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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think people who do this are selfish twats?!

158 replies

motherbeyond · 20/08/2009 13:14

take the sofa's in places like costa,when there are only one or maybe two of them?god,it annoys the hell out of me.
i come in with kids hanging off me..pram/double..buggy board..nappy bags..and mother! the only place to stick the pram is by the sofas.the only area with enough space to sit comfortably with everyone is the sofa area.but.fucking.no...there's some old bloody biddy nursing a luke warm americano.aaarrghhh.

i went into our local(coffee house..not pub!!) the other day and there was a guy sitting on one sofa(30 ish..slob-like).i had usual baggage and said "excuse me,is anyone sitting here?"

he replied " my wife is going to sit there" and looked away.

"oh,right" i said..thinking,why cant she sit on the sofa next to you and we'll have the other?! just rude.

if there's only one or two of you.sit at a table,with two chairs!

OP posts:
MarshaBrady · 20/08/2009 16:07

YABU

The poor woman had probably saved up all week for a really nice quiet, enjoyable coffee at Costa while sitting on a SOFA.

Maybe she waited half an hour for it.

It doesn't mean that just because you walk in with loads of bags, nappies, prams, and children mean that she has to give this up.

Rachmumoftwo · 20/08/2009 16:17

OP YABVVU!

Why should you be more entitled to a sofa than anyone else?

TheFallenMadonna · 20/08/2009 16:28

You put small children at the table to eat and drink. Children and drinks and sofas don't go.

Roomfor2 · 20/08/2009 16:35

FWIW - I think some people are being a little harsh, talking about preferential treatment, etc. It is about the space, not the type of seat. A family of 3 or 4 plus pushchairs needs more space than a couple. Simple maths.

It just happens that the sofas are the only area big enough to house a family/pushchairs, according to the description.

I really don't think she was suggesting she should be given the comfy seats just cos she has her kids with her!!!!

EyeballsintheSky · 20/08/2009 16:36

It is annoying when, as part of a group of 6 and two babies we go in and see one person hogging the sofas. It's a space issue rather than parental entitlement. But if the other sofa is free I'd definitely sit on it. People always seem to think that the sofas go together and the lone person on one side also owns the opposite one. His wife can sit next to him fgs.

Roomfor2 · 20/08/2009 16:37

And in all fairness, it is annoying when 2 people take up the only large table in a place, despite plenty of empty 2-seater tables around...

Yes, perhaps unreasonable to expect them to move or whatever, but still annoying, nonetheless.

Bigmouthstrikesagain · 20/08/2009 16:37

Yes wouldn't it be lovely to live in continental Europe where people like children, the cages are plentiful and spacious etc etc.

Still I have 3 children age 5 and under and tend to avoid cafe's now as aside from the huge expense, stress and dirty looks I never find a large enough table inside at busy times. Whereas parks are free and you can eat your own food there! What's not to like?

So yabu.

MorrisZapp · 20/08/2009 16:44

YABU.

I'm really sorry but speaking as a childless person who enjoys peace etc I could not give a hoot where you and your kids sit. It's entirely up to you to take care of that.

When did coffee shops get declared unofficial nurseries anyway?

As for a couple wanting to sit on a sofa but not talk - wtf? 'Only talkative couples allowed on the soft furnishings'??

I know that being a parent is often a struggle and I do try to be helpful when I see people struggling but christ, when it's expected on this level and childless people get slagged off for enjoying a relaxing coffee on seats that were available to them when they arrived it does raise one's blood pressure somewhat.

EyeballsintheSky · 20/08/2009 16:44

On another point though, either MN attracts the most considerate people or some of you aren't being entirely honest. Not one of you who said the op was BU would honestly tut and have a little internal sulk if you encountered that situation? I've never met so
many paragons of virtue. None of you live in London obviously as it's dog eat dog there!

MarshaBrady · 20/08/2009 16:47

Yes and as someone who does have one child (and another on it's way) if I go to a coffee shop without my ds and happen to get a sofa I wouldn't give up that space and peace just because a large group came bumbling in.

No siree bob.

MarshaBrady · 20/08/2009 16:48

its

duchesse · 20/08/2009 16:59

YABU. You must realise that. You don't get special privileges because of having a cumbersome pushchair.

random · 20/08/2009 17:03

I have a little sulk when I'm on my break at work if I can't get a comfy chair...damn those paying customers

Bigmouthstrikesagain · 20/08/2009 17:03

Eyeballs speaking as someone who did use to frequent London cafe's - of course I would sulk internally in op position but I have enough insight to realise it would be entirely unreasonable to say anything in such a situation.

The two positions are not mutually exclusive.

EyeballsintheSky · 20/08/2009 17:03

If I was on my own it wouldn't occur to me to sit on the sofas. Arm chairs yes but I would never take up the sofas, I'd feel too guilty.

Mumcentreplus · 20/08/2009 17:10

Such is life...I would give up the sofa if I noticed a harrassed mum with brood ..but not everyone is the same ...so tough titty!

TheDMshouldbeRivened · 20/08/2009 17:12

people tend to budge up for me.

expatinscotland · 20/08/2009 17:13

PMSL! Good one, moony! I'm filing that away for future reference!

TheDMshouldbeRivened · 20/08/2009 17:15

'And in all fairness, it is annoying when 2 people take up the only large table in a place, despite plenty of empty 2-seater tables around...

Yes, perhaps unreasonable to expect them to move or whatever, but still annoying, nonetheless.'

I just join them. Gneerally no-one says a word.

expatinscotland · 20/08/2009 17:20

I do, too, Riven!

Ditto people who go to a theatre or similar venue and strew their coats and bags all over a row of seats.

I pick them up and say, 'Here's your bag/jacket/coat,' and when they sniff, 'That seat is taken,' I tell them, 'Yep, it sure is!' and park my bum right in it.

I really do.

MorrisZapp · 20/08/2009 17:26

Expat, what do you do with your kids and/or friends and/or mother etc when you all go to the theatre and one of you needs the loo, or has to pop off for drinks?

Do you just give the seat up and tell them to spend the rest of the performance sitting alone?

I've never heard anything like it.

If somebody picked up my DPs jacket and said 'I'm sitting here' in a theatre I'd assume they were actually mad!.

violethill · 20/08/2009 17:27

Yeap that's another good one expat. You get those groups don't you, where they send one poor bugger along early to strew coats along an entire row, while the rest of the party are off in the pub, expecting to saunter in at the last minute and have the front row!

You have to laugh in some ways, but on a serious note, where does that bizarre sense of entitlement originate? Are some people born with it? Do they catch it from their parents?
Has anyone actually ever told them they aren't actually more important than the rest of mankind!

MorrisZapp · 20/08/2009 17:29

Although I do concede that people who don't fill the rows in fringe venues should be horsewhipped.

They know it's a sell out, wtf do they leave two seats empty then sit down, or worse, plonk themselves in the middle of the row? madness.

expatinscotland · 20/08/2009 17:29

'Expat, what do you do with your kids and/or friends and/or mother etc when you all go to the theatre and one of you needs the loo, or has to pop off for drinks?'

Ah, but see, they're not. They're reserving seats for people who haven't shown up with their own stuff. It's not other peoples' stuff, it's their own.

And if they think I'm potty, well, I am, so I'm not bothered.

MaggieBeauLeo · 20/08/2009 17:32

No I don't think they are selfish. You could sit next to them. THere's no rule that you have to let them have the entire sofa.

ANd I remember what it was like before I had kids. I felt entitled to you know, fresh air and stuff. The World should be more accommodating to children but people without children shouldn't be expected to sit on an old tea chest.