To think that health professionals should not call me MUM

[Reallytired]

DD had her jabs today and the nurse kept on calling me "Mum" even though I said to her that I did not want her to call me "Mum". I told her that it was a biological impossiblity that I was her mother.

I have two children and I am happy for me to call me Mum, but I do have a proper name and I think health professionals should use it.

I agree with you aitch.

Complaints from patients will also help though - I promise you they are listened to. All NHS departments have a policy and they are discussed in meetings.

okay, i will. i think my reluctance to write a letter, though, comes from teh fact that i think it's a bit unfair not to bring it up with the person first (as they may be completely unaware).

but they're just always so desperate to get the jags done and out the door, and tbh dd1 is already quite scared enough of the GP's surgery so i don't want to risk 'having words' in front of dd. i suspect our hv staff (an ever-changing band of women) are of the old-fashioned 'don't be ridiculous' variety and tbh judging by this thread i think it might be awkward.

what do you think? don't you think it's a bit shitty to write a letter without having said something first?

No, not shitty at all. The vast majority of complaints occur this way.

oh. okay. it just seems a bit two-faced to me, iykwim?

Nah - your reasons for not doing it at the time are logical and acceptable, I reckons.

I have read a bit of this thread and feel that I should add my bit.

I think loobylu3 has been very restrained and polite in her responses to posts which I also found to be bullying in nature. I thought she presented her views in a very coherent and balanced manner.

I am of the camp that would not mind being called ?mum?. Actually, it does not happen, but if it did, I would not mind. I suppose that I am quite a confident person and do not have the view that the other person is being patronising or on a power trip. My experiences of the NHS are somewhat limited as I see my consultants and GP privately. However, I was in an NHS hospital for a (private) operation that my baby needed when he was only a few weeks old. My concerns would have been that I had some of the top people working on him, the statistics for the procedure etc. How I was being addressed at such a traumatic time (for me) just did not register (in fact, the staff involved in the procedure and care were excellent and very kind).

However, if I really had an issue with how I was being addressed, I would not be passive and let it pass. I would challenge it then and there. I would tell the person politely that I would prefer to be called instead of . If the person were to ignore my request, then I would ask what the problem was. If no satisfactory answer were forthcoming, then I would say that I would take the matter further in writing. And I would. I am of the opinion that if something really offends ? take the initiative and do something effective. Write to the CEO of the trust if you feel this is a major issue, take it up with your MP.

As I said earlier, I do not experience a problem with how HCPs address me.

I do think aitch that it is rather two faced to complain without bringing it up with the person concerned. It is easy to correct someone if you do not like how they address you at the time - if they proceed to ignore your request to address you differently then that imo is different.

I dont know if you realised when you wrote it but "an ever changing band of women" really sounds derogatory. There are reasons for this and it is to do with the way NHS managers are reorganising primary care services. It is country wide and leading to significant problems with continuity of patient care and low staff morale. If you are persistently being called mum (not a practice I condone) it is because they do not have the opportunity to get to know their patients.

I would suggest however that if you do put in a complaint that you also complain that your hv's are forever changing. The pct's need to know that their patients are not happy with the policy and that it is having a detrimental effect on the therapeutic relationship (being called mum). Unfortunately many pct's are not listening to the concerns of their staff at the moment so letters of complaint from patients as to how this is affecting them can be more effective.

aitch and snapple et al as concerned members of the public you can

write to your local nhs trust and make suggestions eg appropriate and sensitive use of language.
become involved in pct and/or nhs as governors
attend meetings open to member of public
agitate and campaign
write to various professional bodies,as keen and interested members of public

would you consider that?

I can't speak for the others SM, and I have only posted a couple of times on this thread, but I am already on the patient charter (or whatever it is called) for the hospital that we attend with DS2, and should the opportunity arise I would bring it up.

Riven has already stated that she is on a similar thing at her local hospital and they have indeed already instigated a movement for change.

I can see why this is seen as minor and of course in comparison to the treatment/ care my son recieves it is, but it is true to say that those that speak to me using my name, and making good eye contact are the ones that I trust the most. They are also usually the ones that understand that I know a lot about my son's syndrome and they can speak to me as though I have a brain in my head.

FWIW I hadn't thought of it as anything other than thoughtless and annoying but I can see why others may see it as a power trip.

"It is easy to correct someone if you do not like how they address you at the time."

hmm. it's not that easy, at least in the sense of 'do you know this may actively be pissing people off' vs 'i'd prefer you call me aitch, thanks'. and i don't know that there's much point in even addressing it without it being the first tbh.

and no, an ever changing band of women isn't at all derogatory, it's just factual. they come from all over the place to give jags, where we are, but that's not down to the way they're managed so much as the fact that two of the local hvs are on mat leave. i'm not sure we live under the same health system, do we?

tbh them calling me 'mum' is a choice they've made at some point in their careers, it's got nothing to do with not knowing me personally, so i think that the NHS politics is a bit of a side issue here.

and would i attend public meetings filled with hcps and raise this as an issue? you've read the thread and seen the positive, embracing way that the hcps have dealt with it, so what do you think?

