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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that health professionals should not call me MUM

843 replies

Reallytired · 21/08/2009 19:34

DD had her jabs today and the nurse kept on calling me "Mum" even though I said to her that I did not want her to call me "Mum". I told her that it was a biological impossiblity that I was her mother.

I have two children and I am happy for me to call me Mum, but I do have a proper name and I think health professionals should use it.

OP posts:

Ponders · 21/08/2009 20:53

You might not be mrs, miss or ms smith, true, but also you might not be the child's mother at all - might be aunt, granny, big sister, childminder or some other significant adult.

They should establish that you are mum before they start calling you it (even though they shouldn't be calling you mum at all, but ykwim )

vinblanc · 21/08/2009 20:53

I really don't mind when people refer to me as mum.

I wouldn't want them to address me by my first name. I would be happy for them to address me by Mrs xxx, but I think this can be a minefield for them as not everyone is Mrs same-surname-as-child nowadays, and actually get offended if it assumed.

OrangeFish · 21/08/2009 20:53

To be honest, they hardly have time to read your notes (actually, I have noticed far too many times that they haven't), forget about working out with every patient if you are Mrs or Ms, or if your child is carrying the surname of the father or yours.

Considering the amount of cases they have to see in a day, something makes me think that the fact they still can identify me as a "Mum", after 12 hrs shifts, is a bonus

IdontMN2makecopyforlazyjournos · 21/08/2009 20:55

Meh. It's just not a big deal.

The first person ever to do it was the paediatrician doing DS's checks before we could take him home from the post natal ward, and frankly I was a cockahoop that finally it was possible to refer to me as a mum. Didn't give a toss.

OrangeFish · 21/08/2009 20:57

Vinblanc, you are right, I am often called Mrs ExH'sSurname. I just let it pass, If I correct them there's a risk they may end up looking for little Master MySurname, which obviously, they are not going to find.

In any case, I do not notice the staff names either.

tethersend · 21/08/2009 20:58

YANBU.

The worst one I had was a MW calling me 'mummy' after the birth of my dd. When she went on to rhyme it with 'tummy', I asked her to leave before I committed a terrible crime.

scottishmummy · 21/08/2009 21:02

frankly you all read way too much into this.if conspiracy theorists want to infer gobbledegook about subjugation,power, transactional dynamics,blah blah. you knock your self out

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 21/08/2009 21:11

YABU, she was just doing her job and prob trying to be friendly and you would have embarrassed her.
I am a minority but I like being called mum, i adore my dd and am happy to be referred to as her mummy.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 21/08/2009 21:13

x-posted with the rockin scottishmummy there,agree with her totally.

ellielou02 · 21/08/2009 21:18

LOL scottishmummy
I think yababu, I am a health professional and do ask every patient what they would like me to call them and abetadad I never ask anyone to call me nurse its ellie but there are time when I am stressed and maybe forget what my patient is called as I am busy reading vital signs whilst procedures are being carried out I then look at the notes and may say the wrong name (ie persons proper name) in the heat of the moment, this may be the 20th person I have met during the first half of my day
The nurse as others have said may have just been trying to calm your daughter but I dont think she would have meant to offend you.

MillyR · 21/08/2009 21:26

Ellie, I don't want to be called Mum. Lots of other people don't want to be called Mum. Why don't you just stop doing it?

Lots of people work with the public without feeling the need to call them Mum.

beckysharp · 21/08/2009 21:29

"there are time when I am stressed and maybe forget what my patient is called as I am busy reading vital signs whilst procedures are being carried out I then look at the notes and may say the wrong name "

Blimey, what else might you get wrong if you're in that much of a state?!

frakkinpannikinAGRIPPA · 21/08/2009 21:30

If it bothered me it would be because I don't like 'Mum' as an abbreviation, so something like staring glacially at them and then saying "it's mummy-dearest or Mamma, Mum" would probably be my preferred course of action.

I have had a nurse call me 'Mum' before and I was the nanny. I looked very confused and babbled something like "oh, you mean me? I'm not her mother and actually her mother's never called Mum, I'm the nanny and what was it you wanted me to do?!"

JulesJules · 21/08/2009 21:33

I don't think YABU, I hate this too.

donkeyderby · 21/08/2009 21:33

I don't like it, it sounds twee and patronising. I'd rather be called 'Love' if it's too difficult to remember my name, but that's been banned from hospital lingo last I heard.

ellielou02 · 21/08/2009 21:38

millyr I never said i called anyone mum
becky what i meant was if patient name is pat but likes to be called sarah, I may say pat for example but I dont make a habit of it as I said in my post I do ask everyone what they like to be called and endevour to do this, but I dont forget anything else.

nannynick · 21/08/2009 21:39

It annoys me as well - it is assumed that I'm dad. Once corrected though, people do tend to refer to me correctly. So I do think the nurse was wrong to keep on calling you Mum after the first time.

Peabody · 21/08/2009 21:41

I agree with the OP. I hate being called 'mum' by the health visitor.

preggersplayspop · 21/08/2009 21:50

I think you are over-reacting. I don't mind it at all. I'd rather they were focusing on my child and making them feel comfortable than trying to remember everybody's name that passes through their surgery.

Nighbynight · 21/08/2009 21:55

yabu, it is no big deal.

TheMysticMasseuse · 21/08/2009 21:57

YANBU. I hate it too and it drives me mad i keep wanting to answer back " I'm not YOUR mum"

AitchwonderswhoFruitCrumbleis · 21/08/2009 21:59

we had a big thread about this fairly recently, i couldn't agree more RT it's absolutely no effort for them to call you by your name (as they are doing with your child) and agree with abetadad it's a power grab.

in the last thread i emailed a very, very senior doctor in the country where i live and he totally said it was a power thing, and not to believe any hcp who said different.

simplesusan · 21/08/2009 22:05

YABU on one level but I can see your point. It doesn't bother me to be referred to as Mum in front of my children by someone who doesn't know me well.
On the other hand it drove me nuts when I was in labour and the midwife kept referring to my dh as my "partner". No he is not and has never been my partner. He was first my boyfriend, then my fiancee and now (and many years before dd was born) my husband. so yes if it annoys you then YANBU too.

Mumcentreplus · 21/08/2009 22:05

I just don't frickin CARE ..ffs..Yes I'm a mum and if someone calls me mum I really don't find it insulting...

vinblanc · 21/08/2009 22:07

I do hate when people refer to DH as my partner.

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