to think that no men really, truly do like and appreciate a fat woman?

[fedupintheoffice]

I mean, why would they?

I'm a 21 stone, size 28. I haven't had a boyfriend for nearly 2 years. I find that men are really grossed out by my flabs. What man in his right mind would choose someone like me when they can have a slim, toned beauty.

Those of you who are overweight (a lot over weight, not just a size 16 or whatever) and whose DH's like them like that and don't want them to lose it - could I ask why that is?

It seems odd to me that anyone's DH would want their partner to be dangerously overweight. And 20+ stone has to be dangerously overweight doesn't it? Maybe there aren't any side effects now but there are bound to be later on.

I'm not trying to be controversial, I'm just curious. No, most men don't like super skinny women but there's some middle ground isn't there? You can be curvy, squashy, cuddly and all the rest without actually being obese.

My dh has a real thing about weight...doesn't understand why people put it on (!), equates it with lack of self respect. This used to be a real problem for me, now I am 11stone 7, 6 feet tall and a size 14, but more like a 16 upstairs. I know my tummy is not as flat as it was 20 years ago- but hey, I have 2 kids. I exercise sporadically, but watch what I eat.
I have learned to ignore him if he makes little snidey comments about "who ate all the pies", and told him that if he was so repulsed, he wouldn't want sex with me.
He acknowledges he has an issue- I blame his mother- and interestingly, his twin has the same problem but a hundred times worse.
As long as you are healthy and happy- be whatever size you are.

I'm a size 20/22, in my 40's, very short but have a pretty face (so I'm told)

I don't get out much so have been on dating sites on and off for a number of years. It is suprising to me, which men are not bothered by size. Under 30's are always messaging, I don't know if that is the age/experience they want but the aren't put off by my size at all (have to say, I don't date that young but it helps with ego, some are so pretty!)

Quite a few messages are from men with very large muscles, one said their body was hard and they liked the softness of extra fat to hold.

The shallow ones that can be really quite rude are the 35-45's, mr average, I think they are in mid life crisis and think they are 25 again and so want a trophy 'bird'

I have had dates with some extremely handsome men, I think their confidence does come into it, they are happy in themselves and don't need to show off or be validated by a stunning girlfriend.

KingRolo - I believe that many men who don't want their partners to lose weight are insecure and fear their partner will find somebody else once they feel happier and more confident in their new body.

I'm not saying it's always the case but it definitely happens.

Talk to my dh. He loooooves big women. (I'm not really big enough for him.)

Think I'd tend to agree Bunny.

And then there are the feeders who (again I believe) want to keep the woman with them by making them so fat they are almost dependent on the man. Totally dysfunctional.

'Those of you who are overweight (a lot over weight, not just a size 16 or whatever) and whose DH's like them like that and don't want them to lose it - could I ask why that is?

It seems odd to me that anyone's DH would want their partner to be dangerously overweight. And 20+ stone has to be dangerously overweight doesn't it? Maybe there aren't any side effects now but there are bound to be later on.
'

well i'm 18 and dropping so don't think you mean me as such but DH loves me whether I am a size 18 or 10- and has seen me at both. In terms of health he would prefer me to be around a 14 - 16 as that is healthy for me, but the fancying doesn't stop whatever.

I think the unsexiest thing in this world is a face like a slapped arse and a general air of distatse. I saw a lady today and she just like that (DH looked at each other and said in unision- 'MIL!' LOL) and about a size 10 I guess, however she'd be just as unsexy with the same expression at a size 20, and a damned site better looking at either weight with a grin.

But there ARE men who choose largeger women

You only have to be aware of the true range of porn mags out there in the specialist markets tor elaise this (DH worked for a publishing house distributor- the range is very wide indeed!)

There are men who when given free choice would choose over 70's, fat women, whatever.

But I bet an awful lot of the time they're joking with their mates about those women to save face.

This brings me to the parable of BIL, who dumped lovely lady K becuase she wasnt a size 12 and it is embarassing. lovely aldy K is now married (she's about an 18 I guess) to a great bloke, whereas BIL still lives with his Mummy and hasn't had a shag in years.

Having a gawp at fat women in porn mags is quite different to having a long term relationship with someone whose weight is dangerously high though. Porn is about lust and men find all sorts of things sexually exciting, especially when it's seen as 'forbidden'. Relationships are meant to be about love.

'course it is

but it does defy the poeple who fancy fat women are all feeders / weirdo types argument

When it comes down to it, porn IS exactly about who you fancy, rather than who would you want to be married to in front of your family / take to meet your mates etc

If you didn't fancy the women you wouldn't buy the mag. Doesn't mean you'd date them in RL, but shows there is something going on

Frankly any 'all people fancy X' argument strikes me as silly tbh- we all fancy a wide variety of people. DH was a late twenties virgin with a striking resemblance to Mr Muscle when I met him; I did, and do, fancy him rotten. One man's meat and all that

@deaddei

Next time he says anything about your weight tell him (sarcastically) you chose him because he's got a cock big enough to get past your enormous gut.

DH was a late twenties virgin with a striking resemblance to Mr Muscle when I met him; I did, and do, fancy him rotten. One man's meat and all that

Lol! Mine looks like Timmy Mallet. I adore him though.

I have met mamazon and she is really stunning IRL.Truly I know I will get lynched here and am no skinny myself but I think most slim women do look better maybe as you say because they aren't always apologising for themselves and so appear confident.

Ahhh. Bring me them skinnies. I'll sit on em and feed em cake. Heh heh.

It's all about confidence. I wonder if men feel the same pressure we do? George Clooney is no stick insect but he is fancied the world over

He looks

pretty ok

to me linz! Not much in the way of extra weight!

I was fat for 33 years. I'm now thin. I wasn't very fat - max size was 16. Am now a size 8/10. And yes more men chat me up now. I think though it's a very personal thing. DH doesn't like larger women, ex-dh did. Lots of men do see it as a sign of laziness (and yes I know that's not necessarily the case but it is what a lot of people think) and they don't find this trait attractive in a potential partner.

But the people who really care about his are quite judgy anyway. But I think it's largely about world view. If you spend ten hours a week in the gym, and you dated someone who was very large and unfit - how would they fit into your world. They would have different values.

If you are really unhappy with the way you look OP, there is the option to do something about it. (Ah come on, you know this as well as I do, I'm not telling you something new am I? )

On the other end of the scale btw, very few men find very skinny women attractive 'like shagging a corpse' according to my male friend (how does he know? ).

chegirl I'm afraid I'm going to take exception to that - not all thin women are obsessed with weight - I personally don't worry about it, don't know how much I weigh. I only know if my clothes fit or not. I did obsess for years and diet for years and it made me fat - I stopped and now I don't think about it. In fact I don't think about food at all unless it's time to eat!

'If you spend ten hours a week in the gym, and you dated someone who was very large and unfit - how would they fit into your world. They would have different values

that did make me smile

My BF from years ago was a good size 22 (though very well presnted) and engaged to a gym bunny of the highest order (competitive decathlete etc).

Don't know how it worked, but it did and still does.

('bf@ as best freiend btw)

im 14 stone so im pretty big....and yes its about confidence

i like who i am i love being in my skin.....

me and dh have sex whenever and wherever.....7 children , always try new things out and always keep the fires burning,

hes a confident 15 stoner as well, and dead sexy

I dated a bodybuilder, he spent many nights/days in the gym. I would go along and drink wine/coffee in the bar and we'd have swim/sauna/jacuzzi after training

Also dated someone that lived and breathed his football team, I have no interest in football

It wasn't an issue even though it was a large part of his lifestyle, it wasn't the only part. There were many different things that we did share