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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not changing my name now I am married?

271 replies

beanieb · 03/08/2009 20:51

I really can't be arsed. The number one reason(s) being the expense and the inconvenience of changing everything.

So far I have changed my name on facebook (apparently not good enough although more people will see that than my passport or bank account) and my name on our joint savings account.

We have separate accounts, no kids (yet) and the bills are in both our names.

My OH says it's 'really important' to him but when I ask why he can't explain and then says let's not talk about it because it annoys him so much and he feels like I am winding him up. I on the other hand can give lots of reasons why I can't be arsed. I am happy when my passport runs out in 8 years to re-apply using my married name but it just makes no sense to me to change everything all in one go. People in work know me by my usual name etc.

I think he thinks I am being unreasonable - am I?

OP posts:
Terpsichore · 04/08/2009 14:46

OP, YA definitely NBU, in my view.

I didn't change any names, bank-accounts, passports when dh and I got married. Why would I? As many others have now said, I have my own identity and I didn't become a subservient appendage of dh as soon as I signed the marriage register (especially since we had been perfectly happy to be unmarried for years, and only tied the knot for boring property/will/legal reasons).

I am also very adamantly a 'Ms' because I don't see why the hell some spotty 12-year-old on the other end of a phone-line 'needs' to know whether or not I'm married - do they ask male callers whether they're married? Of course they bloody don't.

I do, though, find that I have to plug away at people to get the message across that I have my own perfectly good name, thanks very much. And have accepted that SIL will always grimly persist in addressing me as 'Mrs DP' on birthday and Christmas cards, but then she is a moron

Bubbaluv · 04/08/2009 14:50

Really??

moondog · 04/08/2009 14:54

It would never evne cross my mind to change my name when I got married.Why on earth would I?

Bubbaluv · 04/08/2009 14:56

CBMUM, The UK deedpoll service says "Contrary to popular belief, a woman's surname does not automatically change to her husband's surname upon marriage."

daftpunk · 04/08/2009 14:57

er.....are you still miss moondog?...why did you bother getting married.?

moondog · 04/08/2009 15:03

Why did I bother getting married??

Not for the chance to change my name that's for sure.
My name is what is always was-a first name and a last name.
No Miss/Ms/Mr or anything else.

daftpunk · 04/08/2009 15:08

oh right...this must be another bit of feminism that passed me by..

Gateau · 04/08/2009 15:09

Hate the 'Ms' title.
It immeidately conjures up an image of a real sour-face bleating on about women's equality. Yawwwwwwwn!

Pruneurs · 04/08/2009 15:10

cbmum, that is bollocks! Sorry but it is.

arf at moony and dp.

Pruneurs · 04/08/2009 15:11

I've called myself Ms since I was 12...it wasn't until a similar thread on MN a couple of years go that I realised people judge me for it.

Hey ho, I couldn't give a shit, it's a handy way of sifting people out...

GibbonInARibbon · 04/08/2009 15:11

Yes moondog how dare you wed knowing you would not give up your name?

Frankly, I'm appalled

tallulahbelly · 04/08/2009 15:12

I'm sure Moondog will be along to explain herself but in the meantime I'll try and answer.

I'm still Miss Tallulahbelly and I got married because I wanted to make a public commitment about our relationship.

There was no need for me to assume DH's name.

I chose to marry in a civil ceremony because I'm not religious. Neatly that avoided another issue because I did not want to be given away by anyone.

Had my father still been alive I'd have gone along with that because he would have been proud and I loved him.

But it's a convention that offends me so I politely ignored pressure from my mum who wanted my brother to give me away. He'd have rather died.

I prefer to be called Miss rather than Ms and last time I checked that was legal. It doesn't bother me if people make a mistake and call me Ms or Mrs so I wish they'd return the favour by not getting huffy about my being a Miss. Or questioning my motives.

Someone even once accused DH and me of acting fraudulently by posing as an unmarried couple.

That was a bit ironic seeing as she said that in court and she was the one ruled to be ripping us off.

daftpunk · 04/08/2009 15:13

oh i get it...moondog is a man...ha ha

tallulahbelly · 04/08/2009 15:13

Ah, Moondog. You beat me to it. And so much more succinctly

daftpunk · 04/08/2009 15:15

"Ms" = bitter about everything...

moondog · 04/08/2009 15:15

When people say to me
'Mrs or Ms?'
I just say 'Neither. I am .
If they persist I mention that they wouldn't ask a man if he was Mr or Master.
Sometimes I just say 'Mister' with a completely straight face or say 'You decide!'.

daftpunk · 04/08/2009 15:20

are you always argumentative..?

bigstripeytiger · 04/08/2009 15:21

I used Ms from when I was a teenager. I saw no reason to have a title which related to my marital status when men didnt.

moondog · 04/08/2009 15:22

Are you always dense or is it just this thread?
I'm sure I've seen some reasonably coherent posts from yuo elsewhere but I may be mistaken...

GibbonInARibbon · 04/08/2009 15:24

daftpunk I thought you were doing a sarky witty type thing...but now I fear your post reflect your real views?

daftpunk · 04/08/2009 15:24

life isn't always fair though is it..

if you're a "Ms" you're either a lesbian social worker...or divorced and angry...

or probably all four.

GibbonInARibbon · 04/08/2009 15:25

Thinking about it, is the use of 'daft' in your name meant to serve as a warning?

moondog · 04/08/2009 15:26

Gosh, how odd that I buck the trend, being rich, gorgeous, adored by my handsome virile husband and generally very pleased with myself.

smallwhitecat · 04/08/2009 15:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Pruneurs · 04/08/2009 15:30

ROFL at 'are you always argumentative?'
'are you always dense?'

yes and yes