to think it's high time somebody started an "I'm an imperfect mother" thread on here? Jeeez the number of perfectly perfect mums on here atm is quite scary

[emkana]

Okay I'll start

I'm not a perfect mother because

I lose my temper
I let them watch x factor and the cube on a Saturday night, and don't even read them a bedtime story after
I've taken them out of school for holidays

hecate, not sure I agree with that. If I have a day where I feel tired and run down and so let them watch hours of TV, then I know that it's not the perfect parenting thing to do, but I do it anyway because I don't have the energy to do anything else. Or when I lose my temper I know that there are better ways of dealing with a situation but sometimes it gets the better of me.

What has irked me on here a bit recently have been some less than supportive posts where mums who were obviously already feeling down were further hammered down with posts condemning what they had done. Not the MN spirit imo.

oh we all do that! A few hours in front of the tv. No big deal. Nothing that's likely to harm them in any way! Good for them to have some 'downtime' too.

I think that being constantly in their faces is the wrong thing to do. You create a child who needs constant entertaining, who finds it hard to do anything under their own steam, who is basically 'directed' through life. I think that is one of those things parents will look back on and think hmmm, maybe not the right thing to do.

Giving them a lazy day once in a while, time where nobody is wanting anything, where they just chill out, and they get the very important lesson that mum has needs too and doesn't exist solely for their entertainment!

So actually good parenting, imo.

Mine are watching cbeebies right now whilst I MN and I don't care, it's Sunday morning that's cartoons day, we rush them out the door every other morning so today they can watch cartoons in their PJs if they want.

hi emkana thanks for starting this thread and for the support on the other (it was needed I am a newly pregnant woman again)!

What else
I lose my temper sometimes
Sometimes after splitting up the 5th fight in 10 minutes I let them get on with it
I bribe them with sweets
I don't keep every single drawing they do then lie as to why it's in the recycle bin.
I don't bath them every night as I cannot be bothered to.

All good parenting!

I lose my temper sometimes - so? good for them to see that their behaviour can affect someone else and that you are a human being with feelings. Also, if you lose your temper badly, when you've calmed down, it's good for a lesson on emotions and how to express them!

Sometimes after splitting up the 5th fight in 10 minutes I let them get on with it - good. Then need to learn that if they hit, they might get hit back! Also general conflict resolution lesson You're not actually helping them by constantly mediating!

I bribe them with sweets - ach well, that teaches them that life has rewards if they work for them.

I don't keep every single drawing they do - then lie as to why it's in the recycle bin.

• it's environmentally friendly to recycle. plus lots of paper in the house is a fire hazard.

I don't bath them every night as I cannot be bothered to. - scientists have proven that children need germs and dirt in order to thrive. You are making them healthy.

There you go. you are in fact, a perfect parent!

thank you Hecates

No problem. It's a question of perspective.

I feel as though I have come home

MN comes across as "The Perfect Mother's" club a lot. I encounter a lot more tolerance in real life. I suppose because people IRL assess you as a whole, so they don't condemn you for your one off bad moments.

Online people can come across as SO sanctimonious; if you don't do things their way, then you are a selfish/ignorant/negligent/bad parent. They get very evangelical about it; no justiable wiggle room on stuff that obviously isn't set in stone (like which carseat to use).

My parenting imperfections include stuff like:

Throwing soft toys at demanding toddlers (who are demanding the toy when I have 65 other things to be doing).
Having the occasional tantrum at DC.
Not clamping down on sibling feuds.
Dossing online rather than playing with them or doing other family chores.
Handing toddler crisps or a biscuit just for peace and quiet.
Occasionally misjudging some risks. Like I'm not entirely sure what my toddler is up to right now....

I get a great many things very right, though that's not what this thread is about .

I am perfect because
I let my kids play computer games and watch TV whenever they want
do not helicopter them
ignore them to mumsnet
etc

because I think that is ok and is a amrk of perfection. Little boxes filled with organic chaff is a mark or being extremely weird

The thing is (and we all know it) people on the internet LIE, so perfect mum who post that she is in fact a breastfeeding, fruit shoot hating Boden waring mother of the year, is most likely sat at 11.30am in an egg smeared bath robe while little jonnie dressed in a disposable nappy and drinking a bottle of cola picks dry dog shit out of the carpet, before a happy meal lunch and a trip to primark, you got to love the WWW

DD thought I was "working" on here too until the bloody school taught her phonics and she could read "Mumsnet".

lol @ picking dog shit out of the carpet...I am eating breakfast and that is just too too much

my DCs have had mcdonalds, fruit shoots, cola, sweets, been to greggs and I have never pretended otherwise, unlike some people.

mumof2teenboys When I was growing up I had a friends mum who used to play story tapes - I used to think it was so cool - I used to beg my parents to get some for me, but they didn't so I used to love going over to my friends house for sleepovers because of the tapes.

DP was not allowed sweets much as a child, once able to buy his own he did...big time

well, I am known to frequently be shouting "oh for fucks sake hurry up" to my dd in the school run mornings....
I am ashamed of myself but she makes me SO angry that foofing releases HUGE amounts of steam and then I regain the ability to chivvy her out.
I also have called her an idiotic child and variations on that. Most recently when she ran and tried to get out of the front door when I approached her with an oral thermometer.
On the plus side, she is bright, witty, confidentish, and knows how to behave for EVERY other bugger

babybarrister - in that situation you do rock, paper, scissors

DD had CBeebies on all day on Thursday, she's now watching it again in her pjs and she's had no breakfast yet because I can't be bothered to move (she would tell me when she wants it though). I think she thinks my laptop is part of my body...

we might have to programme 'oh for fucks sake' on dd's communication aid as she thiknks thats a normal part of speech

i'm imperfect, last week I forgot to give DS dinner at 5 and he had to ask at half 5! and even then it was sausage n beans on toast, with a penquin and yoghurt - hardly great - althou he's had chilli in nursery.

I also loose my temper,
On a sunday all we have for tea is porridge & raisins after a big roast dinner.
I let him have a v v milky cup of tea after his roast on a sunday only.
only just remembered to change his sheets after 3 weeks y'day.

No-one's perfect and I've had a lot of wise advice on MN in helping me to deal with my own imperfections.

But I dunno. You can go too far in revelling in slummy-mumminess, I think. Sometimes it's actually right to be forthright and honest in your reactions. Espeecially when the post has been put in aibu, when (as is so often the case with the aibu section) the poster secretly knows she/he has been unreasonable.