in keeping ds1 off of school for a third day unless i can get an appt with head and class teacher?

[TheLadyEvenstar]

This is the same teacher who seems to revel in intimidating ds1. the latest thing is that she has told him she is sending a "Bad report to his secondary school". he is genuinly upset and tbh i cannot be bothered with fighting with him to get him to school iyswim?

She has her favourite pupils and for some reason he is not one of them...she takes every childs word against his and when he tries to explain what has really happened she shouts at him every time "Don't you dare lie to me" and then walks away without listening.

I never really realised the extent to which she was doing this until yesterday when he broke down and told me "Mummy it doesn't matter what I say she never believes me"

So now I am trying to get an appointment with the headteacher and the class teacher and am not sending him into school until I do AIBU?

[TheLadyEvenstar]

The boy got told it was wrong to lie and he should be careful what he is saying. His mother was there and she half battered him, I have to say I did feel bad for him with her reaction!

DS1 lost morning play and lunchtime play for the 3 days and of course nothing could give that back to him.I had stood by him through it and told him i believed him and in the end I was right but she still did not apologise. I just can't understand what her problem with him is.

[LightShinesInTheDarkness]

TheLadyEvenstar - is this a relatively recently qualified teacher?

We have had problems with inexperienced teachers who seem to come down much harder on the kids than people who have been doing it a while.

[TheLadyEvenstar]

Light no she has been teacher for the last 11 years.By her own admission she loves working with (her exact words to someone in the school, I over heard it)

"The rough boys in the area" "Because I can help shape them"

DS1 is far from rough, he doesnt play sports has only ever hit back once. maybe i should have let him be a ruffian for her to get along with him?

[Lovesdogsandcats]

You have enough ammo here to in guns blazing with this teacher. Who does she think she is? She is only his teacher, how dare she have this much power over him, and have such an effect.
What has head said now?

[katiestar]

Is there another year 6 class he could be transferred into for the last few weeks ? Otherwise could you withdraw him and 'home Ed' (if you feel like it) for a few weeks.I am not sure what the alternatives are if things have deteriorated to such an extent.

[LightShinesInTheDarkness]

If he is not an overly physical boy, it sounds as if in her mind she has labelled him a 'sneaky' type, hence all the calling him a liar etc.

I tell my DCs that it is not the teacher's job to love them - thats my job. The teacher's job is to help them learn, and a teacher is not going to like every kid in the class. But they have a professional responsibility to put that to one side, and showing active dislike of a particular child sounds really unprofessional.

Hope you get some joy out of the Head.

[katiestar]

and I feel really at her pigeonholing 'rough boys' like that.Lady bloody Muck !!

[TheLadyEvenstar]

Katie, shall I add the whole sentence as this would really make you all .

She is lady muck, she just got married had her dress made in harrods, went abroad for wedding, now if you accidently call her by her maiden name she goes into one waving her arms (literally) saying "no no no its mrs W"

[katiestar]

LOL {grin}

[TheLadyEvenstar]

Katie, no seriously she said

"I love working with the rough black boys so I can shape them, i can put my knowledge of being a child psychologist into practice with them"

That angered me....

[caramelwaffle]

Oh dear.

You are not being unreasonable.

Does she see all black boys as being "rough"? Or does she think "rough black boys" (?) are an easy target for experimentation?

That aside, I agree with seeker.

[AliGrylls]

She sounds worse than awful. The way she behaves is borderline abusive. I don't blame you for keeping him off school.

[OurLadyOfPerpetualSupper]

It sounds like you're displaying amazing self-control -I'd be quivering with rage by now.

As adults, if we're in a situation where someone doesn't like us/ we feel bullied/ not happy, particularly in a work situation, we generally have the power to get ourselves out of that situation.

Children are in school for a good six hours a day, and they have no power to do anything about it if things are difficult for whatever reason.

If your son feels lousy about going in to school, and they're doing nothing about the situation, YANBU to keep him away until they do - obviously you'll be trying to see the head in the meantime.

Keep your head as I'm sure you have been, and remember that you pay these people's wages - they have no right to set themselves up as God Almighty.

[nickschick]

The ladyevenstar-we have been in your situation - stick with it.

[TheLadyEvenstar]

Hmmm at me having self control LOL I have raged down the phone to friends and moaned on here this morning to be as calm as I am now. I am furious DS1 is my PFB and I would walk over hot coals for him (as I would ds2 but more so ds1 if that makes sense?) BUT i also know when he is lying and when he feels threatened. I have drafted a letter to print and take to the school.
Let me know what you think please ladies.


