there is a heavy irony there

AF, I'm not attempting to be a namecalling apologist, although I acknowledge people make mistakes and as a one off might say something completely wrong -like when I used the word stupid to my DC. But as someone who does swear around my DC, I was only objecting to the suggestion that them hearing swear words was automatically harmful or made me a lesser parent.

And no, I don't swear regularly in front of my toddler. In fact I have done it once or twice at most.
It is not something I am proud of doing but equally it's not the end of the world either and serious enough for mne to beat myself up over for the rest of her childhood.

so its ok then for little johnny to say to his dinner lady "ffs, will you hurry up with that fucking semolina..." ??

I might be showing my age here...do they still serve semolina at school ?

Jude68 - IT IS BAD PARENTING TO CALL YOUR CHILD A 'FUCKING SHIT / BITCH' ETC ETC

For the love of God, why is that difficult to understand???? It doesn't matter if you're having a bad day IT IS WRONG.

Yes I'm shouting because I think its the only way I have any hope of getting through.

Actually this is pointless, anyone that thinks its ok to swear AT their child is too stupid to understand logic. And yes, I stand by that, too STUPID.

I'll try an example - if you swore at your boss, called them a fucking shit, because you were having a 'bad day' you would be sacked (or at least you would be where I work). Therefore why on earth should your child have to put up with it??

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

And if you swear around them, they are (possibly) not old enough to understand when swearing is appropriate and when not. Why should they be told off for saying ffs to a teacher when you have taught them that?

And don't you want to teach them different ways of communicating and managing frustration than to swear? Lovely.

fluffy, calm down dear

tis only t'internet

although I feel your frustration

My DC are 8 & 11. They do not swear, possibly an occasional bloody hell from the elder, but no more than that. And it's not just that they don't swear in front of me, it has been commented upon by other people as well (that they are some of the few children at their school who don't swear, for example).

I rarely speak to my children's teachers. However, I do swear at work all the time.

I'm pregant AF. I'm finding my temper is a litte OTT (although not to the point of swearing ha ha).

Will breathe.

And I've got no cake. Or chocolate.

HS - you see don't you think thats just horrible, that they are some of the few at their school who don't?

The fact that it has been commented on by others just seems so sad to me, thats like someone commenting 'Oh your children are some of the few that don't punch each other'. Surely its normal for children not to swear??

Please?? Someone tell me its NORMALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

I have never called my kid a fucking shit/bitch but I know people who have and it was said to a very young child in a moment of complete fustration and despair.
I have said to my own child when I have been pushed to the edge, "Oh for fucks sake stop it!!"
It isn't great but it isn't that big a deal either in isolation and when the child is loved, valued, cared for etc etc.

Yes, there ARE better ways of managing fustration but we don't always manage to think of doing them.
Bully for you with bloody bells on for being fucking cunting twatting perfect!

My children have grown up understanding that certain words are used by adults, and not children, and therefore they don't use them. It's never been an issue.

Defluff- The point is though that most of the children who do swear have parents who don't. I'm trying to say there's not an automatic relationship between the two ie that if you swear, so will your DC. It's not always like that.

And I'm not living in some deprived inner city area - for the record this is an ofsted outstanding school in the leafy London suburbs, where mums are ladies who lunch and dads are 'something' in the City.

Jude68 - I think your last sentence proved my argument