to think that no men really, truly do like and appreciate a fat woman?

[fedupintheoffice]

I mean, why would they?

I'm a 21 stone, size 28. I haven't had a boyfriend for nearly 2 years. I find that men are really grossed out by my flabs. What man in his right mind would choose someone like me when they can have a slim, toned beauty.

No, that doesn't seem to be the case most of the time. There are some obese couples, who are usually mutual feeders (in the places I am researching anyway, in other places obese couples may both want to lose!).
Feederism is not just confined to men, women do this too and Feeders of both sexes are often very small from what I have seen so far.

Apparently PenguinProject fatter women get paid even less than thinner women so the skinny pill would do both for you probably!

See that's what I don't get. We all know that if you are overweight you get the shitty end of the stick on lots of levels.

For this reason, a lot of you would choose to stop being fat by taking a pill, and it's a small decision, but it's also a small decision every time you sit down to eat.

You have to choose every single day to eat too much to stay fat. Yes you can gain weight by eating a little bit too much every day but to maintain weight gain you have to continue to do that for years. For me I was always about 30lb overweight. It never went up but I was conscious that I was eating so much I felt uncomfortable on a regular basis because I'd eaten too much.

I can't now imagine sitting down and eating till I physically could not stuff another mouthful in. And I wish I'd done this years ago because I was using fat to hide behind.

Ah, that reminds me of a programme I saw where a 17 year old boy lived with his mother. She was morbidly obese, over 30 stones I think, and completely housebound. He did all her shopping and cared for her full time - he got extra benefits for doing it. The programme brushed over it but it seemed clear that he was her feeder and he was doing it so she was 100% reliant on him. He didn't want to leave home or get a job and while she needed him so much he didn't have to do those things.

A little off the point, but interesting. I suppose feeders who are partners are similar.

I happen to find Dawn French extremely attractive and not just her personality. I am not fat so I do not think fat people attract fat people.

Sorry supersal, just wondered.

HecatesTwopenceworth "However, there is a cut-off point. Beyond that - imo - it's more a fetish than anything. The only blokes who'd fancy me would be 'feeders'."

Actually I think this is wrong and is the sort of thinking that leads to a friend of mine being told her husband is a secret paedophile, because she is tiny, just under 5 foot, no curves to speak of tiny. She really does look like a little girl but she is 35 (you wouldn't believe the sorts of things people said when she was pregnant).

Just because someone has a different taste to the norm doesn't automatically make it a "fetish", or something unpleasant.

Different strokes (idiotic giggle) for different folks.

there is a programme on Sky 1 NOW called Fat and Proud. So far they have been to a nightclub evening for larger women and their partners and a number of men were interviewed saying that they like curvier/big women. Tune in now for more!

I am too fat, I know I'm too fat, but I have absolutely no problem in attracting men. Someone once told me that you either keep your face or your figure, and because of it's roundness my face looks about 10 years younger than I actually am.

I'm 35, but regularly pull men ten years younger than me, and not ugly men either, hot, funny, attractive men. I don't act on it, I have a DH who I've known since I was 18 and 16 stone. I'm now considerably bigger than that and he still finds me attractive. Yes, he worries about potential health implications, but not about how I look. He isn't a FA either (though I have met a few!), his normal type is slim, but he loves me, likes me and fancies me.

I think that being attractive has so much more to do with personality than figure. Be yourself, be fun, be confident and you'll be attractive.

I'm huge, but I have great eyes, a nice smile, a cracking sense of humour, intelligent conversation and a great rack. It's about the whole package, not just the shape of it.

Whomovedmychocolate - I think what you are saying is very true. Blunt, but true and what I need to hear. Thank you. ATM, whilst still overweight I am conciously eating smaller portions and no snacking.

It feels good, so I hope to get to your stage where being uncomfortable with my size is a memory.

Reminds me of a quote I like: Excellence is not a singular act, but a habit. You are what you repeatedly do.

Being slim and healthy is not a single act (taking a pill) but something that I need to do daily...

Not sure what I think about this whole issue... have followed the thread so far & have been thinking about it. (And by the way, learning about 'feeders' and 'feederism'- is that a word??!! ) was worth reading through the whole thread for sure. Oh and also reading MorningPaper's brilliant Ode to Mamazon).