Please find attached an account that K wrote concerning a recent incident at school. It is self-explanatory. You will see - and I can confirm - that he was quite upset about this.

This is not an isolated incident but seems to be typical of a wider problem. Like all children his age, K can be naughty and I have no difficulty with his being reprimanded and punished when he is - I do so myself. However, as his mother I am very good at telling when he is lying and when he is being truthful. On this occasion and on several others, I believe his account of events.

For whatever reason, K seems to have acquired a reputation for bad behaviour. It seems that this is being exploited by some of the other children who clearly think that blaming K will ensure they avoid punishment. I would expect some children to behave in such ways but I am surprised and disappointed that some teachers seem to go along with this.

In any incident (actual or alleged) the situation should be judged on the available facts and not on reputational issues. For example, in situations where it simply comes down to one child's word against that of another, it is quite improper for one to be penalised because of a bad reputation.

I'm sure I don't have to tell you that some children delight in getting others into trouble. As I have said, if K is naughty I am happy for him to be reprimanded and punished, but it is inappropriate and unacceptable for blame to be apportioned and punishments given on hearsay alone.

I would be grateful for your comments on the specific incident in K's account and on the issues raised in this letter.

[OrmIrian]

No yanbu. Poor kid

Keep him off until it's sorted.

[TheLadyEvenstar]

NicksChick how did you deal with it? I want to do what is right, I want him in school, it is too late to change his school with 17 days to go but i do not want to send him to a school where the bitch teacher is bullying him.

[GetOrfMoiLand]

Awful comments about shaping the rough black boys.

I would keep him off until you can get an appointment. Or, as others have said, go there and sit and wait for the headteacher to be free.

[TheLadyEvenstar]

Getorf, it is awful isn't it! she loves ds1's school for this very reason it is 95% black children (there are 5 white children in the school). Either way it is not a nice attitude

[GetOrfMoiLand]

It's a strange attitude. Almost as if these rough black boys should be grateful that she has deigned to come along and 'shape' them.

Have you had any joy in making an appointment with the HT (apologies if I have missed this)

[cory]

it's an absolutely ghastly racist attitude- don't forget to let slip innocently in conversation with the head that she has said this and that you are worried that your ds may learn from the school that black children are rough

[bruffin]

Sounds like she is actually being racist towards your son and patronising towards the other boys.

[morningpaper]

Sorry if you've made this clear already but have you been speaking to the teacher after each of these incidents? That would seem to be the approach most likely to have positive results. I would speak to her about each incident in turn (as they happen) - after school or in the morning - and get a proper picture of what is going on. I'm really not sure how the school can deal with a 'barrage' of incidents.

[nickschick]

Ladyevenstar,my ds was 7 it was the year 2000 and this teacher had 'chosen' a boy every year to dilike, she bullied my son making him cry in class isolating him from his friends calling him silly names etc etc.

immediately we found out we kept him at home as you are,we arranged to see the head - we did- she(the head) resigned on the friday - we then had to meet with the teacher to say what we were alleging -she said she may have treated ds1 unfairly but assured us she would be 'fairer' in future.

we sent ds1 back to school and after 3 days of no change in her attitude and me sneaking into school at lunch to watch ds1 be isolated by her - we took him to the Drs,where he was signed off school (this went on for 2 years) the LEA paid for a tutor and so our haul began.

We wrote to the governors

we met with the governors

promises were made promises werent kept

We wrote to the LEA unfortunately for us her dh was employed at the LEA - we had lengthy meetings with the LEA.

We kept accurate records, we had witnesses and supporting statements.

It was a small village the chair of the govs was the local policeman,the secretary was my friend and the wife of the vicar - we were never really friends after that it was a long rocky road ,ds1 has never forgotten it and it has damaged him all the time this was going on ds2 attended the same school,we couldnt withdraw ds1 and send him to a new school bcos immediately you leave the school the issue becomes a lesser investigation.

Finally the teacher was sacked.

Ds1 wasnt himself- we ended up selling up and moving back to our hometown away from our jobs and away from the country dream we pursued.

Ds1 is off to college in Sept to take 4 a levels.

If the battle is for you to show your son you can make the teacher 'say sorry' dont bother its bloody hard emotionally and physically just change school and move on

school tried to make out it was my problem with having just had ds3 hinting at pnd - luckily the LEA realised id been working in school and had been offered a permanent contract at school - hardly an unhinged mother.

If you in your heart can do it - follow it through all through the channels,stick to your guns and prepare for battle.

If you need any help I can give u my email addy?

[nickschick]

He was signed off school as the Dr believed he was on the edge of a nervous breakdown he was 7 ffs he should have been worrying about pokemon cards and his bike .