to think it's high time somebody started an "I'm an imperfect mother" thread on here? Jeeez the number of perfectly perfect mums on here atm is quite scary

[emkana]

Okay I'll start

I'm not a perfect mother because

I lose my temper
I let them watch x factor and the cube on a Saturday night, and don't even read them a bedtime story after
I've taken them out of school for holidays

[preciouslillywhite]

Oh, ffs, shiney, read my post...I was making a joke about being up my own arse!!

[DeFluffMyFanjo]

No idea how to - give me directions, I've always wanted a clique (disclaimer - I don't have to have a weekly hangover to qualify do I? I'm 5 months pregnant!)

PS I couldn't find classics last night I'm losing it.

[preciouslillywhite]

Do you know, I was thinking about this thread again (while finally getting round to painting the fucking dining room) and thinking about how some people get a warm glow judging others, and how terrible that is...

Then I realised- as I was thinking about those judgemental folk, and how awfully judgemental they are, and how I am not judgemental, not in the leastest- I was also getting a lovely warm glow of righteousness somewhere around the solar plexus

...so I was feeling self righteous about others feeling self righteous and me not feeling self righteous...



...before I do, though, Jude I was in exactly the same position as you a few years ago, with twin toddler girls and an older son.A SAHM not by choice (although I did think I would love it, before I did it iykwim), skint, with no family. Also my partner worked really long hours and a long way away. I thought it would never ever end, and now I look back I think I prob had pnd.Or maybe was just exhaustion/boredom. It is really fucking hard, I know. And I know you'll have heard it before but it really does get better- once the first one goes to nursery you'll get your "self" back again.

To me now my girls, now 6, are the best thing that ever happened to me. When they're not there I really miss them. When they're here it's just a great big laugh (and some ffss)

Are you still in SE London btw?I saw from your profile you were in Plumstead...I'm in Peckham

[DeFluffMyFanjo]

By boyngirl Thu 17-Sep-09 07:29:52 Add a message | Report post | Contact poster

Jude - I only came back to this thread yesterday to defend you as I felt you were being bullied with all the 'get off our site now you dreadful mother - in the obligatory juvenile cliquey 'in jokey' way - and let us PROPER MNetters who spend our lives on these threads judging over others and offering patronising advice where it wasn't asked for' gang. (Yes that's you Shineon and in answer to your question earlier you are SO judgemental it's a joke!).

I'VE NEVER said 'get off our site' or intimated it in any way. I know no mumsnetters either on the boards or in RL and certainly don't have a 'clique'.

BOYN SAYS - This thread has angered me too Jude. I don't get MN a lot of the time. You are doing the best you can, so am I, so is everyone. To Defluffmyminge who actually said to me 'you are a bad mother', I am so glad I have a very full, happy RL with tons of friends and a wonderful DH who loves me to bits and who shares my devotion to our dc - and with who I can talk/laugh with when we fuck up. I feel so secure in all that, and I know I'm a good mum, that I actually feel sorry for you with the stick up your arse and your lament about the sad, sad world we live in. It is so narrow, so simplistic, so confused to bring bad parenting down to swearing at your dc once in a blue moon. How wonderful that you 'debate' with toddlers! LOL LOL LOL!!

I DO ACTUALLY have a full life thanks. Although in your world I obviously can't have because I don't swear at my children. What sort of crazy logic is that?? I also never said I debate with toddlers (are you making this up as you go along??) however there surely is a world of space between swearing at your toddler and debating with them? A simple 'Could you hurry up please' could work, no? Is that too simple for you?

BOYN - As for hangovers, hell yes I have them at least once a week - I have a life! A social life! A DH who loves a glass or 4 of Merlot on the sofa, like me.

OH I SEE now, I have no life because I don't have hangovers. Right. How old are you?? 15?
So you can only 'have a life' if you have hangovers every week? You must fill your children with such aspirations, fab! And anyway who was talking about hangovers anyway? It was only in response to the lady who didnt take her children to school because she had one, not the fact of having one in the first place. But please can I join your crazzee gang where unless you have a hangover you're just not cool?!

[Lizzylou]

Boyngirl and Jude, YABU.

A nice crisp dry white wine is far more refreshing (and doesn't give you such bad hangovers ).

I don't think anyone is a bad Mother, I don't know you and even if I did I wouldn't necessarily see what went one behind closed doors. OK, I don't agree with some things mentioned on this thread, but thats my opinion. I know I'm not perfect and can bet anything neither is anyone else on MN and nor do they think they are.

I can remember what it was like stuck at home with 2 DC and not really having any support. Drove me up the wall. Now I work school hours 4 days per week and I miss them like mad, you can never win, eh?

[boyngirl]

Jude - I only came back to this thread yesterday to defend you as I felt you were being bullied with all the 'get off our site now you dreadful mother - in the obligatory juvenile cliquey 'in jokey' way - and let us PROPER MNetters who spend our lives on these threads judging over others and offering patronising advice where it wasn't asked for' gang. (Yes that's you Shineon and in answer to your question earlier you are SO judgemental it's a joke!).

