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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in keeping ds1 off of school for a third day unless i can get an appt with head and class teacher?

104 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 25/06/2009 08:34

This is the same teacher who seems to revel in intimidating ds1. the latest thing is that she has told him she is sending a "Bad report to his secondary school". he is genuinly upset and tbh i cannot be bothered with fighting with him to get him to school iyswim?

She has her favourite pupils and for some reason he is not one of them...she takes every childs word against his and when he tries to explain what has really happened she shouts at him every time "Don't you dare lie to me" and then walks away without listening.

I never really realised the extent to which she was doing this until yesterday when he broke down and told me "Mummy it doesn't matter what I say she never believes me"

So now I am trying to get an appointment with the headteacher and the class teacher and am not sending him into school until I do AIBU?

OP posts:
Cammelia · 25/06/2009 08:38

YABU

That all sounds very distressing for your son but I wouldn't use him as a weapon.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 25/06/2009 08:42

Cammelia, this is not the first time it has happened, I am not using him as a weapon, I am left to deal with a little boy who is telling me daily he has stomach ache/head ache/bad ears/ sore throat etc to avoid going to school. I have always made him go to school unless he was really ill but this teacher is intimidating him (his own words)

After he completed one of his sats tests she stood in front of some other pupils and said to him "well I was watching you and you did that wrong you finished far too quickly so we all know it won't be right" he is 10 years old fgs and she is in her 30's she is meant to be a child psychologist as well surely she can see this is going to knock anyones confidence especially a little boy?

OP posts:
Nahui · 25/06/2009 08:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

juuule · 25/06/2009 08:46

YANBU.
If things are as you say, then it's unfair for your child to have to go into a distressing situation every day.
If you are unhappy with things then you need to speak to someone about your concerns and hopefully the situation will be resolved so that your child can return to school quickly.

Stigaloid · 25/06/2009 08:47

She sounds awful - however i think not sending him to school sends a bad precedent. Can you not go in this morning and say 'i'll wait until she is free' with regards to the head teacher?

Ultimately it is up to you but it does sound like he needs to be moved into a different classroom and away from this teacher.

Stigaloid · 25/06/2009 08:48

er... sets a bad precendent - far too early this morning for my preg-addled brain to get linguistics correct.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 25/06/2009 08:50

Last week his class were in the isle of wight for a week and I didn;t let him go for various reasons. all the week he was jolly, laughing etc ok he had his moments like all children but he was very well behaved iyswim? monday she came back accused him of lying and said she was sending a bad report to his secondary and his behaviour has been awful since.

OP posts:
juuule · 25/06/2009 08:50

I'd definitely keep him off until it was resolved.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 25/06/2009 08:51

Stig lol its ok i knew what you meant!

I cant just sit and wait as I have ds2 to keep amused as well....but i want this resolved so he can enjoy the last 17 days of school.

OP posts:
hereidrawtheline · 25/06/2009 08:53

I dont know if this is the "right" opinion, but if it were my son I wouldnt send him to school if it was not resolved at all.

seeker · 25/06/2009 08:53

Please don't think I'm saying he's not telling the truth, but have you heard about this behaviour from anyone but your ds? I ask because it's possible to go in all guns blazing, only to discover that you've only had half the story, that there's been minsunderstandings, momentary loss of temper (on both sides), hearsay - lots of background stuff.

I would go into school and say you'll wait til the Head's free - he or she should make time for a parent about a case like this.

savoycabbage · 25/06/2009 08:57

I wouldn't end my child into that situation whatever precedent it set! He's 10. It's not like he isn't getting on with someone at work.

cory · 25/06/2009 08:58

agree with seeker

I would insist on being seen by the head, but would start very gently with your concerns- much better to get the head on your side if you possibly can

and put your complaints in a way that gives a chance for the other side to be heard- gives a better impression of you

I too have had friends who have gone in all guns blazing and come out with a totally different understanding of things

but then again, I have known parents who did not act and were things escalated

cory · 25/06/2009 08:59

as for keeping him off today or not, I don't think that matters much tbh; the important thing is you get this matter resolved

Sassybeast · 25/06/2009 09:01

Agree with Seeker.

Go to the school and say that you are prepared to wait until the head is available. Take a bag of treats and sweets for your other child.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 25/06/2009 09:01

Seeker, last week for example when his class were away all but 5 of them, I was told daily what a pleasure he was to have in the class, how polite and caring he was etc. But as soon as she was back on monday he was in trouble for apparently swearing at the favourite child who I have heard a few children say oh he can never do any wrong can he.

DS1 is adament he never swore and I believe him. This teacher stood her ground and swore black and blue that he had told a child he raped his mother and took the punishment over a course of 3 days when the other child admitted he was lying to get ds1 in trouble, and she still has apologised for it. A couple of weeks ago a girl attacked ds1 and clawed his arm badly BUT because he defended himself and hit back he had to miss a week of playtimes as he should know better than to hit a girl WTF but she missed one afternoon of being in the class, because she was upset.

I don't for one second have ideas of ds1 being a perfect angel I do however know when he is lying to me and again this time he is not.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 25/06/2009 09:03

Sassy OMG a MN suggesting sweets and treats for a toddler OHHHHHHHHHH I am reporting you to the MN police LOL xx

Have just spoken to the school and am waiting for head to call me back to make an appt for today I hope.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 25/06/2009 09:04

meant to say I am not going to go in guns ablazing I just want this resolved so he can enjoy whats left of his junior school years.

He has written down what happened on monday so I am going to give that to the headteacher.

OP posts:
cory · 25/06/2009 09:06

excellent

written notes is a good way to go, it's so easy to get flustered when you're in there

SarahL2 · 25/06/2009 09:17

Your poor DS! I hope the headteacher is sympathetic.

Deeeja · 25/06/2009 09:19

Your poor ds.
I am sure this is tantamount to bullying. Yanbu, I would keep my ds away from school until it was resolved as well.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 25/06/2009 09:20

Cory, I have always just "let it go" so to speak but this time he is really upset, she always takes the simpliest thing and turns it around. And I think if as she is suggesting he had a tendancy to walk around swearing at children he would not be picking which ones he swore at and would have done the same when she was not in the school last week.

When she was off for her wedding and honeymoon he had no trouble either..

OP posts:
Sassybeast · 25/06/2009 09:34

Ladyevenstar - good luck with it all.

Now slip in a Greggs sausage roll and a fruit shoot and you'll be sorted

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 25/06/2009 09:35

LOL 9has to admit that other than 3 pints of milk a day the odd fruit shoot is all he will drink.

OP posts:
Lovesdogsandcats · 25/06/2009 09:35

this is awful, a huge thing should have been made of putting things right after the other boy admitted lying to get your ds in trouble. Did this other boy not get made an example of? I can't imagine a boy talking about 'raping his mother' and this teacher not doing something about it! And your son having a 3 day punishment for nothing!! She sounds awful. I would also be keeping him off and going in to see the head.

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