To ask for monetary gifts for our weddin?

[TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied]

Everyone keeps asking what we want but we've lived together 2 years and have kids, we've got everything really. We'd rather just have the money and put it towards landscaping the garden or new curtains or a holiday or something, we're skint at the best of times.

Now I know it's terrible ettiquette, but we are getting married abroad and just having a wedding party at home, and I'm just writing the invites and thinking of putting this:

'We want your presence not your presents; however, if you should wish to grace us with a gift, we have lived together for two years and have everything we need, but a monetary gift towards home improvements would be much appreciated.'

I'm prepared to be stoned, I don't care. I just need to know whether it is too rude to do this.

Golly you must be thick skinned to even think of asking for monetary gifts or gifts of any kind when you say yourself you have everything you need!

It costs a lot to attend a wedding anyway especially petrol/price of new outfit/hairdo/and many people are suffering because of the credit crunch/job losses etc

Why not leave out a wedding list altogether and if people want to know what you want they can ring you directly as others have explained?

Then you could say whatever you can afford please in the nicest possible way

You shouldn't ask for a damn thing. Why not just invite people to your wedding,no wedding list or monetary request? I cannot bear when people ask for things it really pisses me off. I refused to have a guest list when i got married, much to the chagrin of my mother. When i spoke to the guests many of them told me that they really hated wedding list and monetary request.

forehead, that's exactly how we did it too. i just thought it's damn cheeky asking for anything, list or monetary gifts etc. people just get above themselves when they get married these days, and just assume that they can take the mick and ask for anything because they are getting hitched.
whatever happened to just accepting of what's given to you, rather than putting pressure on people to buy gifts or cash.

Even more realise to feel bad just now asking for any type of gift, considering people are struggling in the credit crunch.

I was raging when I saw my cousin and her new husband had on their wedding gift list a 32" LCD TV priced at £650. That's just out of order. It's just money-grabbing. Do they honestly think people are minted at the minute??

It's not even as if marriages are for life anymore!

(Not yours OP of course as you have made your commitment with dc, but you know what I mean.)

I see i really missed out on the wedding gift list front.

we didn't even have a guest list - we just assumed that family and friends knew that if they wanted to come they were invited

We didn't have a list, even though we were both 18 and penniless, and could have done with all sorts of things.

We are still A Bit Skint 14 years later. Bit of an oversight really wasn't it

true, flopsyrabbit. that's also a big part of it.

Nice to see I'm not alone with thinking people shouldn't be money-grabbing with gift lists and monetary gifts..

As for the honeymoon thing, I really think that's bad expecting your guests to foot the bill for that.

Agree with Expat - don't have a honeymoon if you can't afford it. We didn't have one, but had plenty holidays afterwards to make up for it, when we could afford it.

Sorry i meant wedding list

I guess it depends who you are inviting doesn't it?

close family and friends who truly know you surely would not be offended - they would just want to help out and celebrate. Its extended family and occasional friends who may feel offended and that they are only being invited to so they can cough up the cash!

puns and poems ugh!!! just say it straight!

My friend put on hers, we are saving up for a fab sofa in John Lewis so vouchers would be lovely!

I would add though, that I agree with the poster who said that you can feel obliged to give more when its cash or vouchers, but any wedding guest should only give what they want to spend and can afford and should not be worrying that the bride and groom might think they are being mean / tight - same principle applies, if they are true friends they would be happy with whatever was given!

That is exactly what we did - I am never sure why asking for stuff has become so acceptable. We sent out invitations and anyone who contacted my parents to ask re gifts was given ideas from a list we drew up.

The thing is it also actually takes away the pleasure for the gift giver.
I know that people will end up with some things that they don't want but the counter to that is some fantastic thoughtful gifts from people who loved us that we would never in a million years thought to put on a list.

I would always be happy to slip someone some money or a voucher when I know they are trying to save for something special but other than that - when people have all that they need- I think asking for stuff, especially money, is tacky. I am usually very generous by nature and being asked for things makes me become strangely tightfisted.

I agree with everyone who said that having anything about any kind of gift in the invitation is really quite rude. I don't see anything wrong with asking for vouchers or money for something, or having a list, but only if someone asks what you'd like.

I know that some people on here have said that everyone will get a gift, so it's silly to assume otherwise. Actually, several people at our wedding didn't get us anything, because they had spent money on just getting to and being at the wedding. And that was fine with us. We didn't invite them to shake them down for presents! There have been times too when we've only been able to afford a bottle of wine or nice box of chocolates.

My mother ignores all requests and buys towel bales!

I also agree with a PP that if you say nothing at all, you will find that you'll get a lot of money anyway as a wedding gift. So why bother wasting your time typing out or printing off a poem (which is tacky) when you can just sit back and do nothing, and when your day comes around you'll find that you'll have plenty to splash out on your garden anyway.

People think about it too much with the gift list thing and trying to work out 'what they want'. Our guests didn't know what we wanted so we got a mixture of lovely presents, money and vouchers. if they were unsure they just asked via email or phone and I said if they really felt they wanted to buy something then vouchers or money would be very much appreciated. It's not nuclear science and it's nice to chat to people that were coming who we haven't spoken to in a long time.

Fimbo, I could easily be your mother!!

LOL! .

She always buys white as "you can't go wrong with white".

Well its pretty common in Indian weddings to have on the invitation....

No boxed gifts please

Which we all know means Money please without actually asking for it.

And in answer to your question I dont think YABU.

Fimbo - I agree, white is a good colour and you can't go wrong! lol

What does YANBU actually stand for??

You Are Not Being Unreasonable.

There are a whole list of acronyms if you look in Useful Stuff at the top of the page....

i think yabu. iwould not be prepared to give you money. but i would want to give you something.

thanks SarahL2

At Indian weddings, money is the done thing, definitely not gifts.

At ours, we just didn't mention anything about presents or money in the invites. But if someone asked, we asked for money or vouchers.

And we didn't mind if we got some, lots or none. We were just glad people came (over 200 of them - big Indian shindig!).

So IMO YANBU.

Oh, and I don't understand why asking for money is offensive but issuing a wedding list isn't.

The couple will have chosen everything on the list, so will know how much it costs. So it's not as warm and fluffy as is being made out!

But I think that a wedding list is offensive! If it's in with the invitation or thrust at me in some other fashion.

What isn't offensive is waiting until people ask you what you want. Rather than assuming that people with give you things.

will give you things

hear hear MrsTittleMouse!!