btw, any 'bullying', please report it. it's against mumsnet rules and they'll delete posts and send an email to the poster concerned.

so issue raiser on mn,but unwilling to actually do anything?because dem big power grabbin baw heided hcp will all bully you

well given your hectoring and bad manners on this thread i couldn't imagine you unable to speak up. or are you only so emboldened at a keyboard?

you erroneously assume you will be dis-empowered,ignored.with no factual basis to support that assertion.

the meetings are trust board, public representative,union.other interested parties. very tame,cordial and they hope to encourage a useful dialogue

I think it's the way in which things are discussed that is key. I believe in leading by example, in the hope that the good will rub off. Good practice etc

I don't feel bullying is occuring on this thread.. and I'm a hcp

aitch you are missing the point re NHS politics. It is very much a part of that. I do indeed live under the same nhs, use it as a parent and work for a pct. I have the advantage (or not at times) of seeing this from several perspectives.

The nhs can cover mat leave with temporary posts if they want - they dont always want as managers think they can save money this way. your attitudes suggest that this has not been beneficial for your care. You may well have hv that are under a lot of stress and very time constrained. If they are going in calling you mum because this is a time saver and they dont have time, you are hardly likely to start seeking support from them. I know I wouldn't.

The NHS in the past, and in some ways still is, very patriarchal. It should not be the case now but the only way to change this is to get involved.

sm what is your problem? You are carrying over an awful lot of bad feeling from one thread to another towards aitch. It is very uncomfortable.

po,i have contributed to this thread on/off,it is a cantankerous thread all right. as for having a particular bone of contention with any particular poster. nope, so dont speculate or look for nuances that aren't there. i suggest maybe you are trying to go off at tangent, id prefer to remain on topic

i suggest you peruse the thread see i am not the only person to on an occasion disagree with atich

and she has certainly not held back too

so shall you be addressing comments to any of them.or just me

Hmmmmm. Wasn't going to come back to this thread, but then something happened today which made me want to return.

I went for my smear test today (apologies for TMI, but it is relevant!). I had DS2 (5 months) with me, asleep in his car seat. Nurse was nervous and obviously not very experienced, and found it tricky to find the cervix, and after much faffing around, called in the Practice Nurse to help.

Now bear in mind that Nervous Nurse (I do know her name even though she didn't introduce herself, but obviously won't post it here!) has not addressed me as anything throughout. Which is fine, because I'm the only other adult in the room, and DS2 is asleep, so I know she's talking to me.

Practice Nurse comes in, and doesn't introduce herself at all. I know her name, because she did DS1's jabs on Friday, and I've seen her many times in the 6 years I've been at this surgery.

She has a go at the whole business, and it's all taking a long time, and then she says 'Are you ok there Mum?'.

Now bear in mind that I'm not exactly in a dignified position, so I don't correct her. It's a bit tricky when you've got your legs in the air and really you'd like them to JUST GET ON WITH IT SO YOU CAN GO HOME.

But really, how lazy was that? Yes, my son was in the room, but it was MY APPOINTMENT. He was completely irrelevant to the whole proceedings. And if you're poking round someone's nether regions with a speculum, doesn't it seem courteous to address by name? Or in fact, 'Are you ok there?' would have been fine, it would have been obvious it was me she was talking to.

She said it many times throughout the aeon it took to do this god awful procedure. And it made me feel a bit crap, so I can only imagine how it must be for someone who is in hospital for a long time, with a seriously ill child.

So calling people Mum is clearly just a habit for this Practice Nurse. And IMVHO, it's a habit that needs to disappear from the NHS as a whole.

As you were.

Flipping nora!

what freshhell that really is bad - professionally and socially. And quite lazy actually - no I cant think of any excuses for that. So you won't be seeing her again I take it

blimey, freshhell, that is baaaaaad.

sm, don't be coy, you follow me round all the time. i annoyed you once because i called your posting style confucian, you've never got over it and now we have this angry little flirtation thing, where you come on and rant about me being ghastly etc and i try to bat you off and get on with the thread in hand. but yes, it is cute of you to protest otherwise, kinda makes me fond of you actually.

and i have so far complained to the head of the hospital i was at, and was discussing with mrsmick and nellie the best way to go about bringing it up with my local practice, so... give the citizen smith bit a rest, eh?

nellie, are hvs going to be phased out anyway? i'm sure i read something about that somewhere, don't know if it's goiing to happen or not.

aitch,i follow no one.i post about posts not posters

many people have called my posts many things on MN.

I haven't seen anything about that in the nursing press aitch - think I would have noticed the furore would be worse than a mn thread What they are desperately concerned about is staff shortages and increasing workload. There is a big campaign on at present to get the government to fund increasing the numbers. To ease the pressure some areas have introduced hv assistants who are still qualified nurses but haven't done hv training so work under the hv.

i am SURE i saw something. i'm hitting google. i may be some time.

maybe all lined up and shot for saying mum?

If they phase out hv what are we going to fill 32 pages on mn talking about?

i've just noticed it sm on occasion, I don't have any personal grievance against you, but I have noticed it. [not meant to be a passive aggressive smiley]As you were.