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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think people who do this are selfish twats?!

158 replies

motherbeyond · 20/08/2009 13:14

take the sofa's in places like costa,when there are only one or maybe two of them?god,it annoys the hell out of me.
i come in with kids hanging off me..pram/double..buggy board..nappy bags..and mother! the only place to stick the pram is by the sofas.the only area with enough space to sit comfortably with everyone is the sofa area.but.fucking.no...there's some old bloody biddy nursing a luke warm americano.aaarrghhh.

i went into our local(coffee house..not pub!!) the other day and there was a guy sitting on one sofa(30 ish..slob-like).i had usual baggage and said "excuse me,is anyone sitting here?"

he replied " my wife is going to sit there" and looked away.

"oh,right" i said..thinking,why cant she sit on the sofa next to you and we'll have the other?! just rude.

if there's only one or two of you.sit at a table,with two chairs!

OP posts:
moondog · 20/08/2009 13:17

I wouldn't go anywhere where I have ot fight to sit and enjoy myself and pay for the privilege.
However, in your case, next time you are in this situation, don't ask, just do and when a similar arse says 'Excuse me someone is sitting there' say 'I know. Me.'

stubbyfingers · 20/08/2009 13:19

YABU

It's tough shit I'm afraid. You should have got there at opening time to stake your claim on the best sofas. You are not the only person who likes to be comfy!

preggersplayspop · 20/08/2009 13:21

Its dog eat dog when it comes to the sofas in coffee shop. You can't blame other people for grabbing them when they are free, being a mum doesn't give you first dibs on them!

Original poster
motherbeyond · 20/08/2009 13:21

moondog,am quite brave,but maybe wouldn't be that brave! i'd love to do it though! problem is, i live in a small village,the nearest town only has 1 coffee house.so when kids need drink/feed/change..not much choice

OP posts:
GetOrfMoiLand · 20/08/2009 13:22

YABU. First come, first served. Why not go somewhere else where there is space next to the tables as well.

GypsyMoth · 20/08/2009 13:23

yabu!

how about if when the 'old biddy' arrived,the sofa was just being vacated and was only place to sit? should she then get up and move when a smaller place becomes vacant? really?

and the man? why would he want you and all your kids opposite him when he may just want a bit of time with his wife/friend,without worrying too much about where he sits?

mothers with prams do not take priority.

ComeOVeneer · 20/08/2009 13:24

More likely he didn't want kids around him I'm afraid. I agree it is first come first served.

Original poster
motherbeyond · 20/08/2009 13:25

i disagree stubby and preggers..although as i posted here obviously you are allowed to disagree with me!

if i had no kids, i would def give up a sofa to someone who needed more space/looked like they were struggling.

id feel a bit of a git if my dh and i were hogging a potential 6 seats while a family were jammed in at a table. would take all the pleasure out of my skinny latte and choc muffin!

OP posts:
itsmeolord · 20/08/2009 13:26

YABU simply because it is a public place and there is no requirement for anyone to give up their quiet coffee and a chat/read of a newspaper etc on a sofa simply because you have arrived.

The coffee house is not a bus, there are no priority seats for those with pushchairs etc.

And your description of the elderly lady is just plain rude.

KnickKnack · 20/08/2009 13:27

yabu

having kids does not entitle someone to more comfortable seating

GypsyMoth · 20/08/2009 13:28

selfish twats??

hmm.....i guess alot of them look at you arriving with kids,in a coffee shop where kids can't DO anything,food/drink is aimed at adults,and hot coffee is on all surfaces......wonder if they look at you,the kids,the limited space,and think 'selfish twat'?...putting herself first,never mind the poor kids!

then again,coffee.....vital isn't it!? keeps you going and keeps ya sane!

bethoo · 20/08/2009 13:29

sorry but i would have sat down anyway!
people can spend 'quality' time withe their other halves anywhere!
and it is not so much dog eat dog and hospitality and politeness.
yabu thinking you have priority but that does not stop you from just plonking all your stuff on a sofa next to someone as they do not take priority over a whole sofa either!