So I think I agree with most of what everyone has says; it all depends. Confidence definitely plays a big part & I certainly know some gorgeous larger women. But then- without trying to be controversial here- if a woman is gorgeous she's probably going to be gorgeous at different sizes, e.g. if you're a Nigella Lawson or Mamazon lookalike then it's likely you won't have much of a problem with some extra pounds. Also, very practically, it depends on where you put the weight on, how your face & figure look after the weight is piled on. Nigella Lawson (and Mamazon) look great even with the extra weight (although I have to admit that I preferred how Nigella looked a few years ago... she's still fantastic-looking though). But some women put on weight- and even small amounts of weight e.g. size 16 or so- and don't look so good. I'm a similar example- I'm now size 14 & was size 16 for a while after I gave birth & it simply didn't suit me. Even size 14 doesn't suit me, I don't like how my face or body looks when I'm that size. But other women definitely look gorgeous in size 14 (which is not 'fat' in a conventional way anyway).

So yes, it all depends.... not sure if any of that made sense actually!!

Some of this is highly offensive

Men who don't mind fat ladies are feeders or perverts? Or only fat men can fancy fat women??

I have only dated one larger man, he was lovely but I tend to attract hot young studs or bodybuilders

I eat heathily, I eat too much of it. I enjoy my food, I'm happy, I attract normal men, I am NOT a freak nor a freak attracter, I don't judge others on their appearance....why do other people (woman) have a problem with this?

PenguinProject - thank you for taking that so well - I'm quite sure most people reply mentally with 'yes, but....' because they aren't quite there yet (ie ready to do something different.

You should read up on Kaizen it's a japanese theory that if we make continual small positive changes we can gradually become brilliant in what we do and solve any problem.

You'll get there if you keep thinking of yourself as a thin person who eats calmly and slowly and consciously

Whomovedmychocolate - that is bizarre, I have just come across Kaizen in the last week. Unfortunately alot of what I find is company/business focused rather than personal. I can see how it applies though.

I think for me it's finally taking personal responsibility. Being accountable for where I am in my life and my body. It ridiculous that this is revolutionary to me, but at the grand old age of 31 and a half, I think it's the way to go!

Yep feeders and feederism are words!

scaredoflove I hope my posts didn't seem offensive. I described what I have discovered in research, but I am only researching pro obesity online, which is an extreme.

• If you need someone to talk to, CAT me.

mrswoolf - now I'm betting he didn't have a six pack did he?

It's definitely all about charisma and personality - for me, the friend who defines 'sexy' is also the plumpest (I believe clinically obese), but she's seen as a sex goddess. I think she's so sexy partly just because she loves food, she loves to cook, she's really sensual, she loves to entertain, she laughs all the time... who isn't going to fancy a woman like that? I wouldn't say that she's pretty, but she is drop-dead sexy.

i am tall and was skinny with big tits for all my life until i was 30 and could pull anyone i wanted (pretty much)
Now I am probably 4 stone heavier than i was five years ago and actually-i could weep when i look at what i have done to my body.
I don't like how it looks at all-nothing looks nice,i never feel nice,clothes look horrid,my underwear is all ugly-even the 'sexy' stuff looks wrong due to its size-i am even getting back fat ffs...
I wasn't fat when i met my partner and whilst he loves me as i am now (and alleges to find me sexy) it doesn't matter to him at all,i am still 'sought after' (possibly because i am all hair/tits and teeth and quite bright so can do conversation well-even though i say so myself)
anyway-i am now on a diet-the lard must go-and not for external pressure as i don't have any but for me.
I am now only about 13stone,can fit into a 16 and am over 5'9 and i still go in and out where i should and my legs/arse are still slim but my tits/chins/belly and arms make me want to vomit.

scared of love - I agree. To be honest I have never had an overweight man express any interest in me either when I was my 'thin' self or now that I'm much fatter. Short men, yes, they are the bane of my life (after one too many bad experience with Napoleon complex men will now rule out anyone under 5 10 in future..) but never anyone overweight. In fact the fatter I have got, I seem to attract guys who are properly into sports, fitness etc which I am not at all

As I've got older I realise it is all so much about being confident, having a personality and being brave rather than hiding in a corner. I have much more interest, attention from men and also get more compliments from both sexes now than I ever did before.

If I could chose tomorrow between the self belief I have now, or being thin, I'd stay fat.

mrswoolf - my ex-dh thought himself a fine figure. Well he was, if he were a gonk

sorry - I had to pop out for the day, I didn't fall into a sexual frenzy or anything