that going on a night out 4 days after giving birth is a bit OTT?

[mears]

Wearing mini skirt and thigh boots and baby over an hour away at granny's overnight?

Would you?

scottishmummy, this is your standard response to aibu threads that get your goat, you are like a dog to the bone and won't stop until you've given the opening poster a right pounding.

I'm saying this to let mears know that she should not worry, she has done nothing wrong in starting this thread. She is a lovely MNer of long standing who has been helpful and supportive to many on here in the past.

LOL rent-a-mob piling in for a scrap. FIGHT FIGHT
eamnka nice you recall my threads cant say i have ever noticed yours

First time you started on me you actually made me cry, but now I just watch your antics with amusement.

controversial....

oh i see its a settling scores grudgey thing
you know what maybe no mn grudges or gripes it is only words on a screen

I have no gripes or grudges. I just don't want mears to feel as bad as I did.

and you alleviate that by jumping in and having words with me

i have no recollection of what we may or may not have said

i suggest you are holding onto this a wee bitty too much if still irks.why do you feel compeled to post for someone else

Rent-a-mob?

Dismiss it as that scottishmummy, but I haven't actually come across you , Mears or emkana before and I am not sure what you meant by replying 'yes' to my last post.

Though I am beginning to build up a picture of someone who doesn't like to be disagreed with?

mia dont assume everything is about you.the yes was to another post

Ah, well if you reply with an incoherent post confusion is to be expected

Because I have known mears for years and years (not personally).

so all the gal pals stick together.one for all y'all

is like school
oi you diss my mate you diss me

LOL

what was the yes posted in response to then?

"i don't think melanie klein would worry about a few hours away affecting attachment. nor should we"

what next..talking about going back to work i expect"

My point was not about how her being away from her baby will impact on attachment. I'm interested in the seeming absence of this woman's instinct to stay close to her newborn baby. This has really got nothing to do with propriety or with the role of mothers in wider society.

why are people supposing she has had an aberration or suspended her nurturing instincts?a few hours out does not = a neglectful mother or skewed priorities

If she has left her 4day old baby at her mums overnight by choice to have a night out then that does seem a bit odd. For myself and most people I know they wouldn't voluntarily leave their newborns overnight even if it was with their own mother who they trusted.
So by that measure, I suppose it could be viewed as an aberration in that it's outside the norm.

since when did motherhood mean no recreational or me time

if she was taking the baby out on the lash id have something to say

if she chooses to make an informed choice and make adequate safe provision for her baby i think as an adult that is up to her

It's up to her - her choice. No harm done. But that doesn't mean that it doesn't seem a bit odd to a lot of people who couldn't imagine being able to do the same thing.
Doesn't mean it's wrong, just different to how a lot of other new mums feel and so could seem odd.

Not sure why reluctance to leaving a 4day old baby equates with motherhood meaning no recreational or me time.

yes i completely understand the ouch factor from others,and that for many it defies social convention.

however i would always advocate for an adult to be empowered to make an informed safe choice.even if it is against majority opinion

the rub here is,motherhood carries connotations of certain things are permissible,certain things are deviant.
the new mum has largely been assigned deviant status here

"since when did motherhood mean no recreational or me time"

Stop trying to turn this into an spat about competitive mothering or women martyring themselves for their children. This has got nothing to do with that.

Like it or not we're mammals, and when it comes to birth and its aftermath generally we behave like mammals. Keeping your newborn close is normal, instinctive behaviour - as most of the responses on this thread will attest to. This mother lacks that instinct to keep her newborn baby close to her. Either that or she's denying it in order to prove a point - maybe to herself or to the people around her. To me that signifies something.

have no idea what competitive mothering is.i do however beleive if a woman wishes to go out 4days post birth she is not defying nature or putting baby at risk

I find it a bit sad that a new mother would leave a 4 day old baby for 24 hours so she could go drinking.And the worst thing is so many MNers think it's OK.!!
.A few days ago i posted about a family where the parents went on several holidays a year but couldn't afford to take some of their children away at all , all year.
the human race (or any species) has survived by putting the needs of the offspring before their own wants and desires
I wonder what the fall out of this selfish new way of thinking is going to be .

scottishmummy - was it you out 4 days PP with thigh high boots on?!

I don't think anyone has said that what the new mum has done shouldn't be permitted. But believing that she is old enough to know what she is doing and that what she is doing isn't wrong per se doesn't mean that people won't still find it odd as it isn't the norm. As it isn't the norm , then in that sense it is deviant or aberrant behaviour.