Original poster
motherbeyond · 20/08/2009 13:29

idont readthe dailymail
wouldn't have minded so much if he and his wife even SPOKE once during the whole time they were there..they just sat in silence.maybe that's why they didnt want to sit next to each other.

plus,im not saying mums with prams take priority,but surely,you see one person struggling,your natural instinct would not be 'well you can fuck off,first come first served,and now my arse has molded itself to this sofa,i ain't moving?" nice

OP posts:
AMumInScotland · 20/08/2009 13:30

YABU Why shouldn't I sit where I want in a cafe? Why should I have to sit up at a table if a sofa is free, just because I've gone in by myself and without a horde of children?

If I see someone struggling, and could easily move to make room, then I probably would. But because I choose to try to be helpful, not because they have some right to expect it.

The old biddy may have very painful joints and find the hard chairs uncomfortable.

You could have sat next to the man on the soaf, and the children on half of the opposite sofa ... that might have prompted him to suggest a swap.

jybay · 20/08/2009 13:31

YAB completely U

I often give up my place to a family if I'm by myself but that is my choice. You are not entitled to expect it. We're talking about a coffee shop, ffs, not some life or death essential service.

It is your sort of misguided sense of entitlement that gives motherhood a bad name. The "old biddy" (that will be you one day") may have hip or back problems and need to sit on a sofa to be comfortable.

Thunderduck · 20/08/2009 13:31

YABU.

lisad123wantsherquoteinDM · 20/08/2009 13:31

Im sorry but if there is a sofa free for me to sit and drink my tea, I'll take it, rather than sit there and think "best not sit there incase some mother with her bunch wants to sit down"

Sit at the table like everyone else, or do takeaway and go and find a grass spot in the park

kathyis6incheshigh · 20/08/2009 13:31

More sympathy re the man than the 'old biddy'. Taking up 2 sofas when there are only 2 of you is selfish. However older people so often have back trouble, knee trouble, etc that you wouldn't be aware of just through looking at them so I think a bit of extra consideration for old people is required.
However I would also have no compunction about plonking myself & family down next to the old lady and if the noise and disturbance outweighs her need for a comfy seat she can move.

violethill · 20/08/2009 13:31

Totally agree with knickknack.

Your choice to have kids, why should anyone else have to give up a comfy seat just so you can have it?

I well remember the days of trailing around with twin pushchair plus toddler - it can be cumbersome but I wouldn't have assumed I had priority for the sofas in costa!!

Why is that some people think that giving birth suddenly gives them this huge sense of entitlement? Get over yourself.

GypsyMoth · 20/08/2009 13:34

lol at the husband and wife though!! maybe she was a MNer,judging by the amount of marital probs in 'relationships'lately!!

belgo · 20/08/2009 13:34

YABU.

Buy yourself a decent thermos flask and sit on a bench somewhere. A coffee shop is supposed to decrease your stress, not increase it.

Thunderduck · 20/08/2009 13:34

It isn't just the elderly who may have back or knee trouble. Anyone could have such issues and you'd never be able to tell just by looking at them.

Besides they are entitled to the comfortable seats as you are. First come first served.

Original poster
motherbeyond · 20/08/2009 13:36

itsmeolord are you an old biddy too? sorry!

idontreadthedailymail...not aimed at kids?!1babycino? mini muffins? my 3 year old BEGS to go to costa!!..and re the hot coffee thing? c'mon,youre clutching at straws there!but,in our little costa (as i have said the only place to sit and re group!) the sofa's are also at the back in a corner,so,no one walks past with hot drinks and i block the 'escape route' between the two sofa's with my pram (not in anyone's way!) so then ther's a bit of walking about safely room,for the dc's

OP posts:
MrsBadger · 20/08/2009 13:37

yabu

they have paid for their coffees too

how many 'old bloody biddies' or 'slobby 30-something men' are fuming about the feckless mothers who overrun the coffee shops with their prams and buggyboards and screaming kids?

get over yourself

welshone51 · 20/08/2009 13:38

I think you are being unreasonable- as annoying as it is you should not expect people to give up their seats for you especially as the old lady may have a lot more need for the comfort of a sofa than you- It never crosses my mind to think people should move for me as everyone should have a right to sit where they like. I wouldnt like someone to make those horrible judgements about me just because I sat down to relax in a coffe shop where I paid to have a drink.