This thread has angered me too Jude. I don't get MN a lot of the time. You are doing the best you can, so am I, so is everyone.

To Defluffmyminge who actually said to me 'you are a bad mother', I am so glad I have a very full, happy RL with tons of friends and a wonderful DH who loves me to bits and who shares my devotion to our dc - and with who I can talk/laugh with when we fuck up. I feel so secure in all that, and I know I'm a good mum, that I actually feel sorry for you with the stick up your arse and your lament about the sad, sad world we live in. It is so narrow, so simplistic, so confused to bring bad parenting down to swearing at your dc once in a blue moon. How wonderful that you 'debate' with toddlers! LOL LOL LOL!!

As for hangovers, hell yes I have them at least once a week - I have a life! A social life! A DH who loves a glass or 4 of Merlot on the sofa, like me.

I agree with everyone who says for every swearer there will be a non swearing mum who is making her own mistakes in some way or other. It's so obvious, is even worth saying?

[Jude68]

Thank you "IWantAChickAndADuck"...I would like that. Night night

[IWantAChickAndADuck]

Goodnight Jude, like I said I'm probably in a similar situation to you so if you ever need a chat...

[Jude68]

I do find bundling them both in the double buggy and going for a long walk to the shops via the swing park (again) helps to calm both them and I down.
I know swearing is awful and I have only succumbed a couple of times (in their earshot)and have felt like a sack of shit on each occassion.
I worry more that I drink too much tbh...that I rely on my wine to keep me sane. I start looking forward to it at 7pm when my partner is due home....I don't want my daughters to remember mum always have a wine glass in her hand. The rare swearing fit really doesn't worry me although is upsetting and guilt inducing at the time.
Right..off to bed.
Goodnight all.

[IWantAChickAndADuck]

I don't doubt that you do Jude... I am a SAHM to two young boys, 3 and a half and 7 months (the elder has just this week started nursery). I live 300 miles away from all my friends and family due to DP's job. I completely sympathise with you becuase I'm probably in a similar situation, and if it's good enough for you then fine, for others it clearly isn't. I posted earlier about how the issue of swearing at your children affects me, seeing it first hand on a nearly daily basis really really gets to me, and has on one occasion brought a tear to my eye. I do not, never have and never will swear at my children. It's clearly a subject that spilts mothers into two groups, just like alot of other things in life... breat/bottle feeding, home ed/school, organic/non-organic. But at the end of the day everyone has different parenting techniques, thus creating individual and unique children... it'd be pretty dull if everyone was the same

[badi]

Hello, i am only responding to this last post and not the whole thread because i haven't read it properly (although belittling your children and swearing at them on a consistent basis is obviously pretty nasty and not to be condoned). Jude, i think it's pretty tough being stuck at home when it's not through choice and swearing in the vicinity of your children because you are angry/frustrated with your situation rather than because you 'hate' your children and wish to put them down isn't tantamount to being an evil mother. I was a pretty poisonous teenager and my mum said some choice things to me but we get on brilliantly now, she's endlessly supportive of me and i have always felt completely loved by her (despite having the sharp end of her tongue on several occasions). I am sure you are lashing out and swearing more because you are feeling frustrated and pissed off at being judged. take up running, works for me (reluctant SAHM too after being PT working mum).

[Jude68]

yup...should have added that I'm a little too fond of red wine too almost every night...ok, not the best way to wind down after a tiring, boring, fustrating day but hey, it works!

[random]

Thats good enough for me ...I've had 3 lots of teenage years to contend with ...vodka helped a lot

[Jude68]

I have been angered by this thread because every single day I start the day trying really hard to be consistent, patient, interested, kind etc etc with my very young children. They are 2.5 and just over 12 months old. I had them late in life (37 with first one) after being a carefree singleton for masny years..one who mixed with and joined in with others who swore a lot. Due to financial and personal reasons I am a SAHM...I would prefer not to be, at least not full time. Neither of my kids are in any form of pre-school/nursery and my partner works long hours. Add no family help to the mix and I struggle. I really struggle some days and am prone to depression which is not easy when occupying bored, lively, naughty toddlers for hours on end. If the odd FFS or fucking bollocks slips out then so be it...I am fucking doing my best. That's good enough for me.

[IWantAChickAndADuck]

okaaaay

[random]

Jude I was always on your side ...just cba to get into the row on here...

[Jude68]

It depends WHY my child told me to fuck off. That would influence my reaction to it.

[IWantAChickAndADuck]

?

[Jude68]

Thank you. Finally some sensible posters with a bit of perspective.

[NotanOtter]

roseability and kisses because i know what that is like

my mother the one who chose to get pregnant and give birth to me hoping i was a boy once told me she would die for each of my sisters but for me she would 'watch me go' ( some weird fantasy she had about the gestapo!)

her loss

I AGREEE whole heartedly that the odd parental failing is fine 'to err is human' afterall