Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think that no men really, truly do like and appreciate a fat woman?

260 replies

fedupintheoffice · 11/08/2009 21:40

I mean, why would they?

I'm a 21 stone, size 28. I haven't had a boyfriend for nearly 2 years. I find that men are really grossed out by my flabs. What man in his right mind would choose someone like me when they can have a slim, toned beauty.

OP posts:
lavenderbongo · 12/08/2009 23:01

I had loads of issues with my wieght - mostly thanks to my Dad who believed that women should be skinny to be attractive. My Mum was very petite and skinny - I am not and never have been.
It was a revelation when I had my first boyfriend who thought my large breasts where gorgeous. Men like all types of shapes and sizes.
I like this prehistoric carving which show you exactly what a lot of men idolise in women. scienceblogs.com/notrocketscience/2009/05/prehistoric_pin-up_is_oldest_known_figurative_art.php

Kaylo · 12/08/2009 23:39

Oh my lordy - 71?? Thats gross.

Anyway, I myself am I size 22/24 dependant on clothing brand - my dh adores my body and we will shortly be trying for baby #3. I was a size 16/18 when we met but he has had no complaints about my body other than offering suggestions to fix when I moan about being a fat bugger.

I have workmates chatting me up sometimes, followed promptly by a bollocking from me!!

I have days when I think all I want is to look like Britney Spears from the neck down. but then again, my dh finds her repulsive so wouldnt win anything there would i?

He does however (much to my disgust) fancy the arse off Cheryl Cole. hate that woman.

Keep your chin up chick
Sorry to be repetitive but it's about confidence. if you feel beautiful you will act it, and people will look for all the right reasons.

discojen · 13/08/2009 00:44

in my humble opinion, (and this has probably already been mentioned) if you think you are attractive, so will others.
From experience, the nights out where I have felt like the elephant in the room (in more than 1 way!) I have not been approached, whereas the times where I have been confident, laughing with friends, etc are the times I have been chatted up by all and sundry!

Believe in yourself love!

(And Mamazon, you are gorgeous ~ )

juicyjolly · 13/08/2009 01:01

I am sad for you. Please dont think of yourself as 'fat and unattractive'.
Believe me when I tell you that my 20 stone sister (and has been so since her teens) has had more boyfriends (and offers of dates) than any of her friends who all hover around the 12 stone mark.
The reason for this, I believe, is because she is a lively, bubbly fun person to be around. I know this must sound like a load of bollox to you at the moment, but please give it a try.
Put a smile on your face, a spring in your step and just enjoy yourself.

If there are tossers out there who dont appreciate you then so what, they are just tossers after all.

Go get em girl!

mrswill · 13/08/2009 09:47

I think it does depend on beauty and body shape. My cousin is classed as clinically obese but couldnt look any different from the image of that phrase. But she has the sort of frame that makes extra weight look attractive and suited, large shoulders, big boobs and hips and has height, she really looks showstoppingly attractive.Whereas if i was the same size id look terrible as my frame is petite, and extra flab looks messy on me, iykwim. Bigger women can look just as attractive as toned slim women, but i think a lot of it is down to if a shape suits extra weight or suits being a bit slimmer. Mamazon you need to go into modelling!!

notyummy · 13/08/2009 09:55

Whilst I would agree with all the people that say confidence is key to being attractive, there is also a really important point about people's health here.

If you are very heavily overweight then I can't help thinking that the main concern should be reducing your weight - not to be skinny or because everyone should be a size 12 - but because statistically you are likely to shorten your life.

Even losing a little bit may contribute to feeling more confident and hence more attractive to the opposite sex - with the added bonus of better health.

expatinscotland · 13/08/2009 10:11

I'm a size 14/16 and my husband is fine with it. We have a very active sex life and now that he is finally going to vasectomy once he can get some time off in the Autumn, it should improve .

BUT I do need to shed some of my spare tire because I have hypertension and heart disease/heart attack running through my dad's side of the family like a blue streak and all the extra weight is on my belly. Not good healthwise for someone with tendancies like mine.

My sister is obese and now has heart disease, Type II diabetes and hypertension, all of which are improving with weigh loss through dietary changes and exercise.

I do think people focus on weight rather than size too much, however.

Muscle weighs a lot, so I tend to go by the how my clothes fit on me than scales.

I never owned a scale in my life and still don't, it's the landlord's wife's!

notyummy · 13/08/2009 10:14

Good point expat - perhaps body fat % should be used more? Would give you an indication of how much really unhealthy fat could be lurking under the clothes....

expatinscotland · 13/08/2009 10:30

% of fat much better guage than weight.

