to think it's high time somebody started an "I'm an imperfect mother" thread on here? Jeeez the number of perfectly perfect mums on here atm is quite scary

[emkana]

Okay I'll start

I'm not a perfect mother because

I lose my temper
I let them watch x factor and the cube on a Saturday night, and don't even read them a bedtime story after
I've taken them out of school for holidays

Ive been in stitches reading some peoples comments on here! i thought i was the only one that was losing the plt sometimes! nice to know its not just me!!!

think it was me - however I didn't mean it as in it isn't a good one per se - I simple ment in the context that I forgot to give DS his dinner as was stressed out, when he asked I gave him the first thing that came to hand - being the whole meal wasn't that good - sausage & beans on toast a yoghurt & a penquin buscuit. but I knew he'd eaten well in nursery & it's not every day we do that.

then again - beans = fibre, bread = carbs, tinned sausage = protein??!, yoghurt = dairy. fairly balanced?

I think in truth it's that I don't see it as a 'meal' it's a snacky meal/a lunch but not a full tea iycwim. also it's the sausage part - while I don't buy the 100% meat finest ones, the tinned ones I have issshhooos over. lol. still DS loves em.

Guilt. Very powerful emotion, and not in my experience a particularly useful one. Motherhood is full of it - who has never felt guilty at all since having children? Who thinks that bringing up children is without question the hardest thing they have ever done? Who has never felt quite so alone?

Who wishes somebody would just give them a definitive set of answers/rules to ensure that everything would be alright?

Most of us are just muddling through, trying to do our best. No-one is perfect, no-one. Sharing experiences can be helpful and even liberating. We are all on the same side, surely?

Agree about beans on toast - nothing wrong with it if you give fruit and milk afterwards. I usually give it to DD if she's had McD's for lunch with her GPs.

Nice post baskingseals

are spagetti hoops on par with baked beans?

Okay, confession time. I'm about to serve battered cod and chips for lunch. Did cook pasta but it tasted horrible so have resorted to freezer food. If I follow it with a yoghurt and fruit, will I be redeemed?

Jude68 come back! I'm with you all the way!
An honest sane mother who is being bullied by smug, judgemental, unhelpful mums (who spend staggering swathes of their days on MN...which is wondrous parenting).
Of course swearing or losing it occasionally with your dc doesn't make you a bad mother.
Anyone sane knows that.
I have many many RL mum friends (nice middle class women) (and before you stampede towards me with your PC truncheons held aloft I say that rather ironically and pointedly since I feel there have been more than a few 'she's not one of US' comments) who have said/done things to their very happy, very cared for, very loved dc that they deeply regret.
Do we, their friends, gasp? Report them to the police? No we hug them and say don't worry this is what WE did, don't beat yourself up, you fucked up. Now let's have a glass of wine and a laugh about the trials, tribulations and sometimes failures of being a mum. Then we'll go about the business of being as good a parent as we can be tomorrow.
Anyway you all carry on with your hilarious in jokes.
Why am I so angry? Because you have hurt people's feelings and made them feel inadequate when they are NOT.

Boyngirl - you are so, so wrong. They are inadequate if they:

Swear at (notice AT not necessarily around) their children. That is horrible, abusive behaviour and I'm not afraid to say it.

Don't take their children to school and ask their children to lie about it because they have a hangover. Ditto above.

Sing 'nanny is a c**t' to their baby. Just disgusting.

If you think that's ok then great, lovely, there's nothing I can say to change your mind.

I'm not smug or unhelpful I just think you need to draw a line in the sand and stand up for what you believe in. Which in my opinion (and I thought everyone else's) was that you do not call your (or any child) child a 'fucking shit'. 'fucking bitch' etc etc. If I'm wrong and that's normal then I'm very, very sorry to live in this world.

You are 'so so' wrong if you don't know that millions of great, caring parents have said inappropriate things, including swear words, to their kids on occasion. What world DO you live in?

If you think anyone is condoning swearing at their kids (I haven't read every post but have skimmed most and all this 'fucking bitch' stuff is a gross exaggeration - I think one said it. My own post has been exaggerated and misquoted throughout) then you are 'so, so wrong'. Bad parenting moments happen to good parents.

I am not perfect because I just gave my 5yo DS a pound for cleaning up "anything that could possibly be rubbish in the whole house".

He then negotiated another pound for sorting out the washing.

Now if the child could cook and do the ironing I would be very very happy. If he was tall enough to handle the broom he would be doing that too.

These threads always go this way. You can be a great parent and still have your moments and that is what I thought this one was about.

I live in a world where I don't call my parents, boss, strangers etc 'fucking bitches / shits'. Funnily enough. So why should I call my children that?

I think my post made it perfectly clear that I'm talking about the posters that (do I really have to write all this again?!) call their children 'fucking shits' 'fucking bitches' say 'for fucks sake hurry up' every morning, or can't take their child to school due to a hangover, or sing 'nana is a c**t' to their baby. And no it wasn't just one, it was quite a few, plus quite a few who didn't see anything wrong with it.

If you think those things are ok then IMO (obviously I can't speak for anyone else) you're not a very good parent.

Morloth - I think it was. I could add lots of I'm a bit crap because I fruitshoots/sausage rolls/bribery etc, as I'm sure we all could. However, I didn't think it was right that people were posting things that I really think are wrong and abusive. Yucky.

I really don't get this judgy stuff at all...I just don't feel that entitled to judge how other people deal with their kids-specially when I don't know them/their circumstances!

(I might think a thing or two but I wouldn't say/post it)

It's that DM "why oh why" business, isn't it. Don't like it at all.

...can't mn give it its own topic??just call it "judgemums" so the rest of us can swerve it

Not sure.... I suppose I have a line, judging over beans on toast, no of course not, pyjamas on school run, I don't care, wear what you like. Swearing at your children and the other things I mentioned I think as a culture we should judge that, in the same way we'd judge racism, homophobia etc, because its wrong and surely we're allowed to say its wrong without being tarred with the same brush as the (spits on floor) Daily Mail?

But say you had a parent who in every other respect tried to be the very best parent they could be - lots of cuddles and positive attention, home-cooked meals eaten together as a family, days out, reading together every night blahblahblah... everything

but they just couldn't cope with mornings and got really stressed and therefore said "ffs hurry up" every morning

do you really want to call that parent a bad parent?

I think if you only get a snapshot of something someone says they've done, and then judge it- like I say, if you don't know the person, the kids, the context etc- that's not a bit the same as judging racism or homophobia.

I'm with you Precious. The whole point of this thread is that we balls up sometimes and do the wrong thing. I would never, ever say to someone that they were a bad parent because of a throw away comment, and also not knowing their individual circumstances.

Personally, yes I'm afraid so. I just don't think you should swear at your children. And surely they don't want to either? So lots of patting on the back 'we all do it' (when we don't, many on this thread have said they don't and I don't know anyone in RL who would) isn't going to help? Giving people help/advice/suggestions with how to cope better with mornings would be better I think?

I keep bumping into you, don't I!

I just can't agree with that. I just can't see how one mistake like that (even if it is repeated) can cancel out all the good stuff.

I'm going to give up shortly I promise

I don't need to know any more than they called their child a 'fucking little shit'bitch' sang 'nana is a c&&t' to them. That's enough for me. The circumstances around it don't matter, its a horrible thing to do.

Isn't it??

Wanders off desperately searching for Shiney to help out here