Even at my slimmest, a UK size 8, I weighed as much as a lot of people here who are taller.

But I really did have a 6-pack and Madonna-like arms.

OrmIrian · 13/08/2009 10:44

I agree with that expat. Where you carry the weight and how you carry it is important. i have thrown out my scales and now judge by how my clothes fit and how much wobbles when I run.

TiggyR · 13/08/2009 10:56

I think many men are a bit embarrassed to admit they quite like bigger girls because they have been conditioned to think that to be normal you should lust after leggy skinny gilrs with implausibly out of scale tits. They used to be in the minority, and were revered, rightly so, for being beautiful rarities. But these days anyone lucky enough to be slim and leggy can buy herself some tits so the naturally booby and curvey (with dumpy wide hips and thighs and arse to match) are at a bit of a disadvantage!

Whilst the average man doesn't like REALLY big girls, (not in our culture, anyway) they do all say they don't like stick thin, muscular over-toned anorexics either. They like soft womanly curves, even on slim girls.

Believe me, there are men out there who genuinely luuuurve big girls, you just need to look in the right places. I think the feeder thing is a bit creepy, but just an appreciation of a much fuller figure is not that rare. Search on the net for specialist dating sites, or target men from cultures that appreciate you.

Also, as everyone else has said, confidence, and making the best of yourself is a huge deal. Many men are very intimidated by girls who look conventionally perfect as they are often shallow and vain, with an ice-maiden persona and a superior sense of entitlement.
Equally, don't set your sights too high. Smile and chat to men even if they don't look like Mr Universe. They could have all the same inner doubts and feelings of low self esteem that you have, but they could turn out to be your Prince Charming.

Crablass · 13/08/2009 11:27

Just out of curiousity, did the OP ever post again?

anniemac · 13/08/2009 11:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

cupcake78 · 13/08/2009 12:00

Firstly I thing far too much emphasis is put on dress size. For somw women a size 18 is their natural size and they don't hold extra fat!! It all depends on height, frame, shape etc.

I have always been a big girl 5ft 9, Size 18-20 in top 22-24 on bottom. I would say i'm curvy rather that fat ie I have boobs, a small waist and big bum. I have never had any problem attracting men infact it can become a pain in the bum when they don't just bugger off!

I know it is all down to confidence, self-belief and being happy with who you are and realising having hang ups makes you normal, everyone has them! The older I get the less I can about what others think of me and the more attention I get. There has to be something in that!

I would hate to be classed as a talking cocktail stick and love having a shape! Saying that, what I would give for legs up to my armpits!

anniemac · 13/08/2009 12:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

anniemac · 13/08/2009 12:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Mamazon · 13/08/2009 12:04

this is my most favourate thread ever.

check me out, the Kate Moss of MN.

candyfluff · 13/08/2009 12:41

im overweight dress size 18-20
ive only ever had two fella's and they both loved my big bum and boobies.
although that said i wouldnt go for a fat guy have no idea why really i just like thin guys?

mamzon -your beautiful

Peabody · 13/08/2009 12:47

I think good grooming has a lot to do with it. If you are slim, you can have a scruffy look going on and still be sexy. If you are bigger, I don't think the scruffy look is right for you - you have to have good hair and make-up, and nice clothes, to be sexy.

I say this as a scruffy fatty, by the way.

RumourOfAHurricane · 13/08/2009 13:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

sleeplessinstretford · 13/08/2009 14:26

i am in a 'we're shit but pretending to be on weightwatches thread' somewhere on there too diamond.
I seem to be best at being worst...

RumourOfAHurricane · 13/08/2009 15:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

sleeplessinstretford · 13/08/2009 15:16

yes,what i need is more threads to distract me on here....

the erm housework (that i don't do) will go to wrack and ruin... i suppose it's understandable given i can't open my cleaning cupboard...

i'll look and if you are all a bad influence then i'll go back to my originals i think-they seem nice.

susie100 · 13/08/2009 15:18

I think it really depends on what kind of 'fat' you are.

There is a big difference between being shapely and womanly like Nigella (who is still considered fat at a size 16/19) and Vanessa Feltz isn't there?

I am about a size 12, have boobs, a good waist but HUGE thighs and arse. If I get any bigger than a size 12 my thighs chaffe together and I feel awful and unconfident and I can't buy jeans in normal shops (that see to go to size14 max) So that is where I feel 'fat' and therefore uncomforatble which shows in you body language, confidence etc

TiggyR · 13/08/2009 15:19

Peabody, that' so true. Sad, annoying, but true. Casual is not a good look on a big girl!

Swipe left for the next trending thread